lucy1822 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) I don't know if anyone else is going to be able to empathise with me and my situation but here goes! So I used to see my boyfriend every day and now basically things have changed. He sees his bestfriend way more (his bestfriend broke up with his girlfriend like a month ago and needs people around him) nowadays and basically sees me less, maybe 3 times a week at best. His bestfriends girlfriend broke up with him due to their relationship being too full on and they got in each others pockets all the time. I don't know if my boyfriend has been influenced or something by his bestfriend and now thinks "Ok so if I see Lucy less our relationship won't end up like my friends did". Do guys think like that? He said to me "We can see each other like 2 times a week but you know we'll cherish every minute of it and make the most of it :)". Our relationship did get a tiny bit full on a week after his pals relationship ended so I guess he's trying to save ours? Anyway I'm OBVIOUSLY a little upset that I don't see him as much and that he sees his friend pretty much every day. Worried that he will forget me or fall out of love with me because he only sees me like 2-3 times a week. I've been with him for 2 years so I doubt that could happen. But it's just seeing the guy you love every day and then it dropping to like a couple days is hard - a habit that is so hard to get out of!! If he sees me less surely he'd get the chance to miss me though right? Also... the other night we spent together 2 days ago my boyfriend was just staring at me, right into my eyes, for ages and ages. But not saying a word. I think that's just the look of love? I asked him what he was thinking and he said "nothing I'm just looking at you". I feel a little rejected because of my situation, but that's natural? It just seems like he wants to spend more time with his pal at the moment but maybe I'm just looking at it the wrong way? Edited November 25, 2014 by lucy1822
PegNosePete Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 "Ok so if I see Lucy less our relationship won't end up like my friends did". Do guys think like that? No more than girls do. We're all individuals, we don't have some kind of hive mind. We all think different things, for different reasons. He said to me "We can see each other like 2 times a week but you know we'll cherish every minute of it and make the most of it :)". OK, so what he's saying is you get your 2 days a week and that is all. He is telling you exactly what he wants in a relationship. Are you happy with that? Also... the other night we spent together 2 days ago my boyfriend was just staring at me, right into my eyes, for ages and ages. But not saying a word. I think that's just the look of love? It's also the look of myxomatosis. It would be foolish to read too much into it. I feel a little rejected because of my situation, but that's natural? It just seems like he wants to spend more time with his pal at the moment but maybe I'm just looking at it the wrong way? No, I think you're looking at it the right way. If you're not happy with being demoted to a 2-3 days a week girlfriend then you should tell him that you are not happy with that. And if he basically says "take it or leave it" as he seems to have said last time you discussed it, it's time to think about your long-term future together (or not).
Author lucy1822 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 No more than girls do. We're all individuals, we don't have some kind of hive mind. We all think different things, for different reasons. OK, so what he's saying is you get your 2 days a week and that is all. He is telling you exactly what he wants in a relationship. Are you happy with that? It's also the look of myxomatosis. It would be foolish to read too much into it. No, I think you're looking at it the right way. If you're not happy with being demoted to a 2-3 days a week girlfriend then you should tell him that you are not happy with that. And if he basically says "take it or leave it" as he seems to have said last time you discussed it, it's time to think about your long-term future together (or not). It's just that it's suddenly changed since his friend needs his company way more. But I need his company too he's accused me of being needy before so I guess that's maybe why it's been cut to a minimal days a week. He's basically calling the shots? Annoying!
Frank2thepoint Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 His bestfriends girlfriend broke up with him due to their relationship being too full on and they got in each others pockets all the time. I don't know if my boyfriend has been influenced or something by his bestfriend and now thinks "Ok so if I see Lucy less our relationship won't end up like my friends did". Do guys think like that? I personally have to agree with your boyfriend's point of view. He cares about you, so he doesn't want to risk the relationship going stale, or breaking up because you guys might get on each other's nerves. What happened to his friend's relationship was a wake up call for him. Of course, your boyfriend should have communicated the sudden change better. Worried that he will forget me or fall out of love with me because he only sees me like 2-3 times a week. You're being insecure. You're boyfriend will not fall out of love with you just from seeing each other less. It will give each of you the opportunity to appreciate each other more when you do spend time together. Also... the other night we spent together 2 days ago my boyfriend was just staring at me, right into my eyes, for ages and ages. But not saying a word. I think that's just the look of love? I asked him what he was thinking and he said "nothing I'm just looking at you". Yeah, you are definitely insecure. He was appreciating you silently, by taking you in with his eyes. Does romance bother you?
mammasita Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 It's also the look of myxomatosis. It would be foolish to read too much into it. WTF? myxomatosis - a highly infectious and usually fatal viral disease of rabbits, causing swelling of the mucous membranes and inflammation and discharge around the eyes.
PegNosePete Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 He's basically calling the shots? Annoying! Well, if you don't like the shots he's calling, call some of your own. If he's not putting enough time into the relationship and it's not going in the direction you want, then you don't have to just sit there and accept it... 1
salparadise Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 He's basically calling the shots? Annoying! Agree with PNPete. You need to turn the tables on him. He seems to think that you're needy and insecure, and he seems to be using it to his advantage to be the one in control. He's being something of a relationship bully. Now, if you actually are needy/insecure it's not going to be easy... because it will be hard to let go, it will be hard to turn the tables, and if you choose to stay he's going to keep on using it to remain in control. Perhaps you need to be with someone who isn't so mesmerized by his bromance, someone who empathizes and wants to be close without controlling. You should think this through yourself. If you want to shake things up and renegotiate this relationship, then you need to push him away and trigger his insecurities––just like he's done to you. But you need to be convincing; it will backfire if you're not. Cancel on him a few times, and don't give him a very good reason. Let his 2-3 times a week go to zero for a couple of weeks. Let him wonder if there's someone else all of a sudden, or if you've just cooled off on him. If it shocks him back to reality then you've learned something about asserting your power, if not then perhaps it's time to rethink whether this is the right relationship for you.
Els Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 First off, it's concerning that you believe people fall out of love when seeing each other 2-3 times a week. There are some couples who see each other MUCH less (usually due to circumstances out of their control) and are still very much in love. That being said, the way your bf brought this up to you was very inconsiderate and one-sided. He should have talked to you about it and gotten your opinion, instead of just making the executive decision to cut down on time with you. Just as how some couples can see each other rarely but yet remain strong, plenty of couples see each other more than 3x/week and it doesn't go 'stale'. If this arrangement doesn't suit you, you have every right to tell him so and to bail if he refuses to work out a compromise.
GemmaUK Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 This is almost identical to another recent thread I saw on here. I would say if he is still being loving, still arranging dates and time with you then all is well. It gives you some free time to persue hobbies and see other friends. too.
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