The "always on the go" type and the loveless relationship

[johan]

I wouldn't bother with a woman like the one in the original post. She makes it sound like "are you man enough to be with me?" I would say maybe. But between the lines the question really is "patient enough to put up with me?" I assume I'm not.

[OwMyEyeball]

The kind of person that bores easily is the kind of person not suitable for something long term.

 

What I'm trying to say here is people with these lifestyles of incapable of any kind of long term relationship. The only thing they get out of it is an occasional piece of a** when you get h*8rny, hang out with each other only because you're bored, and that's pretty much it.

 

Players LOVE women like this. They can likely get away with cheating while she's out traveling the world.

How do you know this? Have you lived this type of lifestyle? Do you have close friendships with people who do or have?

 

I've lived this type of life and know many who have or continue to do so. Very many.From blue collar seasonal workers to high ranking doctors in the WHO to lawyers who field their time between North America, Europe and Africa. Some are married with children, others have strong long-term relationships and others still struggle in their romantic lives, as many often do while they search for themselves and their higher calling in life.

 

Your prejudicial comments towards this woman are petty and baseless. From an OKCupid profile you conclude that she's "cold, calculating and impersonal". Have you even met her?

 

Take some of that psychoanalytical power and turn it inwards. Ask yourself why you even care so much about this profile to make such far reaching judgments and continue to defend them, even expand on them, here at LS.

[MissBee]

I guess she is fed up of guys that do not match up with what she wants, so is putting her lifestyle on the line to attract a certain type of man.

She doesn't need to date the world, she has her wish list and some man somewhere will go, "YES! that is the woman for me."

She is not going to care about not attracting soppy romantic types, or players, or some guy more interested in hair gel or his pecs than her, she doesn't want some guy who sees her as a free ticket to some fun.

She is being deadly serious here, and is looking for a partner that matches her lifestyle and will share her goals. She is an educated woman who knows her own mind.

What is wrong with that?

 

I agree.

 

At the end of the day dating should be self-selecting.The people turned off by your profile are the types you exactly DON'T want to date. For me personally, I've never understood folks who find a profile they dislike and spend time analyzing and judging it and fretting over what it means for the individual who wrote it. If she isn't your cup of tea, that's fine, however, I don't get the concern if you're not gonna date her about whether or not she can find love.

 

Her profile didn't sound cold, calculating or unemotional to me. I mean I'm not even sure what an emotional profile should sound like. The sound bite on the dating site is to display some aspects of your personality to intrigue potential dates and then when you really talk and go out with them is when you learn more and decide if they're the one for you. I'm sure lots of men who are themselves this way may like what she has to say.

 

This is only a snippet though and cannot tell you the WHOLE picture...so don't get a snippet confused with the whole thing. Being "on the go" doesn't necessarily mean you cannot have a relationship. Relationships mean different things to different people, even marriage means different things to different people, hence you find someone whose preferences for what a relationship should look like that matches yours. LOTS of people are busy people, even if they aren't traveling across the world "petting tigers", yet many do manage to have relationships. Your ideal it seems is 40 hours a week then weekends on a lake...that's cool. But realize this is not everyone's dream life and you cannot assume that the ONLY way to have a meaningful relationship is your way.

 

Just the other day my girlfriends and I were having a girls night in talking about relationships and going out and my roommate (she's an attorney but right now is getting a masters in something else and her bf is a corporate attorney and they're currently LD since she moved for school) was saying since they've been together (4 years) she never really goes out much. They just stay home all the time and she loves it! My other friend (a PhD student) was saying she frickin hates that and hates the point in a relationship where they're just staying home. She wants kids really badly but doesn't want to be married. She's an extrovert and gets her energy from being around others and always doing stuff and she's had several LTRs, she's single now and dating casually, but basically for her whole life has had relationships no less than 2 years and also lived with a few. So she's very much capable of a relationship even though she also travels a lot and is on the go and HATES staying home. I'm in between. I like the point that we're comfortable and we can just stay home and do something chill but I also like a little adventure and will get very restless if I'm not doing things and growing. Staying home ALL the time would drive me just as crazy as going out and doing stuff ALL the time would.

 

Long story short: while some "on the go" types may have trouble having a sustainable relationship it may not necessarily be because they're on the go, as many people who have never even moved from one town to another can have the same issue as well. If you're "on the go", like this woman, it makes perfect sense to find someone who embraces and fits your lifestyle, which is the point of all dating anyway, finding a good fit for you. On the go types can have long term relationships if it is fitting their needs and matches with their life and if they have a partner who is compatible with that. If they are with the total opposite of themselves then that is likely where they'll have issues.

 

The idea that only those working 40 hours a week and going to lakes on the weekend can have meaningful relationships is a kind of narrow view IMO. Not everyone wants kids, picket fence, going to the lake and that's OK! Some people need more and that's OK! I want both. I want kids and the picket fence as well as the safaris. Anyway, lots of people are also quite bored in their supposed stable relationship and are cheating up a storm for the adrenaline rush and excitement and then playing good dad/mom and husband/wife on the surface. So don't be fooled in assuming on the go means necessarily you can't have a good relationship or that not on the go means your relationships will last and be good. It's all about the people, their compatibility and share lifestyle/worldview with their partner and their freedom to choose a relationship that suits them.

Edited November 23, 2014 by MissBee

[MissBee]

Not sure what you mean by "free ride"? Explain please.

 

I could mirror what you said by saying that this lifestyle is likely to "go nowhere long term" as well. So it's moot either way.

To be honest, people with these kinds of lifestyles cannot expect long term monogamy. I can tell you that right now.

 

Not sure how you're the arbiter of this.

 

My mom is absolutely NOT this type. She is married, works certain hours a week, she's traveled some in her life but is more or less a stable, homebody kind of lady...she has a serial cheater for a husband! So woops...sorry...long term monogamy isn't guaranteed by the level of activity in your life. Like I said, some very normal people who aren't traveling across the world and don't have demanding jobs are STILL sitting at home being cheated on by a spouse looking for excitement or they themselves are the ones out looking for excitement. So monogamy is NOT guaranteed by being on the go or not.

 

Monogamy is a choice and people make the choice if they want. You don't even know the actual breakdown of this woman's life so I don't see how what she said and her pictures can give you conclusive evidence as to what her 365 days a year are made up of and how it's divided.

 

You find time to fit in what you need to fit in to your life and most are not petting tigers and jumping out of planes every single day for 23 hours a day. If I could wager, I'm sure this woman works as a vet during whatever hours per week, goes home, relaxes, goes out on the weekends and makes her trips a few times a year and has PLENTY of time to fit a monogamous relationship in. And if she is with a man who has the same zeal for what she loves, then he'll likely be a man with his own career commitments and they'll go on their adventures TOGETHER and can still also give each other space and still be monogamous. It sounds good and very reasonable to me!

 

If however she were to date a man who had a job versus a career maybe, who didn't like traveling much they'd probably be poorly suited because her lifestyle and desires would clash with his and that tension would probably result in the demise more than if she's with someone who understands and feels similarly about "being on the go." On the go CAN be code for emotionally unavailable but it doesn't HAVE to be. Like I said, my dad is an emotionally unavailable serial cheater who is MARRIED with kids and works 9-5 and doesn't travel very often and isn't on the go...no monogamy really from him even though he's pretty much a work and come home guy (who still finds time to cheat somewhere in between). So the issue is far more complex and about people and their maturity, compatibility and their own issues more so than if they are on the go or not. It seems you equate on the go with guaranteed emotionally unavailability and inability for monogamy when that's a very simplistic and incorrect view.

[thefooloftheyear]

Yes, the woman in the OP sounds like she has some issues...There is nothing wrong with having a busy life, but the way she presented it seems like she has some insecurities...Anyway....

 

All I can add here is that, I believe, true "Type A" personalities often struggle in a relationship..While they dont knowingly do it to piss the other person off, their being consumed in careers, hobbies, and other extracurricular stuff will put a strain on most partners eventually....Balance is a hard thing for these people...and it will adversely affect interpersonal relationships...Are there those that could find a harmonious partner? I guess so...Maybe a person with a similar lifestyle, but then what type of relationshup would that be.?

 

BTW, I am speaking from experience here as I type this..Sure, I am great at those things, but I feel I cant balance my personal/family life well and it has hurt me in the time/effort needed for the "other" aspects of a normal and healthy life..

 

TFY

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yes, the woman in the OP sounds like she has some issues...There is nothing wrong with having a busy life, but the way she presented it seems like she has some insecurities...Anyway....

 

All I can add here is that, I believe, true "Type A" personalities often struggle in a relationship..While they dont knowingly do it to piss the other person off, their being consumed in careers, hobbies, and other extracurricular stuff will put a strain on most partners eventually....Balance is a hard thing for these people...and it will adversely affect interpersonal relationships...Are there those that could find a harmonious partner? I guess so...Maybe a person with a similar lifestyle, but then what type of relationshup would that be.?

 

BTW, I am speaking from experience here as I type this..Sure, I am great at those things, but I feel I cant balance my personal/family life well and it has hurt me in the time/effort needed for the "other" aspects of a normal and healthy life..

 

TFY

 

 

So eloquently put fool of the year. Let's say if you even put those two personality types together, it still wouldn't last long. Of course, they may get their sexual fixes an occasional month here and there, but it's like to negative ends of a battery attempting to touch. Such a relationship would be indeed unsatisfying, but then again, there's likely difficulty satisfying these personality types.

 

I would see someone put in their profile, "Looking for someone to keep me entertained". Sound like they need to hire a comedian or a tour guide, a circus monkey... not a sig. other. lol.

 

Guaranteed, when they get older, they will not likely remembered as someone who "worked hard." and emblazen that on their tombstone.

I often wonder if if they have a sick family member in need, would they have time for them? Would they take time off work for an ailing mother?

[Els]

"Passport-wielding types"? Interesting description. Do you not have a passport?

 

I'm not sure I agree with the way she chose to word her profile, but I disagree even more strongly with people who claim to know what works and doesn't work for the millions of other people in the world. If you do not know even one long-term couple who enjoys traveling or who works more than 40 hours/week, your social circle must be quite limited.

[MissBee]

"Passport-wielding types"? Interesting description. Do you not have a passport?

 

I'm not sure I agree with the way she chose to word her profile, but I disagree even more strongly with people who claim to know what works and doesn't work for the millions of other people in the world. If you do not know even one long-term couple who enjoys traveling or who works more than 40 hours/week, your social circle must be quite limited.

 

Right!

 

And again it seems to ignore the millions of people with bad rations hips who don't do those things.

 

Just because you can't find balance doesn't mean other people can't and there are tons of people: presidents of countries, performers, CEOs, surgeons and the list goes on who may work atypical or long hours and travel often but still have a family or a relationship.

[Woggle]

I see nothing wrong whatsoever with her lifestyle but it was always a turn off when a woman said guys aren't man enough to handle her. That is a red flag to me.

[elaine567]

So eloquently put fool of the year. Let's say if you even put those two personality types together, it still wouldn't last long. Of course, they may get their sexual fixes an occasional month here and there, but it's like to negative ends of a battery attempting to touch. Such a relationship would be indeed unsatisfying, but then again, there's likely difficulty satisfying these personality types.

 

I would see someone put in their profile, "Looking for someone to keep me entertained". Sound like they need to hire a comedian or a tour guide, a circus monkey... not a sig. other. lol.

 

Guaranteed, when they get older, they will not likely remembered as someone who "worked hard." and emblazen that on their tombstone.

I often wonder if if they have a sick family member in need, would they have time for them? Would they take time off work for an ailing mother?

 

What has all this got to do with you and how can you judge other people's relationships so adversely?

I have a feeling she has had men in the past who have told her what THEY want and expect from her. They have probably criticised her in the same way LookAtThisPOst has done here.

She wants to filter out those types and find someone who can accept her way of life and join her in on her adventures and someone she can relate to on an equal footing.

 

WE all want Mr or Miss Right, OLD is an opportunity for people who know what they want, to cast the net more widely.

I am not going to criticise her any more than I would criticise some man who only wants a long legged blonde with a passion for stamp collecting...

[FitChick]

More men are like that vet and still they manage to be happily married.

[MissBee]

More men are like that vet and still they manage to be happily married.

 

I sort of get the feeling if a man says this it's no big deal and he's just a guy living life to the fullest but if a woman does...well we need to find out what's wrong with her and tell her how much she won't find a man (the single goal every woman should aspire to as her highest aim of course) if she doesn't change her lifestyle.

[elaine567]

I sort of get the feeling if a man says this it's no big deal and he's just a guy living life to the fullest but if a woman does...well we need to find out what's wrong with her and tell her how much she won't find a man (the single goal every woman should aspire to as her highest aim of course) if she doesn't change her lifestyle.

 

In a nutshell.