eclipse Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Does anyone out there know what to expect when dating a bi-polar and even one on medication? My ex and I mutually broke up last July because of issues I needed to fix, but we have remained close because we were both in love with each other. Well I fixed my issues and am damn good relationship material now and she knows it. I did try to ask her out again last Dec. but she said I needed to date others because I haven't dated enough in my life and she claims she wanted to know for sure that she was the one, but I wonder if it was just an excuse so she could date others. Well she is, she is dating someone new about every month, but claims she still loves me and it seems we can't go more than a month without kissing or having sex. She said I was the love of her life and wanted to be with me forever and was devestated when we broke up. She calls about everyday just to shoot the breeze, and seems to get jealous when I tell her I'm talking to someone. I was her longest relationship by the way (5 months). She has been staying with someone new she met that she claims is only a friend (yeah right). I think she knows I'm upset about that. She says she wants to settle down with someone, but her recent dating habits prove otherwise. She also knows I still like her but is not doing anything about it, and I really don't want to ask her out again because I think it should be from her this time. By the way she is a stubborn girl. So shoud I start to ignore her or stay friends with her and be there for her to get her back. By the way we live in the same apt. complex so she knows if I'm home or not when she is ACTUALLY home! Is she scared to get back with me, or is she looking for someone better? She claimes awhile back that she could imagine spending her life with me, but hell she is bi-polar so I don't know what to believe! I know she is only 21 so I am very patient with her and act like it doesn't bother me when she dates others, but it does and is hard to cover up at times. What should I do????
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Whether its her emotional problems, or her mental problems is a moot point. Whatever her motivation, she is using you as a security blanket. She knows that you aren't going anywhere, and I expect that is comforting to her. She can choose to change this situation but she isn't doing so. Nothing you do will make her want to choose to do that. That is something she needs to choose on her own. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. You can only express concern, and then take measures to protect yourself from her, and what her behavior is doing to you. Let her know that her behavior is hurtful to you and you are worried that it is destructive to herself, and that you cannot function under these circumstances. Do not allow her to be sexual with you, unless you are willing to keep yourself in this purgatory. You can let her know that 'friends' means 'friends' - not sleeping together and using you as a backup boyfriend. Platonic or nothing. Be there for her, if you want - but don't allow her to use you. If she wants you as a boyfriend, she will have to make a conscious choice to do so - instead of having the option of having you around as a matter of convenience.
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