Glamvineflower Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I used to be in a flirtationship with an older guy at work. Let's call him Tom. He was very drawn to me at first but after hearing intentional rumors about me from some coworkers that were jealous of me he became a little hot and cold but I knew he was still interested. But he never made a major move or asked me out. He has been single for a while and it seems like he's looking for a stable partner and he may have thought I was too young for him, even though he knew I was mature. Despite all of that, I had crushed on him and truly liked him as a person. But I didn't feel like it was going anywhere so when my current boyfriend who is around my age approached me and actively pursued me, I liked his guts so I dated him and now were in a good relationship. Recently, I bumped into Tom at a party and he was so surprised and happy to see me. He was super sweet and nervous and I couldn't help but feel similar. It was like a comeback of old feelings. But then I felt guilty for feeling that way so I left the party early. But he texted me afterwards saying it was so nice to see me again and that he wants to hang out some time. He knows that I have a bf, is he all of a sudden more interested because he realizes that he's lost his chance? Am I feeling these intense feelings for the same reason?
mammasita Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 We always want what we can't have. First of all, do you love your BF? How long have you been with him? Who can you see yourself with long term? Be honest with yourself and your BF. If you feel like you want to pursue your feelings for this guy 'Tom' you need to break up with your BF. Don't hang out with him behind your BFs back.
Redhead14 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 How long have you been with the current guy? Is he indeed, your boyfriend? Did he ask you for exclusivity or to be girlfriend or are you assuming that without having a discussion? If you have not had that discussion with the current man, you are technically allowed to date others. If you've been with the current man for a significant period of time and have not had that discussion, you should broach it and do it in a non-confrontational, mature way to clarify the situation.
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