hemademecrazy Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 It is 5 months since I broke up with my ex for the fourth time. We met at work during an intense and stressful project. It was the most stressful time of both our lives. At first I said I didn't want a relationship. It wasn't the right time, I was afraid of getting hurt. But he chased and chased until I gave in.He said all the right things, that I was amazing! He wanted to marry me etc....I was charmed and we entered into a relationship. He is a negative and pessimistic person, suffers from anxiety and demands a lot of attention, but I loved him and I supported him and always tried to boost his confidence. I did neglect other things in my life while I was with him but that was my choice. I was difficult in the relationship and I had a lot of doubts in the beginning. I was insecure and self conscious. He's a difficult person too. He is sensitive and gets easily offended. On many occasions, I was tempted to finish things with him, but I didn't because I had strong feelings for him despite his negative traits. The first time we broke up whilst on holidays, he became offended by a flippant comment which I made and accused me of not caring about him. I cried when he dumped me, I didn't sleep and begged him to reconsider and the next morning we decided to stay together. The second time we broke up was because he decided he disliked my best friend, was being particularly difficult, shouted at me when I was too tired to go out on a Friday night and had no interest when I was ill...he also made some ridiculous comments like 'why are you being so nice?' So I broke up with him. He asked me to reconsider and after a week I did but he refused until he saw me with a male friend and the next day he asked me to get back together with him. The third time was because he read a text I had sent to a friend 4 months previously saying that I wanted to break up with him, it hurt him a lot so he dumped me. He called me a f!cking liar etc etc. He went through 6 weeks of hell, not eating, went to a counsellor and basically couldn't be without me. I begged him to get back with me, I cried, I was devastated. During this time we remained friends and saw each other every day. There were wild moments, fights in the street, I once locked him in my car so that he would speak to me. I sent nice emails, I sent loving emails, I sent nasty emails. I was hurting so much. And we reconciled...I couldn't believe it!!! The last time, 5 months ago, he had tried to break up with me a few times and I refused to let him. Little things he said started to build up until one day I exploded, started a row and said 'I guess you want to break up again'. To which he replied, yep, goodbye... He immediately joined online dating, hit the gym. He wouldn't talk about the breakup. He became cold. After which followed 3 months of absolute crazy behavior from me, multiple calls, texts, emails - I became an absolute nutter! When he didn't answer my calls, I called him from a different number to trick him!. He mostly ignored me. I was angry, hurt and the pain was so intense....he forgave a lot of it until the day I told him I didn't believe we weren't getting back together and I didn't believe the feelings were gone!! Embarassing, crazy behaviour! I'm an extremely strong, educated, caring person. I can't believe my behaviour. But I still love him and think about him every day. And I haven't yet accepted he's NOT COMING BACK!! I wish I could take it all back, but there you have it...its too late. Why am I writing this now? ...because writing this will hopefully shock me into forgetting about him. I didn't respect his wishes..he said that he immediately regretted breaking up with me but my behaviour since the breakup has made him realise he made the right decision...so there is no going back. The intense project finished a month after we broke up which made me angry because that was causing the stress and that's finished now.... So a lesson in damaging things beyond repair see above. This is the end of the saga for me, today.....I pushed an amazing guy away, perhaps he wasn't right for me....perhaps he was...but for me, I am letting it go, tonight...
lemonsugar Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 It sounds like a terrible relationship. Be glad it is over and by acting crazy it is most likely over. He sounds awful for you and brings out the crazy (bad type) in you. Go NC do not ever talk to him again there will be a guy out there that brings out the good crazy. If you need to give someone your phone for a week or 2 so you cant contact him delete his number emails etc just distance yourself. If you give yourself that distance i recon you will see how crap that relationship actually was 1
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