manhattie Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 I'm a sophomore in college and he's a senior in high school. But this isn't about that. My aunt married his uncle during the holidays (that's how we met) so I guess that makes us cousins-in-law or something. But this isn't about that either. We're amazingly compatible and I really really like him. We've been IM-ing almost every night and meeting up on the weekends for... enjoyable shared activities. But here's the problem. He was in a sc\hool play last month with this skinny pretty blonde who I could tell had her sights set on him. (I'm cute, people tell me, but I'm chubby and wear glasses so blondes trigger my fight-or-flight response.) He said she had a reputation at their school for brief flings with people she did plays with (she's the class actress apparently) so he didn't take her seriously. Well, I guess he's started taking her a little more seriously because when I couldn't reach him last weekend he said he'd been at a museum with her. I was about to throw a jealous fit when he derailed me by saying, "This is the first I've heard anything about us not being allowed to see other people." And he was right, I guess. Until Blondie came along, I wasn't worried about anyone else because as the "older college girl" I thought I held all the cards. I want to say, "I don't want you seeing anyone else." (Especially HER.) But I don't know if I can afford to. I mean why would he agree to commit to me when he's already got someone prettier after him and he's leaving for college in less than six months anyway? Jesus, this sucks. I want him all to myself! How should I play this? Casual - like there's boy action on the college front (there isn't) so he can get a little taste of insecurity? Should I be honest about my feelings for him? (Shudder.) I don't what the hell to do. Advice?
pseud Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Your desire to make this into a game may be your downfall. Be honest about the situation. If you want him all to yourself, tell him that you want to see him exclusively. If you say he can see other people, make sure that you mean what you say. Honesty may be difficult, but in the end it makes things far easier on everyone.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 1. How should I play this? 2. Casual - like there's boy action on the college front (there isn't) so he can get a little taste of insecurity? 3. Should I be honest about my feelings for him? (Shudder.) I don't what the hell to do. Advice? 1. You don't. Like said above, approaching it as a game is a bad idea. 2. Don't lie to him about this. Even if he does get jealous - and chances are he won't given your post, it will be far outweighed by his anger at being tricked and lied to in order to elicit a certain response. 3. Yes, but understand that by doing so you are risking the relationship you do have by going for the one that you want. What to do? Weigh your options and risk/benefits. Is it worth it to you to keep the relationship you have, or is it worth it to you to risk losing it in order to get the relationship you want? My advice? Don't push it. He knew how you felt about him going out with this girl - because I'm sure you let him know in many indirect ways, and he did it anyway. Then 'derailed' you with a reminder that it wasn't exclusive. What you have can conceivably grow into something more - but right now he's in a different place in his life than you are. Even by such a short span of years, he is facing a milestone that you left behind two years ago. I don't know that he is going to want to narrow his options right now, particularly under threats or ultimatum. Keep doing what you are doing with him - talk, hang out, whatever - but be patient. In the meanwhile, look around for guys yourself at your school. A good deal of your dating potential lies not in your looks, but how you use them. Maybe guys your age are a threat to you since on an even age/experience playing field, you consider yourself somewhat in a lower dating potential bracket than other girls in your age/experience bracket? I can understand going for the younger guy, because just by age and experience you have put yourself up on a higher bracket and by grace of those two things have made yourself more desirable than girls his own age. Its 'safer' for you - but you are setting yourself up for some disappointment by pushing it with this particular guy.
Mr Spock Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Silly you. You're a woman-if you actually LIKE a guy, you don't hold any cards.... Ask him if he likes this girl and wants to date her, because you don't want to date him if he's seeing other people. There is nothing wrong with being up front about what you want and yet still not revealing 'feelings' which tend to freak men under the age of 45 out.
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