Pussnboots72 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Hi all. My nearly 2-1/2 year long distance relationship just ended, but this is the second breakup and we've been slowly breaking up over the last month. We are finally entering the completely no contact stage. Here is my story. I met him in early 2012 in Costa Rica. I was on a trip with some friends and he was on an awards trip for work. It was a chance meeting and it was love at first sight. There was no denying the feeling. Which is how we ended up together. As romantic as this was, there were a lot of complications from the beginning. I was newly separating from my x husband and he had already been divorced for about 3 years. He has 4 kids, one on her own, but sharing custody with his x for the 3 others. I was in the process of moving out and trying to establish a brand new life for myself and my kids. We live about 1500 miles apart ... At least a 12 hour drive or have to fly. Eventually, I moved twice and finally settled into a purchased home within close distance to my x. My x had a hard time letting go and the divorce took some time. Throughout this process, my new boyfriend and I both thought it was too soon for he and I to be together, but he was the stronger one to attempt to try to make it right so he ended our relationship in early 2013 for about 3 weeks. I didn't think we would get back together, but after that period, he said he missed me too much and wanted me back. Things were good for a while, but I had a lot of trust issues because of the first breakup. I think we both did because of the distance and because my divorce was in progress. I met my new boyfriend's kids and x almost right away, before the first break up, but we both knew it would take time before those introductions could take place on my side. Ultimately, he met my kids, my parents, etc. and it was not always easy for folks to accept, but they started to. In the end, he never saw my side of the family as much as I saw his. I went on trips with his kids and x, and we were just getting ready to do the same with my kids before our recent split. Throughout all of this, we were able to see each other quite frequently. He and I both have work from home jobs and can work while on the road so we saw each other just about every 2 weeks... But there were times we went longer. Because of the distance, my recent divorce, our original breakup, I believe mistrust lead to poor communication and an erosion over time. And please forgive me because I am trying to draw conclusions while all of this is still so new. On top of all of this, I think he and I both discovered I am an extrovert and he is an introvert... And it's also caused communication issues. He's been on anti anxiety meds since his divorce and I don't think I ever realized how he handles conflict until just recently. Just to give an example, when I thought we weren't communicating well, I would address the issue head on. Many times he thought there wasn't an issue and would just shut down or not respond. I would do a lot of the talking. Because of his shutdown, there were times I would get very upset because we weren't communicating. These types of arguments started happening more frequently, even when we were together, because the more he shut down the more I became upset. He would end up taking Xanax in some of these cases because he became so upset, but I never knew about it until just recently. So, ultimately, I think these types of communications lead to a break we took at the end of October. And then eventually he said he was deeply inlove with me but we should end it. So we completely ended it just a couple of weeks ago. Didn't speak for a week and then he ended up calling me. He didn't sound good and said he was just trying to keep busy. He was having serious issues with his oldest daughter who is in college and he was still struggling with what he was going to do in his career... I should add here. He attempted to get several promotions in his current company and find a new job outside of his company, but nothing has panned out in the time I've known him. We were both trying to find jobs in the southeast so we could eventually move our families there. When it wasn't looking like he was going to find a job quickly, I stated to propose the idea of me moving closer to his location or us spending weeks at a time in each other's houses. We were pursuing those options, but his job situation has been an issue for him and still is. Anyway, he hadn't removed all of our Facebook pictures or anything and then started poking me again on Facebook. I thought he was really just trying to work through all of his emotions and that he might come back. Then, last Saturday, he changed Facebook and deleted most of our pics and changed his profile to some benign picture. At that point, I unfriended him and just sent him an honest and inquiring message. Letting him know I was confused because although we were broken up, it seemed like he missed me and there might be hope. I just wanted to know once and for all. So... This is what he sent on Sunday and we haven't spoken since. I do miss u. I do still love u, but your reaction earlier this week made me realize I cannot remain in contact with u. When u got upset, all it did was make me hurt more. You getting upset is the exact reason why I didn't want to continue our relationship in the first place. For me to be healthy, I must get away from you, most likely forever. I cannot be around you when you constantly get offended by my words or actions. That is not the right way to live, for either if us. Although we had a lot of great times and memories, I should have never agreed to get back together with you knowing your separation from ... "My xs name" was so new. I knew it was trouble but could not deny the love I have for you. I know now there must be much more than love. In my opinion, you took out his abandonment on you and the girls on me. Maybe I'm wrong on my theory but regardless, we were unhealthy. It's definitely not something that can be sorted out with the distance. I hope someday we can be in touch and our words do not hurt each other. Now is not that time. I do love you and hope you find happiness. I closed it on a positive note and said I would walk away and not cause him hurt any longer... Because I love him. But my question to all... Is... Will time heal these wounds? I almost know the answer and even though my bf says it takes more than love, I still hope some things will fall in place in the universe and our time apart will make us both see how strong our love is. I honestly am afraid I will shut down after a month and cut off my feelings... But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Obviously, I am just hurting right now and want some reality checks. Comments or similar experiences please...
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