jackinthebox1 Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Ive so far heard you berate your ex, your in laws, all of your therapists, pretty much everyone but yourself. If you can't find any fault in your own doings then you are wasting our time here asking for advice 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 I actually disagree.. I told my ex exactly what I thought of him this sat night just gone.. I have been though a year of hell while he rubbed his new RS into mine & my daughters face.. I finally picked us up & started my own business which has taken off & we are doing really well for ourselves.. About time the tables turned & I took great pleasure in my "parting speech" it was therapituc, factual & well overdue x I didn't give it another thought afterwards I just felt a massive release yet obviously it wasnt quite the same for him as Ive had messages from his sister today!! I call that payback.. Everyone deserves their moment x 2
me85 Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 I actually disagree.. I told my ex exactly what I thought of him this sat night just gone.. I have been though a year of hell while he rubbed his new RS into mine & my daughters face.. I finally picked us up & started my own business which has taken off & we are doing really well for ourselves.. About time the tables turned & I took great pleasure in my "parting speech" it was therapituc, factual & well overdue x I didn't give it another thought afterwards I just felt a massive release yet obviously it wasnt quite the same for him as Ive had messages from his sister today!! I call that payback.. Everyone deserves their moment x Ya, but would you contact your ex behind your new husband's back? That's really what I think is wrong. I'm sure her new husband would worry she isn't over her ex if he found out she sent him that. Or anything at all, probably. I think most people would worry their partner isn't over their ex if they found out they were contacting their ex for any reason. 3
Mondmellonw Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Ya, but would you contact your ex behind your new husband's back? That's really what I think is wrong. I'm sure her new husband would worry she isn't over her ex if he found out she sent him that. Or anything at all, probably. I think most people would worry their partner isn't over their ex if they found out they were contacting their ex for any reason. I had a boyfriend who still sent angry messages to his ex while in a relationship with me. And right after I broke up with him, he slept with her. So... Yeah, it can be misunderstood. I am not saying that the OP will do this, but... My ex kind of ate his own words when he slept with her after all those angry messages. And I always felt betrayed. Better leave it like it is now, OP.
me85 Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 I had a boyfriend who still sent angry messages to his ex while in a relationship with me. And right after I broke up with him, he slept with her. So... Yeah, it can be misunderstood. I am not saying that the OP will do this, but... My ex kind of ate his own words when he slept with her after all those angry messages. And I always felt betrayed. Better leave it like it is now, OP. Precisely. Having anger or hatred towards someone means you still care for them. I know this for a friggin fact! When you don't care, you truly do not care...to reach out, to respond, to think about it...nothing. 2
Ducktape Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 I actually disagree.. I told my ex exactly what I thought of him this sat night just gone.. I have been though a year of hell while he rubbed his new RS into mine & my daughters face.. I finally picked us up & started my own business which has taken off & we are doing really well for ourselves.. About time the tables turned & I took great pleasure in my "parting speech" it was therapituc, factual & well overdue x I didn't give it another thought afterwards I just felt a massive release yet obviously it wasnt quite the same for him as Ive had messages from his sister today!! I call that payback.. Everyone deserves their moment x Putting someone down isn't supposed to empower yourself. As much as you believe that helped you get some closure, it will catch up to you someday. Whether it is a self esteem issue, a codependant issue or whatever, I would do a bit of introspection as to why you needed to do that to feel better!
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 Therapy won't work if you are unwilling to work and make it effective. It seems you would rather continue carrying the mill-stone rather than put it down and get on with your life. Aren't you truly getting a bit tired of carrying your Suffering around with you, for so long? The angst is totally disproportionate.... Maybe players like this should go to therapy aswell? That would be a first!
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 Ya, but would you contact your ex behind your new husband's back? That's really what I think is wrong. I'm sure her new husband would worry she isn't over her ex if he found out she sent him that. Or anything at all, probably. I think most people would worry their partner isn't over their ex if they found out they were contacting their ex for any reason. Yet I've had another dumper contact me and ask me back, when he was in a relationship and I was single. Why was that ok? As always its only ok for the dumper to be a jerk?
Ducktape Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Maybe players like this should go to therapy aswell? That would be a first! Ok, I like quotes : "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" -Plato Maybe he is. Maybe he has. Maybe he won't. Everyone has their struggle, and it's hardly ever as perfect as it seems from the outside. But if he's such a bad person for you, for your life, why not be done with him? Why carry that thought around for 4 years, seek revenge? If he's so beneath your greatness, why go down to his level? 2
rester Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 He sounds like a coward and a jerk for dumping you the way he did, but the only thing that text probably gave him was validation for ending it with you when he did. I'd be quite surprised to get a text like that and I'd instantly lose any last respect I had for someone that would send it. Sorry to be so blunt.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 A 10 month relationship and you are here 4 years later complaining about it? I can't help but think he may have broken this up for a reason if this is how you are after this long and that is why he has stayed away this long. Please take a look at your behaviour in this and make sure that this never happens in another relationship/ If you have just got married and text him this then you are already on the way to ****ing your new relationship up It was memorable but for all the wrong reasons.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 Ive so far heard you berate your ex, your in laws, all of your therapists, pretty much everyone but yourself. If you can't find any fault in your own doings then you are wasting our time here asking for advice Wouldn't you too if you had interfering in laws?!
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 If you truly met with several therapists and it never worked out, maybe it's time to find a common dominator. Like... Maybe... You. Maybe it is that you only wanna hear what you wanna hear. Therapy isn't supposed to be a walk in the park. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes the truth hurts. I have since found the hospital where I sought pregnancy counseling is well known with multiple complaints, for the crap system. And all their good professionals get fed up and leave.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 He sounds like a coward and a jerk for dumping you the way he did, but the only thing that text probably gave him was validation for ending it with you when he did. I'd be quite surprised to get a text like that and I'd instantly lose any last respect I had for someone that would send it. Sorry to be so blunt. I lost respect for him when he dumped me out of the blue, telling me to f off. What do you expect when you treat people like that?
Ducktape Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 The whole world is against you it seems sugarkane. What are you doing about it?
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 He sounds like a coward and a jerk for dumping you the way he did, but the only thing that text probably gave him was validation for ending it with you when he did. I'd be quite surprised to get a text like that and I'd instantly lose any last respect I had for someone that would send it. Sorry to be so blunt. At least I tried. Users and players like this never do. They just keep doing the same thing over and over.
Author Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2014 Author Posted November 24, 2014 Putting someone down isn't supposed to empower yourself. As much as you believe that helped you get some closure, it will catch up to you someday. Whether it is a self esteem issue, a codependant issue or whatever, I would do a bit of introspection as to why you needed to do that to feel better! He had no problem rubbing his success in my face, when he dumped me.
Zahara Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 At least I tried. Users and players like this never do. They just keep doing the same thing over and over. You're harping on what happened to you 4 years ago. Over and over. Unable to accept that there are people out there that will treat you badly. This shytt happens. Not everyone is going to live life the Sugarkane way. Not everyone is going to treat you right. Accept it. It's one thing to be upset but to carry this for 4 years, and a 10 month relationship -- when you just got married, AND you have a child -- people that you should be investing and focusing your attention on, feeling content and happy with the wonderful gifts you have been bestowed. Instead, still griping about a guy that cheated on you 4 years ago. We've all come across people that have treated us badly. You let go and you move on. You're so consumed by what he needs to learn, if he learns it, when he learns it, will he learn it -- maybe it's time you focus on why you view your life through such a bitter and pessimistic lense when you have a husband and a child that should be fulfilling and lifting your life versus wasted energy on some cheater. 6
Mondmellonw Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Sugarkane... I can see where you are coming from (I too had a person treating me like crap). He acted like a jerk. So you want him to receive a little of his own medicine, right? But as I am sure that you already know: he isn't like you. He doesn't thinks like you. Because if he did, he wouldn't have insulted you that way when he dumped you. So, I think he will feel he is important to you, instead of thinking that you "won". Just forget about sending him anything else.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 This battle has been going on for two plus years now with sugarkane. She has had numerous theads and loads of people talking to her, give her advice, free therapy, etc. You'll turn blue in the face until you will just give up. She doesnt seem to grasp just some people are a**holes, but the fact she hasn't let it go in years speaks volumes when it comes to her own personal demons. She wants some holy hell revenge for some reason, which only makes her look petty.....which is what I see from where I'm sitting. She will blame everyone else but herself and still be mad at her ex. I dont know the overall point of what she wants anymore. 8
rester Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 I lost respect for him when he dumped me out of the blue, telling me to f off. What do you expect when you treat people like that? I completely understand why you lost respect for him. I was once in a similar situation. At least I tried. Users and players like this never do. They just keep doing the same thing over and over. What exactly did you try? Revenge? You need to heal yourself and to be thankful a jerk like that is no longer in your life. This should have been done before getting involved with someone new. I'd be very upset if my wife still harbored such hate for an ex. Hopefully you and your new husband can get past your feelings for your ex. Good luck. 1
Ducktape Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 But as I am sure that you already know: he isn't like you. He doesn't thinks like you. Because if he did, he wouldn't have insulted you that way when he dumped you. Actually I don't see the difference. They are a perfect match. That's probably what's keeping her from moving on, 4 years later.
Mondmellonw Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 Actually I don't see the difference. They are a perfect match. That's probably what's keeping her from moving on, 4 years later. I think that what she really wants it's for him to feel like he lost something valuable. That is a normal feeling, but after four years... And now that she has a husband, I dunno. I think that you need to accept your real feelings OP. And work on them. We're here to support, but we can't do it if you don't let things go. 1
Ducktape Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 I think that what she really wants it's for him to feel like he lost something valuable. That is a normal feeling, but after four years... And now that she has a husband, I dunno. I think that you need to accept your real feelings OP. And work on them. We're here to support, but we can't do it if you don't let things go. It's easy to come on these forums for a bit of sympathy when someone dumps you. Who knows what happened. Maybe there's a reason he cut her off his life via text and told her to f off. Or maybe not. But from the outside, both look childish, immature and perfect for each other.
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