TigerLilly78 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Because women secretly admire men who keep on going for what they want. No they don't they call the cops on them eventually... 1
lollipopspot Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Offer her money. A lot of money. Well, that works for a certain kind of woman who wouldn't otherwise give the guy the time of day. She might even pretend to be in love
mortensorchid Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Sad that you are in this situation, but it's happened to everyone at some point isn't it? Life goes on, move on.
preraph Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 But women like persisting men? And according to dating coach Julian Blanc, you should not let a rejection blow you out off the field. A no actually means not right now. Because women secretly admire men who keep on going for what they want. No, they don't. That's only in the movies. In real life, a woman knows pretty soon if she's interested or not and expects you to take "no" for an answer and go away when that's the case. She was being polite. You were on a first date. No one is mean on a first date. 2
787Dreamliner Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 The only advice I can give is not to TS but to the poor girl is avoid this guy at all cost! That's all I have to say.
Blakely Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 One date hardly qualifies her as 'almost girlfriend'. Maybe don't totally write her off, just try to hold in your feelings as you sound more infatuated than in love. Relationships take time. You can't possibly know each other well enough after 2 dates to be in love. Just stay cool calm and collective.
lil hoodlum Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 There is no doubt in my heart that I love her because no girl has ever put such happiness in me when I was with her on the first date. She hasn't technically said no yet so I will persist as it will be her loss, I can offer her so much. You see, she is a single mom with a troublesome life, if she knows what best for her she would accept me in her life! LOL Let me guess, you live on a tiny island somewhere and happen to be the only man available? I hate to burst your bubble but women generally have more options when it comes to dating and meeting men, even single moms with a troublesome life.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Lol. Poor guy. You've got to get a grip and collect yourself. The harder you push, the father out of your reach she'll be. Release the fantasy. This is not love. It's infatuation.
Els Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 First off, you can't really make bricks out of stone. Secondly, sorry it didn't work out with her, but you need to look deep into yourself to figure out why you were so needy and clingy, especially with a girl you only dated once.
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) Ok I want to take your advice but she is slipping away from me, so i wanted to tell her that i can offer her and her son a better life already when call her cause maybe I wont be getting a third date anymore. If on or worse before a third date some guy had the unmitigated gall to tell me that he could "offer me a better life" I would slam the phone down or slap you. She may like her life. By saying you can offer her better, you are in essence trying to turn her into a prostitute. You might see what you are offering a noble but really you are trying to pay her to be your GF. FWIW Julian Blanc is only one opinion. I'm serious. You don't have to disappear on the woman. Just DO NOT tell her you love her. Keep it low key. Do not discuss the state of your relationship with her & do not discuss your feelings. Just date her. Edited November 25, 2014 by d0nnivain 1
ascendotum Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I think throwing around the term stalker is tad extreme. He's not parked outside her house at night with IR binoculars. He's certainly fallen for this woman. For some people its entirely possible to fall for a person you have only known for a few hours, based on them meeting your ideal when it comes to attraction, and their nature & personality & rapport you have with them. Of course its premature, but isnt this what people call spark and chemistry and amazing connection. If this guy has not had many intimate interactions with women for most of his life of course he is going to put great stock in any woman (that he likes) that shows him interest. In the scheme of this guys uneventful love life she is is a big deal. He needs to get a grip though and not let on to her that it is like this. I think he should follow donnnivain's advice, keep in touch and play it cool. Seems something went wrong on date 2 though (maybe he told her he hasn't had a gf for yrs and freaked her), or she met someone else online that takes her fancy more. Seems like he's just starting to get serious on dating, so no need to cling to the first one that says yes to a date. More will come along. 1
Omei Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) OP I feel for you, your thoughts and view of love are very strong and we all go through this the I think im in love, huge let downs when reality shatters through. We have all gone through what you are right now mostly at a much younger age this is why I feel for you, you're going through the tough lesson we all had too so late. You're gonna be okay, but you need to leave this girl alone since she said no. Girls do like being perused and courted but only when they're not saying no, once a girl says no thats it game over, a woman that wants to be persude wont tell you a flat no she will leave the door open for your efforts. But this girl said no please please accept this before you get yourself into some kind of trouble. I have had men persue me after I made no not interested clear and I will tell you its not romantic its annoying and made me less attracted to them. Keep dating you will find someone next time dont get ahead of yourself with ever after happy thoughs a lot of people do that and get let down. Just concentrate on making a connection first with something simple like friendship leading into dates. Ps ive had a few men offer me the world and a end to all my struggles as a single parent also and all it does getting such an offer so soon is scare the hell out of me because they're offering something so grand without even taking time to consider what that life would actually be like, also I wouldn't want a man to come into my childs life purely for me id want him to love my child too and know them personally before making that offer so I know its genuine for my child too. She is prob thinking the same thing what's best for her child is not jumping into a man's arms hardly knowing who he is and I bet you haven't even met the kid. Edited November 25, 2014 by Omei 2
bathtub-row Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) Yes, persistence can be highly effective in getting a woman's attention but you're confusing persistence with control. I dated a guy like this for a short time and he turned out to be a true psycho. I'm not saying that you necessarily are but coming on too strong simply screams insecurity to a woman. The books you're reading about persistence are talking about a very cool and collected man who is able to show a woman that he will patiently wait around for her because she's the one he wants. But you are anything but cool and collected and this girl is picking up on your desperation loud and clear. First of all, you need to get your bearings. If you really are not the insecure and immature person that you are sounding like to everyone here on LS, then prove it. If you ever had a center, then re-discover it and latch onto it. Then pursue this girl in such a way that she barely knows she's being pursued and act as though it doesn't matter one way or another whether she accepts you or not. If you ask her out and she says no, don't act like your world just fell apart. Be respectful and cheerful. Say something like, "Ok, I understand. Maybe another time then." You must get a handle on understanding the difference between being persistent with being a nuisance or coming across like a stalker. You also need to accept the idea that this girl may never come around. No matter what the books tell you, I know from experience that when I was turned off by a guy, there was no amount of charm or persistence that would break through that. The guy I mentioned earlier that I dated -- he told me he loved me on our second date. He also acted very disappointed that I didn't tell him the same thing. Then he sent me a dozen roses every week for 3 wks. It wasn't long before I figured out his true nature, though, when he became extremely verbally violent with me. He was mean and controlling and very, very angry. When I broke it off with him, he ended up sending letters to members of my family (he gathered this info without my knowledge), he called me incessantly, left horrible messages. When that no longer worked, he started calling my office and leaving messages there. To make a long story short, I ended up calling the police on him. When people get this intense and out of control, it's extremely frightening. Make sure you don't get like this. The truth is, you're way too intense about this girl. Too much pivots on her and this is never a great mix. Women are attracted to men who are in control of themselves and that are confident. Confidence is not arrogance or control. It's an inner certainty that you know you're ok and that you can handle anything. Can you be those things? Edited November 25, 2014 by bathtub-row 2
Jules Dash Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Something about this whole story just strikes me as strange.
guest569 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 OP, I think a lot of people forget what it is like when you're just starting out. I can relate your experience to my first experience too at age 24. I went on 3 dates with a guy and was very infatuated with him. I never considered it love, but I was very thrilled and put too much thought and feelings into it, I thought we would end up in a relationship. He was also very intense initially but met someone else and it was suddenly the end. I really struggled through this time, but it made me so much stronger. I survived a couple of breakups since then and each time it gets easier. It might be hell now, soon you will see it a minor setback, and in the future it will be nothing. You will regret wasting so many of your thoughts on feelings on this woman.
Author hawx79 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 But if I don't charm her with promises and tell her how I feel about her, then how else can I reach her heart? By being my simple self!? LOL... There's nothing special about me to let me stand out of other men. But then again it hasn't done me much good so when I call her so Ill just try to have a normal discussion without speaking about my feelings then, and if she sais no ill just leave it at that, I hope!
Blade96 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 And according to dating coach Julian Blanc" He's listening to this bozo?? No wonder.... This is not a coach. This is a sick puppy. (no offence to actual puppies) Run from this ball of crazy and listen to the folks on this forum. Now. and go google right now and read about this Blanc. Look him up. Now.
bathtub-row Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) But if I don't charm her with promises and tell her how I feel about her, then how else can I reach her heart? By being my simple self!? LOL... There's nothing special about me to let me stand out of other men. But then again it hasn't done me much good so when I call her so Ill just try to have a normal discussion without speaking about my feelings then, and if she sais no ill just leave it at that, I hope! In other words, you don't think she's bright enough to figure out that your feelings have remained constant, right? You're still on the wrong track. This is not about you and how you feel. A woman feels special through various things: attention, friendship, support, adoration. You can convey all that without saying a word about your feelings. You've already told her how you feel. Continuing to tell her will put her on the spot and make her feel uncomfortable. Keeping your mouth shut about it at this point is the thing that will get her attention. She will think, "Wow, this guy is really nuts about me but he has no interest in forcing that on me." Be kind, talk to her about things in her life, her feelings, without judgement. If there's a chance at all for you to win her over, this is the only way it will happen. If you want her to know the things you can and will do for her, then say that to her so that it's more of a general statement, instead of something directed at her. Like, "Whenever I get married, I'm going to treat my wife like a queen." Or whatever it is you will do. You can say those things in a sideways manner without putting her on the spot. She will start to get the picture about the kind of person you are. In other words, do not do or say things that will get her guard up. As I said before, act like you've got all the time in the world. Edited November 25, 2014 by bathtub-row 1
preraph Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Try to remember that she doesn't so much care how you feel about her. She cares how she feels about you, and she's already nixed you in a general sense. 2
Omei Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Op did you see my comments about offering her and her child everything? During your talk I suggest not saying that again. 1
slizl Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 You should have asked her to marry you. Now you know for your next 1st date
Trane Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 OP, here's my take. Some here are saying you might have freaked her out, turned her off, scared her away by showing her too much affection, interest, looking desperate, what you might think is love for her, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, YAWN. I call BS on a lot of this. Here's why. You can never really tell how deeply you will fall for someone, even if you only know them for only so brief a period. Sometimes you just can't control it because everything could seem to fit so perfectly, even discovering a difference or two in this brief period about that person that makes them unique and interesting to you. You get turned on to that and you want more of it. You focus everything on her and nobody else. When she doesn't want more and bolts without an answer, that's when it hurts and you're left out in the cold. Others will say you should have had a backup plan or two or throw the "BE A MAN, MAN-UP, STOP BEING A WUSS" stuff at you which is more hurtful and shameful because they don't know how your heart ticks or how you feel. It's just plain asinine because no two men are the same person and feel the same things. I think todays dating world is so jaded, twisted and messed up because society has relied way to heavily on social media to communicate. Before the internet age and that certain movement Gloria Steinem championed, women didn't seem concerned that a man showed X amount of interest or admiration for her in the first meetings. She might question if he is real but not to the point where running to the hills is the answer. We didn't need a freakin' screen, email address, facebook page, or profile on some dating site just to say hello and would you like to go out with me? The craziness in all of this is that nowadays it's strange to meet a person without exchanging texts, emails and all other nonsense. What happened to eye to eye, mouth to mouth, face to face, real time communication? People would give each other a chance to see if the others feelings are genuine. It's called taking a risk, and going on a new journey with that person. Not running away like a scared little child in the night the moment one shows deeper feelings, even if it's the guys feelings stronger at first. I can understand if she's truly not interested, and I always say being upfront and honest is the best policy. If she's upfront and honest with LIES, that's on her conscience and best you leave it at that and move on. Also realize that you aren't alone in many ways and there is always tomorrow if you allow yourself to grieve and heal. It's OK. Don't stay down and wallow in sorrow, but you don't let other fools tell you to be a man because they are not the man you are. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 I think we have a few full time trolls on these boards lately might even be the same person over and over again I don't know I just get that feeling..
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