Do they think about us?

[love2ride]

Its been three months since I was dumped after a 2 year relationship. We lived together the entire time. My ex seems to be handling the breakup no problem and her instagram shows her all happy and ****. The only reason I know this is mutual friends have told me. I know she is also dating.

 

Im hurting and can't even imagine dating yet. Does she miss me at all? Does she think about me or hurt? Is she just on a high and will crash later?

 

It just sucks to think I can barely go through each day while she seems to be so ****ing happy.

[me85]

My ex and I lived together the entire time we dated too. And were also together for 2 years.

 

She may be all "happy" now but as you said, she's just on a temporary high from freedom but eventually she'll crash back to reality. She'll think of you and miss you and eventually she'll probably even reach out to you.

 

My ex cheated & started publically seeing the girl he cheated on me with within a week of me moving out of his house. How did I know this? Firstly because of my gut and he didn't have the courtesy of deleting me from FB before he started liking and tagging her in posts. I mean, I knew there was someone else. I knew he was a jerk.

 

Yes, they think of us. My ex never stopped contacting me. But it's all for selfish reasons. I hope you're in better spirits soon!

[love2ride]

Thankyou that has helped me.

[elaine567]

Does she miss me at all? Does she think about me or hurt? Is she just on a high and will crash later?

 

I do not believe that all dumpers, "crash back to reality". I do not believe they hurt and miss the dumpee, nor do I believe they come to their senses eventually and want to renew the relationship either.

That may happen, but this is falsely raising hope here.

 

Who cares about her? She dumped you for a reason.

It may be very romantic to feel she is crying into her pillow, but the truth is she is probably not.

 

I know it may ease your pain a bit to get some hope here, but IME frankly you are better off cutting off your ex all together.

Looking at their pics and following her on Social media, will just eat you all up, as it is likely her next few pics will show her new guy and then where will you be?

 

Stop harking back to something that didn't work out, as that will do you no good. Accept it, move on and look forward to the future with someone else.

[love2ride]

Trust me i'm avoiding her, not contacting her anymore and not looking at any pics on social media. She has been blocked on fb and instagram since BU. She tried adding a couple people from my work and they told me. I agree they don't all think of us after. I'm not hoping she will come back and moving on. Just was hoping the bitch hurt to.

[elaine567]

I'm not hoping she will come back and moving on. Just was hoping the bitch hurt to.

 

Thoughts of revenge or hate, just tend to keep the wounds open.

[love2ride]

Your right, part of me just wants to know that she cared you know. I told her all my feelings after we broke up which was a mistake and she just was cold and emotionless so I have no idea what she felt, she never showed or told me. I guess it doesn't matter I just need to move on.

[elaine567]

Sounds like she had just made her mind up and nothing you were going to say or do was going to change things.

She was hard on you, yes, but she did you a favour, stringing you along would have been pointless and cruel.

 

I just need to move on.

 

Yes.

[SoThatHappened]

Not posting this to give you hope (as that just deters the process), but in my experience on both ends of the breakup:

 

- The long-term ex I broke up with, I still care about her. Always will. I've left her alone though, as contacting her may hurt her and me.

 

- Short-term ex who cheated on me has contacted me many times. Most within a week of the breakup, once almost 2 months after the breakup, and the latest over 3 months after the breakup.

 

Whether the ex regrets things, misses you, wants you back, etc., the only thing you can do is control your life.

 

That's it.

[love2ride]

Oh no Elaine she strung me along. We broke up for two months. I left, blocked her on social media. Immediately after she would text me daily. I ignored them all until a month later she called me in the middle of the night. I ignored three phone calls before answering and telling her to not contact me and hung up. Then she kept calling. I answered she said it was an emergency she had been drugged. I went over there and she was puking in the toilet. Said she was out for a drink and someone drugged her. I called her parents they said take her to the hospital. I said i'm the ex you take her. They wouldn't. I took her to emergency and when they admitted her and told me she was gonna be ok I left. When I left I told her never to contact me again.

 

Immediately next day she contacted me saying thank you and that would be the last text I ever get from her. A week goes by and she texts saying she wants to be forgiven and no hard feelings. Then she wants to see our dog. I cave and let her see the dog. We kiss. We agree to hang out as friends. We have sex. My feelings come back. She tells me that she only wants to be friends and we need to see other people. She cuts off the sex. She goes to a concert the next day with someone. I go crazy and text her at 1am telling her I can't do this ****. I'm jealous. Not to contact me. Then I break nc and start sending her emails about how we can make things work and what i'm feeling. We chat back and forth for about 15 days briefly here and there.

 

I did a tattoo on her when we were trying to be friends. Two days ago she said it needs touchups because its on her hand. I tell her i will pay for her to go to another shop to get it done. I do not want to see her. She says no u have to fix i. I agree and fixed it. We talked a little about dating. She asked if she could think it over. I said no. So she said no. She hinted that she is seeing someone or a bunch of different people. I tell her not to contact me ever and I won't contact her.

 

Next day, yesterday i get an email from her saying " I know we are never talking again but I love my tattoo, thank you, thank you". I ignore it. Halfway through the day I get a text saying "It looks amazing thank you". "I reply unless you are contacting me to work on us don't. It sounds like you are moving on and now I need to too. No contact means no contact."

 

So today is NC day 1

[me85]

I do not believe that all dumpers, "crash back to reality". I do not believe they hurt and miss the dumpee, nor do I believe they come to their senses eventually and want to renew the relationship either.

That may happen, but this is falsely raising hope here.

 

Who cares about her? She dumped you for a reason.

It may be very romantic to feel she is crying into her pillow, but the truth is she is probably not.

 

I know it may ease your pain a bit to get some hope here, but IME frankly you are better off cutting off your ex all together.

Looking at their pics and following her on Social media, will just eat you all up, as it is likely her next few pics will show her new guy and then where will you be?

 

Stop harking back to something that didn't work out, as that will do you no good. Accept it, move on and look forward to the future with someone else.

 

Hi, I'm me85. Just thought I should properly introduce myself before responding directly to you as opposed to indirectly responding to you.

 

Firstly, I never said "all" exes. And secondly, I said she would probably reach out. NOR am I trying to offer the OP a sense of hope.

 

That is all.

[elaine567]

Oh no Elaine she strung me along. We broke up for two months. I left, blocked her on social media. Immediately after she would text me daily. I ignored them all until a month later she called me in the middle of the night. I ignored three phone calls before answering and telling her to not contact me and hung up. Then she kept calling. I answered she said it was an emergency she had been drugged. I went over there and she was puking in the toilet. Said she was out for a drink and someone drugged her. I called her parents they said take her to the hospital. I said i'm the ex you take her. They wouldn't. I took her to emergency and when they admitted her and told me she was gonna be ok I left. When I left I told her never to contact me again.

 

Immediately next day she contacted me saying thank you and that would be the last text I ever get from her. A week goes by and she texts saying she wants to be forgiven and no hard feelings. Then she wants to see our dog. I cave and let her see the dog. We kiss. We agree to hang out as friends. We have sex. My feelings come back. She tells me that she only wants to be friends and we need to see other people. She cuts off the sex. She goes to a concert the next day with someone. I go crazy and text her at 1am telling her I can't do this ****. I'm jealous. Not to contact me. Then I break nc and start sending her emails about how we can make things work and what i'm feeling. We chat back and forth for about 15 days briefly here and there.

 

I did a tattoo on her when we were trying to be friends. Two days ago she said it needs touchups because its on her hand. I tell her i will pay for her to go to another shop to get it done. I do not want to see her. She says no u have to fix i. I agree and fixed it. We talked a little about dating. She asked if she could think it over. I said no. So she said no. She hinted that she is seeing someone or a bunch of different people. I tell her not to contact me ever and I won't contact her.

 

Next day, yesterday i get an email from her saying " I know we are never talking again but I love my tattoo, thank you, thank you". I ignore it. Halfway through the day I get a text saying "It looks amazing thank you". "I reply unless you are contacting me to work on us don't. It sounds like you are moving on and now I need to too. No contact means no contact."

 

So today is NC day 1

OK, not so good, I was responding to -

I told her all my feelings after we broke up which was a mistake and she just was cold and emotionless so I have no idea what she felt, she never showed or told me.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

15 months post BU.... can now see things clearly so this is my take...

 

YES of course they think about us and Im sure at times they do doubt their decisions as we also have times of thinking we miss them and times of thinking "were good!".. they might have dumped us but they arent the devil they are still human beings... unless there was terrible stuff involved... you cant erase stuff from your memory but what you can do is that every time u think about it or something triggers a thought about them then make yourself think about something else until the "craving" passes... I am pretty sure this is what they do and at the end of the day love is an addiction and needs to be treated as such..

 

So, every time u think of your ex u have to make yourself think of something else because if u dont then it will all spiral and then u will be in a complete hole of blackness... u wonder why some people cope with BU's better... because they make themselves think positive instead of negative... hell thats what cognitive behavioural therapy is all about ad that is proven to work!

 

So on that note.. why are you worrying about whether they think about us, the second that thought entered your head u should have forced yourself to think about something else..

 

Give it a go.. its going to take some will power and brain training but amazing things will happen xx

[mightycpa]

I think that if they are happy in a new relationship, and they dumped you, then no, they don't really think about you very much at all. Whenever they do, it is probably with a tinge of pity. It's not the kind of "thinking" that you go through.

 

I don't think they'll necessarily "crash" or feel any regret, either.

 

Life is best lived forwards, not backwards. Follow your ex's lead. You'll never forget, but you can get to the point where you don't think about it.

[Cedar27]

I think it's hard to say if your ex is "truly" happy or not, but it is irrelevant now. It is possible she is relieved to be out of the relationship and is enjoying life, while you are still ruminating over the loss of her. It's also possible this is just a temporary high for her and she's putting on a good face for the public.

 

Focus on you right now. What are you doing spiritually, emotionally, and physically to get yourself back in the game?