me interpret this guy

[iva]

Just started seeing this guy that I've known for a while. He has always been so confusing to me and I think it keeps me interested because I want to figure him out.

 

We worked together about 2 years ago. He would passively flirt with me as soon as I started there. People were soon trying to push us together. We'd timidly flirt back and forth. (I had just become a single mother to a 7 month old when I started working there). I would never talk about him to other coworkers but coworkers were always trying to talk to me about him. This other guy working there would tell me things about how that first guy liked me but then also say things to make me not want to date him. He'd tell me how this guy was chatting up other girls and how he didn't want to spend money on dates. This second guy ended up being quite a **** talker and tried to ask me about a few times. What he told me did make me less receptive to this guy's advances though.

 

So this would linger after work and have a beer and just stand there out on the restaurant floor. My friend said that he had never done this before and believed it was just because I was there. One night he came up to me and asked what I was doing over the weekend. I said I wasn't sure, and asked him why. He seemed defensive and said "idk" and walked away. Then another time he asked if I was going to the work party. I told him I wasn't but he kept saying I should go, so I did. At the party he came up to me with no expression on his face and awkwardly greeted me. After that he didn't try to talk to me other than stand there. Another time I asked him if he was going to my friend's party, he said he didn't know about it and promptly asked for my number so he could go to the party. He came to that party, hung out, wasn't that engaging. He left the party to get beer, the party ended, and then called me to see what I was doing but I was home by then with the baby. He would text me a little here and there, but I'm not the most receptive texter with guys. I hate how it leads to games and analyzing, so I try to avoid it. He never texted me to go out. At work one night he asked if I wanted to meet up after, which we did. He talked about how we should go hiking, and I said that I'd like that. He never texted me about it. One time he came back from a trip back home and I said how I loved it where he is from, and he made a comment that maybe next time I could come with him. I laughed it off.

 

Sometimes in front of everyone at work he'd ask if I wanted to see a movie or go the beach. I'm such a private person, I would make some kind of excuse and tell him to text me about it later. He didn't text about it. He asked me to check out his new place, which I declined. This whole time I wasn't sure if he was genuinely interested or just looking for a booty call. This guy was the most attractive guy where we worked. Amazing body and great face. All the girls thought he was the hottest guy. I'm not in to big headed guys though so being the most attractive isn't going to do the trick alone. Found out he had hung out with one of the very trashy girls from work. He talked trash about her to me later.

 

We both stopped working there. He texted me my name once, to which I responded back with his name. That was it. I got a new number and didn't give it to him. Almost two years later, I text him. He seemed excited and immediately asked me to go out the next night. He said he was making reservations for this restaurant. When the time came around he said we'd have to go somewhere else because he had to work too long. So he picks me up and he's half drunk. He has an open beverage in the car. The last time I hung out with him he told me about his DUI and how he didn't want me thinking lowly of him, so having him pick me up half drunk was quite the difference. This guy is a hard worker, he works all week and always keeps busy doing productive things, and will enjoy himself on the weekends. I almost had him take me home after picking me up but I decided I'd at least hang out with him this one time. So he's awkward and seems on the defensive. After eating I agree to have some drinks with him on the pier. We have some beers and talk. He tells me how he's been single for three years. He gets more drunk and keeps asking me when we could hang out again (tomorrow or the next day). I told him I'm busy writing papers right now (law school). His friend comes to the pier to hang out with us. I told him I had to leave soon. He tells me that he thought I dropped off the face of the earth because I didn't answer his happy new years text and he didn't know how to find me on social media. He says he missed me. Tells me he could help fix my roof and tint my windows. Says he wants to take me camping, teach me how to drive manual. He tells me we should go on a trip together to where he is from and we could stay at his family's place. I wasn't bursting with enthusiasm every time he offered something (this guy is drunk) but I did show interest. His friend wanted them to go to a bar after. Told him its friday so there should be a lot of people out and they'd have fun. He got kind of defensive and said why would I care if there are lots of people, what are you saying. I'm not like that.

 

I make him drop me off and he's really reluctant. He wanted me to tell him when the next time we could hang out would be. I told him I didn't know. I went to kiss him on the cheek and he turned his head. I gave him a small peck (not giving areal kiss the first time when you're drunk). He texts me the same night letting me know he's at the beach if I wanted to come hang out more. Told him I was going to sleep. The next night he drunk calls me and wants to hang out. Told him I wasn't hanging out with him drunk, but if he was stuck somewhere I'd drive him somewhere. Said he was okay and asked to hang out the next day. I told him maybe if I finished my paper, and to text me when he felt better. Told him he probably shouldn't be drunk the first time he picks a girl up and he got defensive and said he's not picking other girls up. I told him it was just a tip for the future. He said he was sorry, that never usually happens, but its different because it wasn't the first time we hung out.

 

Its the next day and I don't hear from him by 12 so I ask him if hes at the beach. He apologizes for drunk calling and says he's watching football. So I leave it at that and I go to the beach since he didn't seem very interested. He texts me the next day saying we should have gone beach yesterday since its raining now. I told him I did go yesterday but what time does he get off work today. He said he got off early and I told him I didn't have class (hinting we should do something). He didn't ask to do anything. On Tuesday I hint again by saying I didn't have class until the next Tuesday. He said, "how lucky", and told me what kind of errands he had coming up. Didn't make plans.

 

So, we don't text for a day and a half and I decide that instead of waiting to see if he makes plans for the weekend I would ask him myself. Never have I asked a guy out but trying to figure him is making me crazy. I told him that after thanksgiving lunch/dinner I'd be dropping off my daughter with her dad, would he like to hang out then? I realize now it was a stupid day to ask to hang out but too late now. He responds by saying, "Yea we can. I might be a little to full to move around though lol. Can but its gona be difficult". That was so unenthusiastic I about gave up but decided to do something different from the usual and be nice. I apologized and explained that its just easier for me when my daughter is with her father rather than with her great grandpa. Told him I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, we didn't have to hang out on Thanksgiving. He responds, "Either way is cool. We should go see the new Jurassic (however is spelt) park haha". I respond "You're asking me to hang out in June 2015? Hahahaha. It's cool if tomorrow isn't good. Sounds like you probably go a lot harder at thanksgiving than I do. If you'd rather on another day I can try." He responds with "Noo i believe it comes out on friday..? We can try do something later today. Just play by ear:)"

 

The lack of enthusiasm makes me think he's just not that interested. Was all his initial enthusiasm just him being drunk? I know he's a hard worker and maybe him not wanting to hang out during the week is just him keeping his work week routine. I'm not much of a drinker, I'm not sure how sincere or insincere people are when drunk. Maybe he just doesn't know how to talk to women, but I'm not sure. I've never chased a guy and I'm thinking maybe he's never had to chase girls and doesn't really know how to or care to(one of the girls at work said that about him). He can come off as such an ass sometimes, but he's actually a nice guy. People have good things to say about him. He's definitely a guy's guy. He drinks and gets in to fights, football, spear fishing. If any guys bothered to read such a long story, can you please help me figure this one out. Do I respond to this?

Edited November 27, 2014 by iva

[CarrieT]

I read all of it.

 

The bottom line is the guy had an alcohol problem which is Red Flag enough for you to want to steer clear. He's already shown you a massive flaky, unreliable side that you do not need.

 

Move on.