Video about crushes

[Darren2013]

 

Let your crush know how you feel? That's bad advice. I can't believe some folks are giving this kind of advice. Whoever wrote this guy in wanted to know how to go about hiding their feelings from their crush and he didn't even answer the question.

[Gloria25]

 

Let your crush know how you feel? That's bad advice. I can't believe some folks are giving this kind of advice. Whoever wrote this guy in wanted to know how to go about hiding their feelings from their crush and he didn't even answer the question.

 

Ok, but what is your purpose in hiding your feelings from a crush?

 

What was the guy who wrote the guy in the video's purpose in hiding your feelings from a crush?

 

I can get where if you are in a situation where you can't date (i.e. currently involved with someone else, under stress, etc.)...you wouldn't want to let your crush know cuz no matter what you feel about them, you are not open/available to date them.

 

But, besides a situation that makes you unavailable, what is the purpose in hiding your feelings from your crush? And really, even in the situations where you are currently unavailable - but don't want someone else to sweep up your crush, what is the harm in telling the person that 'you're interested, but you got some things to sort out before you can give them the time a RL deserves'?

 

No, I don't believe he's advocating you pouring out your soul to a crush...but to intentionally hide your attraction when you have no reason to, is just pointless. And, like the guy in the video says, you'll be sitting on the sidelines while your crush is chatting with other guys who stepped up to the plate.

 

I'm not sure what the reason the guy who wrote the guy in the video was, but I guess it was cuz the guy wasn't sure the crush felt the same way he felt for her? Well, again, how is the guy gonna find out how the crush ACTUALLY feels (not his fears of what she may/may not feel) if he doesn't act and make his attraction to her known?

 

But, I'm sure you don't like what the guy in this video is preaching cuz from what you've posted here about your crush, it goes against what you believe - which appears to be hiding in the shadows, doing ambivalent gestures - hoping she will recognize them - thus demonstrating a certain level of interest.

 

I mean, I don't get you. You have been rebuffing every attempt your crush at your job has made towards you - when if you only took her up on coffee or wings you would have had your ultimate and perhaps final opportunity to gauge her interest level.

 

Yet, you "reconnect" with someone on Facebook - whom you have yet to meet in person, but you feel more confident about this woman's interest level in you. AND, you are already excited about making plans to drive half-way over several miles just to meet her for the first time.

 

Geesh, I think coffee with your crush would have been cheaper and/or more rewarding.

 

But, I guess some people aren't comfortable with "the real thing"....so, they push that away and go with something that makes them feel more comfortable - even though that may not be the best option....Hey, but whatever floats people's boat.

[Gloria25]

 

Let your crush know how you feel? That's bad advice. I can't believe some folks are giving this kind of advice. Whoever wrote this guy in wanted to know how to go about hiding their feelings from their crush and he didn't even answer the question.

 

BTW, he probably didn't answer the question cuz it wouldn't be of any benefit to the person who asked him the question. In other words, no need to answer his question on how to hide his feelings to a crush, cuz hiding a crush isn't what would be best.

 

Dr. Laura does that at times, and it's cuz she knows what she's doing. A good psychologist/social worker/psychiatrist can look through what the person is saying/doing and discover the deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

[Got it]

BTW, he probably didn't answer the question cuz it wouldn't be of any benefit to the person who asked him the question. In other words, no need to answer his question on how to hide his feelings to a crush, cuz hiding a crush isn't what would be best.

 

Dr. Laura does that at times, and it's cuz she knows what she's doing. A good psychologist/social worker/psychiatrist can look through what the person is saying/doing and discover the deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

 

Umm, these are antithesis of each other. NOT who I would be quoting for any type of advice or guidance.

 

OP - why wouldn't you tell your crush? Doesn't the game playing just get exhausting? Life is too short for all of these rules, games, mental exercises. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Very simple.

[Darren2013]

I think the whole concept of communication is overrated and that kind of advice on these boards is one example of that. Until I can be sure that the other person feels the same way then my feelings for them are really none of their business.

 

Communication is overrated and also kills the mystery that makes relationships more exciting. Even in friendships communication is overrated. I'm not really the type of person who believes in asking for what I need from a friend or lover. I feel like they should already know and take the initiative to meet those needs. If they can't do that then I won't be asking anything from them and I will move on.

 

Asking a woman out on a date is one attempt to ask her to meet a need I have for her company. So I just don't do it. Asking for what I need or want is a sign of weakness.

[Darren2013]

Well one way to hide my feelings for my crush is to now treat all my coworkers the same way. In other words if I'm going to do favors for her then from now on I make sure I do favors for some of my other coworkers too so that it doesn't become obvious to her that I am singling her out and giving her special treatment. Even the doing favors for her can come off suspicious if I'm not doing favors for other coworkers too. If I do favors for 3 or 4 other coworkers then that might be enough to throw off her suspicions and she will think I'm just being a nice guy.

[Got it]

I think the whole concept of communication is overrated and that kind of advice on these boards is one example of that. Until I can be sure that the other person feels the same way then my feelings for them are really none of their business.

 

Communication is overrated and also kills the mystery that makes relationships more exciting. Even in friendships communication is overrated. I'm not really the type of person who believes in asking for what I need from a friend or lover. I feel like they should already know and take the initiative to meet those needs. If they can't do that then I won't be asking anything from them and I will move on.

 

Asking a woman out on a date is one attempt to ask her to meet a need I have for her company. So I just don't do it. Asking for what I need or want is a sign of weakness.

 

Then you are at a standoff. If neither blinks you will never know.

 

Ugh, life is too short to play these games. Just speak up and be done with it.

 

Honey, please, seek therapy. You are never going to be happy until you address these issues. They are not healthy.

[eye of the storm]

If I like strawberry ice cream and never tell my partner that I like strawberry ice cream and he gets me chocolate, I can't be mad and "move on".

 

Its stupid. People are not mind readers. Nobody will know what your needs are or how to meet them if you don't communicate your needs.

 

It is just another way to punish people for "failing" you when you are the one causing the failure.

[hotpotato]

Just tell her and get it over with. The worst she can say is,"No thanks, I'm not interested."

She probably has figured out by now that you have a crush on her and is wondering why you won't say something.

[Darren2013]

Just tell her and get it over with. The worst she can say is,"No thanks, I'm not interested."

She probably has figured out by now that you have a crush on her and is wondering why you won't say something.

 

Because it really is none of her business that I have a crush on her. Unless the other person makes it clear they feel the same way then there can be no benefit to revealing that you have a crush on them. Sure she may already suspect that I like her but my actions still leave room for doubt. Why? Because I have never flirted with her even once. Never touched her even once. I never even complimented her. The farthest I've gone is just doing favors for her and offering my food but even that I've put a stop to because I realize now even offering food is inappropriate in a work enviornment unless I am offering all my other coworkers food at the same time. Offering her food without offering anyone else will likely be viewed with suspicion. So I put a stop to it.

[Gloria25]

Because it really is none of her business that I have a crush on her. Unless the other person makes it clear they feel the same way then there can be no benefit to revealing that you have a crush on them. Sure she may already suspect that I like her but my actions still leave room for doubt. Why? Because I have never flirted with her even once. Never touched her even once. I never even complimented her. The farthest I've gone is just doing favors for her and offering my food but even that I've put a stop to because I realize now even offering food is inappropriate in a work enviornment unless I am offering all my other coworkers food at the same time. Offering her food without offering anyone else will likely be viewed with suspicion. So I put a stop to it.

 

From what you've posted here you KNOW your crush feels the same for you. What person would invite you to have coffee with them and/or wings after work if they weren't interested in you....and even "if" to you that wasn't strong enough of signs of interest and/or that interest isn't at the "level" of interest you have in her, you sure are blocking each and every way (which is done in the dating world) to find out what her actual level of interest is/was.

 

NEWS FLASH, you won't know how someone feels about you until you engage them...working with someone and/or being their friend is not how you're gonna find out if they're interested cuz they are gonna conduct themselves according to the role you two are currently in (i.e. co-workers, friends). You have to actually "date" them to get to know them on a different level. They will reveal certain things about them when you are "dating" them that they normally wouldn't reveal to a co-worker and/or a friend. That's why I roll my eyes when people count "friend" and "co-worker" and/or "shack-up" time as their time that they needed to figure out if someone was a "match". Doesn't work like that. You need 1 1/2 to 2 years of actual "dating" to get to know someone.

 

Oh, and yes, this is all your crushes' fault cuz at no time you have flirted with her, touched her, and/or even complimented her. So how dare she invite you to a coffee and/or ponder what's going on in your pretty little head!!! Whatever she may feel/not feel for you is all her fault.

 

I'm sorry, but I don't buy that. In the animal kingdom - even for us humans - we emit "signals/signs" that other people pick up on (i.e. body language). And, I'm sure you know she's been picking up on your signals cuz no matter how much you try to hide it, it shines through. She sees you staring at her "area" at all times of the day/nite. She caught you driving behind her. I believe you know that and are not ignorant here, cuz I recall you posting about getting your daily "fix" on observing her. Do you think she doesn't notice? She's only doing what's natural - which is to wonder if you are interested and if she should make a move and/or reciprocate signs of interest.

 

But, some people are selfish. They use others for their own ego boost or whatever. The situation you have described about your crush in your posts here, to me is the equivalent of a chick who befriends a guy she clearly knows is interested in her, but cuz she said "we're just friends" to him - doesn't matter if she invites him to movies, cries on his shoulder, even sleeps in the same bed with him, cuz what counts is that she gets her "emotional tampon" to soak up all her mess, while she dates who she really wants to date.

 

From what you post you don't believe in Karma or God punishing anyone, so I can see where you have no remorse and/or feelings for what you do and its impact on others. No, this woman is not your gf, wife and you have no legal obligation to give her a thing, but what's so hard in telling her you're "attracted, but not interested" instead of all these "peek-a-boo" games...then blowing her off when she tries to just ask you out for coffee or chat you up? Oh yea, I forgot, this is all about you and getting your "fix". Sorry, I forgot that.

 

I pray that this crush, if she hasn't already - stop looking into everything you do as some glimmer of hope and just move on already. Cuz, while we can't control the actions of others (as mean and cruel as they are) we can control ours. You can only kick a dog for so long...

Edited January 20, 2015 by Gloria25

[Darren2013]

Well nobody can regulate what people think and feel and are attracted to. Therefore we shouldn't be concerned with what goes through a person's head. We can only concern ourselves with what they do with those thoughts in terms of actions and behavior.

 

I think another poster gave that as good advice on another thread. My point is that in a worst case scenario that you kind of instinctively know that a guy is crushing on you but you don't feel the same way you really shouldn't feel uncomfortable with the knowledge that he has a crush on you unless he acts on it by asking you out or flirting with you, etc. What he thinks about you shouldn't make you uncomfortable as long as he doesn't verbalize it and doesn't behave in ways where he looks for reasons to be near you.

[Gloria25]

Well nobody can regulate what people think and feel and are attracted to. Therefore we shouldn't be concerned with what goes through a person's head. We can only concern ourselves with what they do with those thoughts in terms of actions and behavior.

 

I think another poster gave that as good advice on another thread. My point is that in a worst case scenario that you kind of instinctively know that a guy is crushing on you but you don't feel the same way you really shouldn't feel uncomfortable with the knowledge that he has a crush on you unless he acts on it by asking you out or flirting with you, etc. What he thinks about you shouldn't make you uncomfortable as long as he doesn't verbalize it and doesn't behave in ways where he looks for reasons to be near you.

 

So, what you're saying that it's okay for someone that's crushing on you to continue to behave in certain ways (i.e. staring at you, following you around) as long you are crushing on them too?

 

Really?

 

Gimmie a break already

[Darren2013]

I never follow my crush around. I also think there's a difference between staring vs. glancing over in her direction every once in awhile. But most days I avoid looking at her. I may glance at her for a split second when I think she's not looking.

 

I think glancing in your crush's direction once or twice a day for 2 seconds is fine because it isn't obvious. There can be other reasons for looking in their direction.

[Gloria25]

I never follow my crush around. I also think there's a difference between staring vs. glancing over in her direction every once in awhile. But most days I avoid looking at her. I may glance at her for a split second when I think she's not looking.

 

I think glancing in your crush's direction once or twice a day for 2 seconds is fine because it isn't obvious. There can be other reasons for looking in their direction.

 

Well, I'm glad that you and others like you can wipe off any guilt cuz of course, you're not doing anything to lead anyone on and any woman who looks at what you do and interprets it into something is her own fault.

 

Good for you and others like you!!! I hope you're happy!!!