carhill Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I guess my experience runs contrary to conventional wisdom, in that I didn't find dating sites to be that hard, though my last experience was in 2010. Prior to being married, and in 2010, it was pretty easy to connect with ladies to meet up. All I needed to do was be willing to drive 20-30 miles for meetings/dates. Locally, meaning nearby, last time I looked a month or so ago, there were a total of 96 men of all age ranges chasing 33 women of all age ranges. Fuggetaboutit The way I see it is that, online, in my generation, dating is no different than IRL used to be before online. The men do the approaching and the ladies accept or reject the approaches. The main difference, for myself anyway, is that I never went out on a date with a married woman met online, whereas that did happen IRL a number of times, not to mention a lot of failed approaches with married women for obvious reasons. Online dating was 'cleaner'.
insert_name Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Well said, as usual. I think narcissism is the biggest reason relationships have become so difficult. Both girls are single moms, with 2-3 kids. Both are in their mid-late 30's, and both weigh over 250lbs. The one girl showed me a pic of the guy she was hooking up with. He was your average looking, decent shape guy. Pretty sure he was married judging by the way he met up with her. The other girl never showed me anyone she hooked up with, but she said he was a good looking guy. So they actually did go through with the hook up? Wow, the mind boggles how some dudes who are physically fit are so desperate for sex they will go for such large women. Honestly, I'd rather just be chaste for the rest of my life if that was my options. And yeah yeah I know I'm gonna get flamed for that but before you cast the first stone consider whether you would happily sleep with someone of the opposite sex who weighed in over 250lbs*. Its just not healthy. *guys with 250lbs of muscle being the exception to that, obviously! Edited December 17, 2014 by insert_name
Danda Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 So they actually did go through with the hook up? Wow, the mind boggles how some dudes who are physically fit are so desperate for sex they will go for such large women. Honestly, I'd rather just be chaste for the rest of my life if that was my options. And yeah yeah I know I'm gonna get flamed for that but before you cast the first stone consider whether you would happily sleep with someone of the opposite sex who weighed in over 250lbs*. Its just not healthy. *guys with 250lbs of muscle being the exception to that, obviously! Different strokes for different folks. I'm 124 lbs as of yesterday morning and short. Usually I am considered a little "thick" I guess, but I have been rejected for not being big enough, as well. Like I'm just a bit too heavy to qualify as slender, yet not heavy enough to qualify as curvy or even close to "BBW", apparently. Just boring ol' average lol. I've known 4 men over the years who openly prefer a BBW, including a former of boss of mine who would only hire larger women to work as his office assistants, and then he would hit on them all the time. So just sayin, ya never know.
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 So they actually did go through with the hook up? Wow, the mind boggles how some dudes who are physically fit are so desperate for sex they will go for such large women. Honestly, I'd rather just be chaste for the rest of my life if that was my options. And yeah yeah I know I'm gonna get flamed for that but before you cast the first stone consider whether you would happily sleep with someone of the opposite sex who weighed in over 250lbs*. Its just not healthy. *guys with 250lbs of muscle being the exception to that, obviously! It doesn't matter what you say. Those women have options and are quick to reject men they are not attracted to just as quick as you are to reject them.
spanishchick00 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Men probably have it harder because half of the time, they really don't get responses. One time I pretended I was a guy on Okcupid-was doing some catfish experiment. I sent a ton of messages to these girls that never even replied back or looked at my profile. The ones that sent me a message first-seemed like they were wanting rent money. Women and get tons of messages and probably can get a lot of dates from it-but half of the time those guys are just wanting sex and like to waste a girls time. Although-in the end the guys lose, because they are the ones that always have to pay on a first date and if a woman is looking for a free meal that night-then all be damn, free meals and free drinks!!! 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Having options is a wonderful feeling. Everyone should do what they can to make sure they have some options. That changes everything. It's amazing how people take it for granted.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 So far in 4 months I'm at 30 messages sent OK Cupid and 4 first dates, which I hear is a pretty damn good return for OLD. If thats true then that puts in persoective how tough it is for guys because to me sending 30 messages to get 4 dates should be an example of when OLD is NOT working, not a sign that its going well! This might not be relevant, but when I did OLD over five years ago, across three dating sites (two paid, one free), I never received close to 30 message between them. Only had 2 dates total. I had more luck getting dates offline. In retrospect, my profile wasn't the greatest, but it was witty and honest. Maybe that's where I f*cked up. I was honest. 1
Danda Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Those guys are the exception, not the rule. Yeah I know, but the scenario described was two larger women who were on OLD, so my guess is that the men who hooked up with them had a thing for larger women and sought them due to their size (given that NSA sex circumstance and that it wasn't a relationship for either of them). insert_name was just saying they didn't understand why the men would have hooked up with those women instead of being celibate. I was just saying they probably had a thing for larger women. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 The general population of men would be happy with just half of that amount per day. If I did OLD again, I personally be happy just a quarter of that number (don't want to be greedy ), each day from new prospects of women that I can banter and ask out. The frequency that I'm actually able to LAND dates (meaning in person), happens around 2 to 3 times a year on average for me. Anyhow, I'm getting sick of seeing the same faces of women who had ignored me on these sites...funny how they are so picky they wind up a permanent fixture on the site. Good thing I took leave of POF. 1
Danda Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Are there any hard statistics anywhere that show how many men are on an OLD site like OKC compared to women? I'm wondering if the ratio is truly waaaaay out of whack or if are waaaaay women are less likely to message first? Or both. I've messaged 2 guys first so far but I've been on OLD for less than two whole weeks.
smg15 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Some sites are better than others POF and Craigslist are the sites I do very on for some reason OKC I never had success on at all
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Yeah I know, but the scenario described was two larger women who were on OLD, so my guess is that the men who hooked up with them had a thing for larger women and sought them due to their size (given that NSA sex circumstance and that it wasn't a relationship for either of them). insert_name was just saying they didn't understand why the men would have hooked up with those women instead of being celibate. I was just saying they probably had a thing for larger women. As an experiment, for the first time I had decided to email some rather obese women in my area to see if I could prove something. I had gotten views from them, but no response. Kind of tells ya something about online dating right there.
Danda Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Some sites are better than others POF and Craigslist are the sites I do very on for some reason OKC I never had success on at all Craigslist is worth it for the entertainment value alone. Where else can you look at naked photos of your fellow townsfolk while also reading deranged drunk political flame wars? 1
Danda Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 As an experiment, for the first time I had decided to email some rather obese women in my area to see if I could prove something. I had gotten views from them, but no response. Kind of tells ya something about online dating right there. Yeah well I think they have options, which is the point I was trying to make above. Most men who like BBW are hush-hush about it for fear of being judged by other men (or so it seems), but on the internet they can go right to the larger ladies without fear of what mainstream society thinks. So even though you were targeting women stereotypically unattractive for your experiment, my guess is they had others suitors in their inboxes. But I am guessing we are on the same page here, in that yes OLD is a lot harder for men. 1
Rydo Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I think OLD and dating in general are harder for women if I'm honest. Guys can approach someone they like and either get some interest or at worst get a rejection. A lot of woman probably feel like they can't or shouldn't approach guys they like for some reason so they can let chances slip them by.
Danda Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I think OLD and dating in general are harder for women if I'm honest. Guys can approach someone they like and either get some interest or at worst get a rejection. A lot of woman probably feel like they can't or shouldn't approach guys they like for some reason so they can let chances slip them by. Rejection for women is just constant and passive, where as for men it's more like really intense bursts of bad feels. Like if a woman dolls up and goes to the bar, sits there for 4 hours and never gets approached, she just got rejected for 4 hours straight. That's what it feels like for women. But we also don't often have to work up the massive amount of guts to approach men, nor often suffer the intense, sudden sting of being shot down. So it's just different, but we all feel rejected sometimes. 1
Rydo Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Fear of rejection is most guys problem I think. Who cares if you get rejected? Really lets get some perspective, so someone doesn't find you as attractive as you find them. This doesn't mean you aren't attractive just that you aren't their type of attractive.
smg15 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Fear of rejection is most guys problem I think. Who cares if you get rejected? Really lets get some perspective, so someone doesn't find you as attractive as you find them. This doesn't mean you aren't attractive just that you aren't their type of attractive. Well I personally want rejections spread over a period of time. When they are back to back it affects my confidence lol So if I get rejected in January, I don't want another rejection until May
Rydo Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Well I personally want rejections spread over a period of time. When they are back to back it affects my confidence lol So if I get rejected in January, I don't want another rejection until May While I can sort of understand that once you stop worrying about rejection you will have a lot more success. Also I'm not sure self confidence should be affected by anyone other than yourself. Obviously this is in general, don't go asking out 9's if you are a 5 or you will face a lot of rejection. I always think it's better to try and fail than not to try and tbh since I have been single for a while and have been asking people out I am actually surprised at how many people say yes. You will be too. 1
MidwestUSA Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 For the record, I have profiles up on OKC and POF for at least a year. I've received one unsolicited message. She lives in England. I have never had a woman reply to any of my messages. Somedude, you came here over the summer, I believe, and asked for suggestions on how to improve your profile. You got quite a few, the biggest being 'change your username!' It's a huge turnoff. How do you expect results to change when you won't change the product you offer? 1
sillyanswer Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Same, first few days on OKCupid my inbox exploded. I wonder if it alerts that there is a new profile for the opposite sex members in the mile radius you're looking for? But it has been tapering off substantially since then. There's no need for such an alert (although I can't remember if there is one). When I use it regularly it's fairly obvious when a search throws up new faces.
smg15 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 While I can sort of understand that once you stop worrying about rejection you will have a lot more success. Also I'm not sure self confidence should be affected by anyone other than yourself. Obviously this is in general, don't go asking out 9's if you are a 5 or you will face a lot of rejection. I always think it's better to try and fail than not to try and tbh since I have been single for a while and have been asking people out I am actually surprised at how many people say yes. You will be too. Im a 7 looking for a 8 lol
Danda Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 While I can sort of understand that once you stop worrying about rejection you will have a lot more success. Also I'm not sure self confidence should be affected by anyone other than yourself. Obviously this is in general, don't go asking out 9's if you are a 5 or you will face a lot of rejection. I always think it's better to try and fail than not to try and tbh since I have been single for a while and have been asking people out I am actually surprised at how many people say yes. You will be too. I agree, if there isn't a massive "league" gap, I think a lot of women would just be like damn this guy has balls lol. Given that so many men almost never approach women out of fear of rejection. I mean I'd take it as a huge compliment if I was worth the risk to a guy and he wasn't being an ass about it. Rejection does suck but you do get a lot of instant brownie points for the display of courage with a lot of women. Especially since those of us who are average rarely get hit on, so it's just kind of like a giddy awlawd am I really getting hit on, chyeeaahh.
Rydo Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I agree, if there isn't a massive "league" gap, I think a lot of women would just be like damn this guy has balls lol. Given that so many men almost never approach women out of fear of rejection. I mean I'd take it as a huge compliment if I was worth the risk to a guy and he wasn't being an ass about it. Rejection does suck but you do get a lot of instant brownie points for the display of courage with a lot of women. Especially since those of us who are average rarely get hit on, so it's just kind of like a giddy awlawd am I really getting hit on, chyeeaahh. Well in that case if you are a 7-9 fancy a drink sometime? I promise to be a gentleman mostly I actually quite like asking and find it works quite well if they are in a group of girls too. But not at a pub or nightclub where they are all on the defensive. Actually I never really ask girls for a date at a pub or nightclub unless I am already dancing with them and I'm sure they are interested.
Rydo Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Im a 7 looking for a 8 lol Gaps of 1 or 2 are possible haha. Honestly you should just ask, nothing bad will happen. I promise.
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