I cheated and might want to end things.. I believe there's something wrong with me

[Trill49]

I'm a 20 year old who was previously dating a girl for 3 years, that relationship was terrible yet the best three years of my life. After that relationship I ended up dating a guy and I've been with him for a year now. He treats me so well, buys me everything I want, always pleases me sexually and always makes sure I'm happy. For some odd reason even tho he does everything to make me happy I cheated on him, twice. And I told him and we ended up breaking things off. What's wrong with me? I seriously don't know what it is but its something internal that's keeping me from being happy. It's like I'm scared of allowing something beautiful to happen to me, like I'm scared of letting myself become vulnerable so I run and try to push whoever away. He is such a good guy and wants me nothing but happy, why can't I just let myself be happy?

[Nikki Sahagin]

Trill, there are many reasons why a person cheats. Your job is to try to figure out why you did.

 

1. Do you like the idea of more than one partner?

2. Do conventional relationships frighten/restrict you?

3. Are you self-sabotaguing due to past bad relationship experiences?

4. Are you afraid of love?

5. Do you have trust issues?

6. Are you insecure?

7. Does sexual desire overpower your reason?

8. Do you just not see cheating as a big deal and feel bad after the fact but not at the time?

 

I've cheated on 2 partners before (in total I've cheated on 2 men with 3 other men). I had a hard time in my head understanding WHY. The reasons were various really.

 

The truth for me was that I do have insecurities but also have a high sex drive. There were elements of self-sabotague in there. I was afraid of a committment from my partner so I misbehaved. I sometimes wanted the idea of another man.

 

Having cheated a few times in my past I now know it's not something I want to do again. They say once a cheater always a cheater which I do believe is often true - but not always. Anyway I'm highjacking....

 

You need to look into yourself and ask WHY. What in you felt the need to cheat? Will you do it again? Are you committed to working things out with your boyfriend? Do you want to be single? You need to reflect on all of this.