Girl is driving me insane!

[bruce_lee]

Hi everyone. First post, so here goes. Sorry if it's lengthy.

 

Met a girl at the beginning of October. We talked online a lot, and went out a couple of times in the following weeks (she asked me out both times). For some reason, I didn't really make a move and escalate physically. After the second outing, something seemed off when I tried to talk to her; the spark had gone. It was at this point however, that I actually realised I liked her and, given another chance, would have made it obvious.

 

Since then, we have contacted each other online (she sends Snapchats etc.), and she still responds if I message her, albeit with slightly less enthusiasm or flirty comments. We are students, so I guess my appeal has faded since there are always plenty of guys on campus and in clubs. She also travels regularly (she is a foreign student, so no surprise there).

 

Last Tuesday, she messaged me saying she was sad that she couldn't see my Facebook profile, like I had blocked her (I hadn't). Then she went on to say she was stuck in doing coursework, but was going to watch movies instead with her flatmates. While I was out that evening at the campus bar, she messaged me frequently about the films she was watching, and sent a photo of her and her flatmates (all females fwiw). Even at 2am when I was buying chips from a fast food van (chip throwing distance from her flat btw), she kept messaging me, saying she wanted cheesy chips blah, blah, blah. As I was a little drunk, and, once again, too slow off the mark, I said I should go home to bed before I say/do something stupid, to which she replied "i like stupid". I went home anyway. Fool. She kept talking though.

 

The next day I asked her if she wanted to come with me and some friends to a gig. Initially she said yes, but on the day, a few hours before, she said she didn't know if she could make it (didn't say no explicitly). None of us went out in the end anyway, so it didn't matter.

 

Saw her in person for the first time on Sunday, for the first time in about 5 weeks. We are in the same karting club and some of us were going out. She joined last us last-minute after I mentioned it to her. She was a little distant, but said she had only had 4 hours sleep after a heavy night. She did fall asleep several times, and even seemed a little unwell, so this was definitely legit. We still made eye contact multiple times. If I'm being optimistic, I can see no reason she would have wanted to go, other than for the fact I was there.

 

Last contact was me accidentally pressing that thumbs up button on Facebook messenger earlier today. She responded with a huge thumbs up, but I had nothing to say so I kept it short and sweet.

 

Looking back, I was pretty blind. She couldn't take her eyes off me most of the time, and made flirty comments and gestures regularly. In my defense, it had been a while since I'd gone out of my way to pursue a girl, so my game was definitely off.

 

Now I'm trying to establish whether:

 

1. She still has some attraction towards me, but thinks that I don't like her, and has stopped making the effort.

 

2. She is bored with me and has moved on.

 

I am considering asking her out for a coffee, and just telling her that I like her. I figure that I have nothing to lose, and there is no way that I'll ever see her as just a friend. Plus, it will be a huge relief to actually get this off my chest, and get her out of my head.

 

So, what shall I do, if anything, and how should I do it?

 

Thanks in advance.

[doeblin]

Just ask her out on a date, duh. Don't wait.

 

 

Don't tell her you like her, show her you like her.

 

 

I don't think you missed the boat yet.

[preraph]

My take is she's too busy and has too many options socially to sit around and wonder what is up with you but likes you okay. Girl, ask her out. Be prepared she might be seeing other guys, and probably is. Probably going out a lot. Only way to find out what's up is to ask her on a date. Don't fear rejection from her because I think she's real social and friendly and won't get weird on you even if she does say no.

[RSval]

I think before asking her out, it's best to check in with yourself to see what it is that you're really after?

 

Personally I can relate to missing the "window of opportunity" a couple of times. But the reason behind it was due to the fact that I wasn't clear on what I really wanted. Yea on the surface it seemed clear as to what I wanted but deep down the reason was completely different.

 

Once you're certain of what you truly want, then asking her out is going to be really very rewarding.

 

Nonetheless, I don't think the window is closed yet.

 

All the best, hope my 2 cents worth helped and happy holidays!

[bruce_lee]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I think the comment about not initially knowing what I wanted is pretty accurate. I'm in the position now where I know what I want, but the fact that she goes out frequently does make me think that at the time, I was just another option. Honestly, I'd be naive to think otherwise. With that being said, she moved fast, so there must have been quite a high level of attraction initially. What's more annoying is that when I met her, I made no real effort to "chat her up". I just acted normally and talked to her like I would to anyone else. Now I've got to really work, and it isn't my strong point, as I wouldn't normally have been so slow to act.

 

So how should I ask her out? Obviously, I will call or try and see her in person, but what should I say, while remaining sincere and natural? Maybe tease her about how she's now the one playing hard to get?

[bruce_lee]

So today I asked her out for a coffee. I was working in the uni library, so it was just a text. I had an hour or so before my next lecture, so I thought a casual coffee with a time limit would be a decent, low-pressure opportunity to try and establish if there was any spark left, and then ask her out on a proper date. I messaged her about 1pm, and about 30 mins later she said she had just woken up, so that didn't work out. The conversation went something like this:

 

Her: What is [name of coffee shop]]? I just woke up Hahaha

 

Me: Good morning!, [brief description of the coffee shop].

 

I go to my lecture as it's already 2pm.

 

Her: Haha, ohhhhh, you mean [correct name of coffee shop].

 

Turns out it had changed it's name since I last went there.

 

Me: I knew it as _______

 

Her: Ah, okk

 

Couldn't think of anything to say, and was in a lecture, so my next message was about 2 hours after her last one.

 

Me: "You are the trickiest adversary to have crossed the red ranger's path! If you ever get a craving for a Frappuccino, let me know. x"

 

We had this little role playing thing going on in the beginning where she would call me the red power ranger, and it worked well, so I thought I'd use that. She used one of those power ranger emotes in a message so I asked her how she knew my real identity. She loved it.

 

Her: Hahaha. Sorry, I'll let you know. Frappuccino [heart emote].

 

So I know 1 hour wasn't enough notice (the idea just popped into my head), and I should have tried to re-schedule, instead of leaving the ball in her court, but what's done is done.

 

Pretty sure there are other guys in her life (probably why she woke up at 1:30pm!), and I can feel myself investing more and more effort into winning her over, but I am not acting naturally (like I did in the beginning, when she was chasing).

 

She has really done a number on me, but at the same time, it's made me more confident when speaking to other females. The only problem, is that when I speak to other girls, she is in the back of my mind, and I want her out!

 

Is there any point in chasing, as it's been nearly 2 months since we first met? She hasn't waited for me, and I wish I wasn't waiting for her! With that said, if I had any other girl in my arms, I'd drop them in a heartbeat if this girl came back around (wrong attitude I know).

[Thegreatestthing]

Ahh okok ,I'll let you know all give me a vague not sure if I'm interested vibe.

But who knows maybe she was just sleepy or it's her personality,I would just wait and see if she let's you know,do nothing for now.

[bruce_lee]

I'm not going to initiate contact for a while. There is a strong possibility that I'll see her in person on Tuesday as we typically go out to the same bar that evening. The temptation to talk to her about everything may be too great for me to resist, so that may be my last hurrah, so to speak. Most of what I've read online suggest this sort of conversation usually ends badly, as it should always be obvious whether or not you like someone. I just feel so curious as to what is going through her mind.

 

I'm starting to think that after our last "date", she may have been waiting for me to ask her out again. However, because I thought I sensed a change in her tone, I waited, too long.

[doeblin]

Yeah, I guess the best route now is to go somewhere where you can "accidentally" run into her.

 

I don't think a very serious talk would be a good idea just yet. Chat her up in a normal flirty way, see how she responds.

 

Anyway, be optimistic.

 

 

If this doesn't work out, plenty of fish and all.

[bruce_lee]

Sorry for bumping an old thread, but I still can't let go of this girl.

 

I went through a phase where I had almost let go, not long after I started this thread, but she still pops into my head from time-to-time, and during the past few days, it's been very frequent.

 

We haven't seen or messaged eachother for about 3-4 weeks, so I sent her a message last night wishing her a happy Xmas and new year, and if she was one of the good girls Santa had visited. She didn't respond until about 4am, and I was sleeping, so I only saw the response while having breakfast. She reciprocated with the same merry Xmas and new year spiel, and said thanks for remembering her.

 

Ultimately, I was hoping to start a conversation, but she didn't really leave anything for me to continue with. The only thing I can think of, is saying how remembering her was not exactly difficult, but it's probably too cheesy.

 

I've even dated a girl she knows, and who I think actually likes me, but I often think of the other girl. What's more annoying, is that the more indifferent I act in front of a girl, the more they seem to be attracted to me. I know that the only chance I have with the original girl, is to act how I acted when I first met her, and that was not acting, just me being me. I don't even know what I did to attract her!

 

What the hell am I supposed to do!? Also, she does have what seems to be a boyfriend (in some capacity), so how do I get rid of him?

 

I guess the reality is that you only get one chance at a first impression.

[Chahy377]

I'm so confused. I don't understand why you just didn't ask her out on a date?? Like say "I want to take you out, how does next Friday work?" Guys that ask me out last minute like you did with the coffee thing don't make me think they actually like me....just that they are bored/asked other people/want to see me on a whim. You seemed to have a girl that was very into you, but for some reason you didn't make it clear you were into her.

[doeblin]

I like the concept of pinging.

You reengage by sending her a short, funny, weird story that just happened to you. 2 sentences top. It should be short, witty and out of the ordinary.

See how she responds. If she's warm and amenable, chat her up a little bit, then ask her out.

The other route is... if you know she frequents a bar or a club, then go there with a buddy of yours, "bump into her", talk etc.

 

Ultimately, I was hoping to start a conversation, but she didn't really leave anything for me to continue with.

On the other hand, you've only sent her a polite merry christmas text... so in some sense, you're the one who stuck to formalities... and then she responded with a formality.

 

What's more annoying, is that the more indifferent I act in front of a girl, the more they seem to be attracted to me.

That's the trick, isn't it? Being nonchalant and proactive.

 

Also, she does have what seems to be a boyfriend (in some capacity), so how do I get rid of him?

You don't. If she has a proper bf, be a gent, and back off (for now).

 

Plenty of girls.

Be cool.

[bruce_lee]

I'm so confused. I don't understand why you just didn't ask her out on a date?? Like say "I want to take you out, how does next Friday work?" Guys that ask me out last minute like you did with the coffee thing don't make me think they actually like me....just that they are bored/asked other people/want to see me on a whim. You seemed to have a girl that was very into you, but for some reason you didn't make it clear you were into her.

 

I see your point with the coffee.

 

Basically I think I just chickened out and/or over-analysed. To this day I have no idea why.

 

If you were the girl I wanted to date, like in this scenario, then what, if anything, would re - ignite the attraction for you?

 

To follow on from last night's message, would it be a good idea to talk about something funny from a date that made her stand out from the other girls I've known?

 

With this girl, the hard part is not remembering her, but forgetting about her.

 

Jeez, will someone punch me already...

[Chahy377]

To be honest, what would work for me is establishing consistent communication again...so texting her or calling her...just trying to make consistent conversation...and then asking her out. I wouldn't wait too long to ask her out once you start talking to her again. I dunno, but that would be what would work for me. I'm more for the direct approach : )

[toscaroscura]

Sorry for bumping an old thread, but I still can't let go of this girl.

 

I went through a phase where I had almost let go, not long after I started this thread, but she still pops into my head from time-to-time, and during the past few days, it's been very frequent.

 

We haven't seen or messaged eachother for about 3-4 weeks, so I sent her a message last night wishing her a happy Xmas and new year, and if she was one of the good girls Santa had visited. She didn't respond until about 4am, and I was sleeping, so I only saw the response while having breakfast. She reciprocated with the same merry Xmas and new year spiel, and said thanks for remembering her.

 

Ultimately, I was hoping to start a conversation, but she didn't really leave anything for me to continue with. The only thing I can think of, is saying how remembering her was not exactly difficult, but it's probably too cheesy.

 

I've even dated a girl she knows, and who I think actually likes me, but I often think of the other girl. What's more annoying, is that the more indifferent I act in front of a girl, the more they seem to be attracted to me. I know that the only chance I have with the original girl, is to act how I acted when I first met her, and that was not acting, just me being me. I don't even know what I did to attract her!

 

What the hell am I supposed to do!? Also, she does have what seems to be a boyfriend (in some capacity), so how do I get rid of him?

 

I guess the reality is that you only get one chance at a first impression.

 

You say that you acting indifferent is what attracted her to you, but really, aren't you doing the same thing? This girl is currently pretty indifferent to you, yet the more she pulls away, the more you obsess over her!

[bruce_lee]

Somehow I managed to get her out on a date. The funny thing is that I asked her by accident, in response to a message she sent. I was typing my reply and hit the send button prematurely. Worked out well in the end!

 

It's a dinner date, fyi. In a way, I was okay chasing her. Now that she's actually happy to go out, I need a real plan. Caught myself off guard!

 

I've wanted this for a while, but didn't actually expect it to happen, so now I'm a bit nervous.

[Diezel]

Calm down there. Just try to have fun. That's all you need to do.