Complete Train Wreck of a ONS - weird to contact him to ease my mind?

[HGirl]

I had my first ONS about 4 months ago. I'd just been broken up with. I get introduced to this guy at a club. He's kinda cute looking and is really sweet, so I tell myself "he'll do."

 

We end up back at his and this is where it all starts going wrong. I find out he is an old teammate of my exes. (I find this out when he tells me he feels paranoid about his penis size in comparison to my exes. Yes, really.) As i'm already naked/drunk I try not to think about this too much and carry on.

 

He's pretty much the perfect rebound ONS - He's extremely sweet (you're so pretty, you were too good for your ex, his new girlfriend isn't as pretty as you... etc. etc.) and the whole penis insecurity, I found weirdly endearing.

 

When we wake up, hungover, he's not so sweet anymore. He brings up my facebook profile right in front of me - pretty sure this isn't the first time he has brought it up, since I never told him my surname.

 

He tells me I'm the fittest girl he's ever pulled (er, little bit sweet) and that he wishes his housemates were in to see how fit I am as I leave (not so sweet).

 

I am now in a state of Panic - what if my ex finds out, and thinks this was a big desperate bid to get back at him? What if he shows my facebook page to his housemates, also fellow teammates of my ex? I ask ONS not to tell anyone.

 

He then blurts out that he was seeing a girl, with whom I share a mutual friend. He asks me not to tell anyone either. Perfect, everyone is happy.

 

However I am terrified of becoming locker room talk among my ex's friends. I see a picture of him posted on facebook with my ex's best friend, and I get worried.

 

Furthermore, I have not heard anything to suggest he continued seeing the girl. Therefore he has no motive to keep it quiet.

 

AS IF ALL THIS ISN'T BAD ENOUGH - I have now started dating someone who is in his classes (he is at uni). I am not happy at the thought of my potential new boyfriend, finding out through rumour I slept with this guy. I'm not quite prepared to tell him about first hand either (we've been dating 3 months).

 

I am pretty mortified and part of me just wants to go online and ask him if he has told anyone. If he hasn't, perfect. If he has, at least I know who and I won't have to speculate.

 

Part of me also wonders if, 4 months on, this is too weird?

 

I'm a VERY private person so the thought of being spoken about by my exes teammates, mortifies me a little. NEVER having a ONS again!

[Million.to.1]

You are better off telling your current about it honestly. It's not like the ONS guy really meant anything to you. You are making it into to more of a big deal than it needs top be.

 

The ONS stand guy saw you as a conquest and more than likely has told people to show off... Do not contact him. He will most likely lie anyway saying he hasn't told anyone.

 

You did nothing wrong. So what, you had a ONS after you broke up with your ex because you were hurting, needed some attention even if it was a bad decision... It happens. You are allowed.

 

Trying now to back pedal and make sure no one finds out is going to get you in to more trouble. Just own it.

 

If your current BF has an issue with you having a sexual past, that's his problem. I'm sure he has had ONSs too... guys with double standards about woman and mens sexual history are usually douche bags anyway.

[HGirl]

You are better off telling your current about it honestly. It's not like the ONS guy really meant anything to you. You are making it into to more of a big deal than it needs top be.

 

The ONS stand guy saw you as a conquest and more than likely has told people to show off... Do not contact him. He will most likely lie anyway saying he hasn't told anyone.

 

You did nothing wrong. So what, you had a ONS after you broke up with your ex because you were hurting, needed some attention even if it was a bad decision... It happens. You are allowed.

 

Trying now to back pedal and make sure no one finds out is going to get you in to more trouble. Just own it.

 

If your current BF has an issue with you having a sexual past, that's his problem. I'm sure he has had ONSs too... guys with double standards about woman and mens sexual history are usually douche bags anyway.

 

It's not so much that - the new guy is really sweet, he'snot judgemental or anything, though I know he wouldn't be pleased to hear about it.

 

I'm more concerned about basically being talked about, especially when i'm so private. I guess I shouldn't care, but I do

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it would be a little weird to contact him after 4 months, yes. And you can't expect he'll be completely honest in whatever he tells you - you don't know him. Based on his wishes to show you off to his friends, I would assume he's already told them.

 

But as the other poster pointed out, you did nothing wrong. So you had a ONS. You don't owe anyone an explanation. If your potential new boyfriend has a problem with it, cross that bridge when you come to it. You're entitled to a sexual history, and you can also learn and think about how you would do things differently. Contacting this guy now would only escalate things, in my opinion.

[ASG]

It's not so much that - the new guy is really sweet, he'snot judgemental or anything, though I know he wouldn't be pleased to hear about it.

 

I'm more concerned about basically being talked about, especially when i'm so private. I guess I shouldn't care, but I do

 

Truth is, you might be talked about whether you had friends in common or not.

 

I mean... I talk about my conquests with my friends. They have never met most of them. And to be honest, there's only so much talk to be had about a ONS. It becomes old news really fast. How much could you talk about HIM to your girl friends???? 4 months on, if you're still bringing it up, there's something wrong!

[Million.to.1]

..... though I know he wouldn't be pleased to hear about it.

 

So?

 

I'm not pleased that my BF doesn't have $100 000, in the bank.

 

Stop trying to be perfect and just own it. How you have dealt with it and what your learned from it is far more important than the fact that it happened.

 

If he finds out through someone else it will hurt him much much more than if he hears it from you. At least he'll know.. and if someone says something he can be prepared rather than shocked and embarrassed.

 

I would hate to find out that my BF slept with someone through someone else and i had know idea and knew my BF kept that info from me. The deceit would be what would upset me.

[HGirl]

How much could you talk about HIM to your girl friends???? 4 months on, if you're still bringing it up, there's something wrong!

 

I dunno... the whole penis thing makes a pretty funny anecdote