creyente7 Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 I feel horrible, yet again, after a moment of weakness at a strip club. I even got a free naked lapdance just cuz she knew I was heartbroken and said I didnt deserve a girl who left me. Anyways my point, I feel horrible again. Not that she responded negatively, she was actually excited to hear from me. But I was dissapointed at myself, theres this urge that builds up inside me for days and days until I get to a moment of weakness and just break NC. I dont know how to keep going. I dont even know whether I really want her back or not. Its just loneliness that gets me, and fear she is getting rammed by some other dude. Im sure she will get to this point but I dont know. She is my first love. Its tough. I just want to get past this pain and have that relief when I can finally be nonchalant or just not even think of her anymore. Im scared...I need help. I pray to god to give me the strength to carry on this journey of pain.
Invictus01 Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 Good job on getting a naked lap dance. Now throw away your phone, you will feel much better in a few weeks. 1
Author creyente7 Posted November 27, 2014 Author Posted November 27, 2014 Im honestly getting fed up with these rollercoaster emotions!!! I wonder why I put myself through this. Can't take this anymore. Im done... Ranting..cuz it helps me, sorry
lawbstar Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better. We've all been there before, and it sucks. You need to do whatever makes you happy or feel comfortable right now. I am sort of in a place where you are right now too. My ex broke up with me over a month ago now, but I haven't been able to hold up NC for over a week. However, life always goes on, and you have to too. Life won't wait for you if you just stop.
Always Pondering Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 You can endure the pain and go through with it. It's difficult to resist contact when you're hurting and that holds true especially if the wound is fresh. Try to find hobbies or goals that you want to pursue. That (along with just the willpower to resist contact and convince myself it's not worth it) really helped me out. Not only does it busy your mind but it improves yourself as a person and that's great in itself. Your outlook on the situation will undoubtedly change when you change some things in your life. My ex is 99.99% likely getting 'rammed by some other man' and knowing that doesn't bother me one bit. I'm confident in saying that I could easily go the rest of my life without contact ever again, no problem. Take up new interests in your life, change some stuff up a bit and spend time with your buddies so that the loneliness issue is lessened. Write down reasons why contacting her is a dumb idea (because you know it is) and the next time you feel the urge, take a look at that paper and convince yourself that satisfying your urge really isn't worth it. 1
Chin Up Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Cheer up, I made it 15 whole days before I tricked myself into sending a text last night. I know what you mean about the build up. I almost feel OCD! It's like I just gotta fire a text off and the more I fight the urge, the more I just gotta lol. I feel better as soon as I do, but then anywhere from instantly, to hours after, I feel like a weakling and regret it. I used to think the thought of him not replying would be the absolute worst, but I can see now that his replies are the worst of all. He's never been rude or hurtful. In fact, he's always been very kind and sweet and understanding. It kills me lol because it makes me miss and appreciate him even more and it also makes it sooo much easier to read into things and cling to that little sliver of hope. Damn you, hope! *shakes fist* Then comes the dissection of every little word said in their reply. Its amazing what elaborate things you can come up with out of something so simple as... "Just read this now cuz I just woke up. I'm glad you texted me, thank you. Take care." *scratching head* (insert the sound of many mind bombs exploding) The more time goes by and the more you fight the urge to contact, the easier it becomes and the longer you can go between urges. Baby steps.
Jet Lag Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Cheer up, I made it 15 whole days before I tricked myself into sending a text last night. I know what you mean about the build up. I almost feel OCD! It's like I just gotta fire a text off and the more I fight the urge, the more I just gotta lol. I feel better as soon as I do, but then anywhere from instantly, to hours after, I feel like a weakling and regret it. I used to think the thought of him not replying would be the absolute worst, but I can see now that his replies are the worst of all. He's never been rude or hurtful. In fact, he's always been very kind and sweet and understanding. It kills me lol because it makes me miss and appreciate him even more and it also makes it sooo much easier to read into things and cling to that little sliver of hope. Damn you, hope! *shakes fist* Then comes the dissection of every little word said in their reply. Its amazing what elaborate things you can come up with out of something so simple as... "Just read this now cuz I just woke up. I'm glad you texted me, thank you. Take care." *scratching head* (insert the sound of many mind bombs exploding) The more time goes by and the more you fight the urge to contact, the easier it becomes and the longer you can go between urges. Baby steps. Hahaha...and the reading and re reading and re reading of the text. I love it if he messages me and puts an "x" on the end....and I get devastated when he doesn't. So pathetic.
Chin Up Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 ohhh yeah. And the re-reading x infinity symbol of your own texts to them. "Maybe I shouldn't have used an exclamation point. Might have come off as too eager. Yeah, definitely should not have used and exclamation point. Note to self. Also, how am i feeling about that word i used in that one part? Nope don't like it. Should have gone with something that exudes more indifference. oh no, omg..I forgot to end it with a question like some break-up guide suggested I do. What do I do now!? Should i send another text, hours later, asking how his day was? wait no..that shows i'm thinking about him. I ruined everything...Noooooo!" *falls to knees* And thats why everyone says to go no contact lol. Don't worry creyente, it gets better. honest. When you feel like texting her just come here and look up topics where others have broken contact and how they feel after. I'm face-palming myself pretty hard today.
Author creyente7 Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 ohhh yeah. And the re-reading x infinity symbol of your own texts to them. "Maybe I shouldn't have used an exclamation point. Might have come off as too eager. Yeah, definitely should not have used and exclamation point. Note to self. Also, how am i feeling about that word i used in that one part? Nope don't like it. Should have gone with something that exudes more indifference. oh no, omg..I forgot to end it with a question like some break-up guide suggested I do. What do I do now!? Should i send another text, hours later, asking how his day was? wait no..that shows i'm thinking about him. I ruined everything...Noooooo!" *falls to knees* And thats why everyone says to go no contact lol. Don't worry creyente, it gets better. honest. When you feel like texting her just come here and look up topics where others have broken contact and how they feel after. I'm face-palming myself pretty hard today. Actually, Im feeling better today. I posted this on another forum but I just told myself to let go. And whatever I'm thinking is not real, because I have no proof its real or happening. Its my mind playing scenarios that arent real. I also came to a realization that my sadness isn't caused by my ex. She is not making me sad, how can someone who is not there, not talking to you, not doing anything to you make you sad? It comes from me, I'm choosing to be sad because its what I feel is necessary that she's gone. But truth is, I was happy before I even met her, I just became so dependent on her for my own happiness that I forgot to be happy on my own. Another realization I discovered is that no one in the world needs another person to live or be happy (unless you're disabled or a baby). We are born to live and survive. So thats what I'm doing. Living my life to survive on my own.
Author creyente7 Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 Hello guys! I just wanted to let everyone here know that the past 2 days has been easier for me. I finally found something to keep me distracted. You see, way before I met my ex, I was into this whole seduction community. I quit however because I was transitioning from HS to college. the things I learned through seduction techniques I was able to use to connect with my ex. No I did not use what I learned to get her in bed, but rather used it as a guide to connect with her. I did well for the most part, except long term. I realize, she was just the beginning. I can't learn just from dating one girl. She could have been the girl of my dreams but I could get better. That's the thing about relationships, you might be in it and think that the game is over, but truth is, the game never ends. I have so much more to learn, I'm so young and so much potential to meet better quality women. I got so involved in the relationship that I made her my world. But Im going to pick myself back up and prove to myself that I am capable of being loved. I have been going about my day, learning, reading...It really is a great distraction, when I find myself thinking about her, I snap out of it and pull out something to read. People might say I'm doing this to find other women to fill the void im feeling. No that is not the case, I'm doing this to learn and grow as a better man. Maybe sometime in the future if a reconcilliation is ever possible with my ex, atleast I am prepared this time and ready to start a new beginning.
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