Mondmellonw Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) It's easy to come on these forums for a bit of sympathy when someone dumps you. Who knows what happened. Maybe there's a reason he cut her off his life via text and told her to f off. Or maybe not. But from the outside, both look childish, immature and perfect for each other. I don't doubt he was bad, I also don't doubt she had her flaws, because everyone has. And I don't doubt it because I had an ex (also, the one who brought me here) tell me to **** off by text, even after he was the one hiding stuff/lying to me. Eventually, he was the one to accept some of his lies to me, in some weird attempt to get back together. I accepted his apology but he (again: eventually) treated me like crap and hid more stuff all over again. And we were just friends, so... As far as I'm concerned I gave him the chance to be real, but I don't want no more crap. I want someone honest... And I hope to find that man. So... My point here is... Sugarkane has already found that guy and she needs to let go of the idiot one. I dunno why should she worry so much about him at this point. Edited November 25, 2014 by Mondmellonw
lil hoodlum Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Sugarkane, I really can sympathise about your situation. You were totally wronged by your ahole-ex and it deeply wounded you. I believe most people in your situation would be really angry about such treatment too. But it has been nearly 4 years now. You are married and have a child with your husband. Why is this jerk ahole-ex still a priority in your life anymore? 2
Author Sugarkane Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 Why should I waste any more $$ if a therapist won't go to any more insight than here? None of them offered insight into why I kept dating the same person over and over, or what to do differently.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 Because you need it. I'm not going to waste more time and money, when I've learnt much more reading books/ online, than someone who calls themself a doctor.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 Because you need it. Besides I doubt you're perfect and never done anything wrong.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 This battle has been going on for two plus years now with sugarkane. She has had numerous theads and loads of people talking to her, give her advice, free therapy, etc. You'll turn blue in the face until you will just give up. She doesnt seem to grasp just some people are a**holes, but the fact she hasn't let it go in years speaks volumes when it comes to her own personal demons. She wants some holy hell revenge for some reason, which only makes her look petty.....which is what I see from where I'm sitting. She will blame everyone else but herself and still be mad at her ex. I dont know the overall point of what she wants anymore. It's a complete cop out to say more therapy, when I've said over and over it offered not one thing more helpful/ insightful than here.
SoThatHappened Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Why are you in the breakup forums after texting an ex from 4 years ago, all while recently married? Why does he even matter anymore? I had my heart ripped out only 5 months ago. If I was even dating someone new right now, I wouldn't text my ex to let her know.
me85 Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Why should I waste any more $$ if a therapist won't go to any more insight than here? None of them offered insight into why I kept dating the same person over and over, or what to do differently. Time to take it back to that old saying we all grew up with…"if someone jumped off a bridge would you jump too?" … and "Two wrongs don't make a right." … You saying, "Oh it's ok for "dumpers" to be jerks but not "dumpees"???"…is not a good enough argument to win your case here Sugar. AND you going out of your way to insult him to feel some higher rank over him at this point is NO GOOD. YOU ARE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. The fact that you don't see that you came out better is disturbing and don't tell us that you DO see it that way because it's a complete and total fabrication. Because if you in fact DID see it that way you would have absolutely no reason to ever contact your ex for any reason whatsoever. You would no longer need validation or revenge. You contacted him because you are still hurting from what he did to you and you want him to recognize all his mistakes by you…a CLEAR indication that you are not over him/your RS with him. So, all this and that being said about your situation here, what do you FEEL now? ARE you or are you NOT ready to live your life without any lingering feelings towards your ex and focus solely on your husband and child?? In order for you to be truly at peace with your past heartaches is to accept and let go. PERIOD. You are keeping bad memories alive by harping on them. This has become YOUR fault and no one else's. Especially not your ex's at this point.
Arieswoman Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Sugarkane, I do know how you feel because in my time I dated some bums and had a $h!££y exH. Try looking at it this way. You say you are mad at your exH, right, and you want him to hurt like the way he's hurt you? Now if you are really, truly, honest perhaps the person you are really mad at is yourself? I was married and he cheated. I was mad at him for ages. I began to realise after a while that my anger was misplaced. I was really mad at myself for staying in the marriage when I should have walked out years before (or never got married in the first place). There were red flags all over the place that I ignored. He was just being what he was. He showed me on several occasions who he was but I chose not to see it. My task after the divorce was to look inward then learn to forgive myself, for making wrong choices, and then to look forward and do better next time. Perhaps you should do the same? Good luck. x
Author Sugarkane Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 I just cant understand how someone sees people as so replaceable, yet has Loyal friends? When people put such a low priority on friendships these days, even long standing ones.
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I'm not going to waste more time and money, when I've learnt much more reading books/ online, than someone who calls themself a doctor. It seems like your whole life is about complaining about other people and being angry, wouldn't it be great to not live that way? I hope I'm wrong and there are parts of your life and people in it that you are grateful for and happy about! 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 It's a complete cop out to say more therapy, when I've said over and over it offered not one thing more helpful/ insightful than here. I didnt say more therapy...though you need something. You wont listen to them....you damn sure dont listen to us. I honestly wish there was a way your husband could see your threads with how obsessed you are with your ex because its not fair to him at all. In fact, youre not too far off from the ex you claim is the worst person ever. Its very counterproductive to try and help so I wont respond to this thread anymore, but its crazy to think how things havent changed lol.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I think that what she really wants it's for him to feel like he lost something valuable. That is a normal feeling, but after four years... And now that she has a husband, I dunno. I think that you need to accept your real feelings OP. And work on them. We're here to support, but we can't do it if you don't let things go. Perfectly put x
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 It's easy to come on these forums for a bit of sympathy when someone dumps you. Who knows what happened. Maybe there's a reason he cut her off his life via text and told her to f off. Or maybe not. But from the outside, both look childish, immature and perfect for each other. Give it a rest now you are coming across as a bit of a bully
evanescentworld Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 I'm not going to waste more time and money, when I've learnt much more reading books/ online, than someone who calls themself a doctor. But that's the problem. You HAVEN'T learnt. You still carry baggage, blame everyone else (both professional and amateur) for being the ones to mess with you. You don't get it at all. The main activist has to be you. no amount of therapy, self-help books, doctors, counsellors or threads on this forum will be of any blind bit of use if YOU DON'T PRACTICE WHAT YOU'RE ADVISED! You keep protesting about how much other people mess up your life, interfere, or simply screw up on the support front - but it's always "someone else's" fault... Take responsibility for your own disastrous mess. This is on you. YOU are the one who is responsible for the way you feel right now. Nobody else. YOU refuse to even do anything pro-active to move yourself out of the rut you have dug for yourself. The only person you should be holding up to criticism, is yourself. Because you won't - move - on. You won't do 'the leg-work'. You won't help yourself. And until you face just how culpable you are; just how much of this crud lies at YOUR feet; just how much of this is within your power to change for good - you will always, but always find others will bring you down, tread on you, abuse you, treat you badly and mess with you. because that's all you've ever seen. Yourself, as the Victim. Remember what they say: When you point a finger at others, your other 3 fingers are pointing back at you. Time to face facts. You're three times the abuser any of them are.
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