Am I in love or am I just committed?

[JellyBeen]

My first boyfriend of a year asked me to visit his hometown and his family this christmas last week.

 

Our relationship started off long distance. We knew each other in person but then I had to travel for work for a couple months. We were living in the same town for 6 months, then I moved across the country to continue my graduate study.Since then we had managed to see each other for a few times. I am going to visit him in a week, but his question got me thinking if I'm in love with him , or I'm just committed to this relationship.

 

I like it when we are hanging out. We have endless topics to talk about and we have similar hobbies. I don't have to pretend that I'm someone else when I'm with him and it was extremely comfortable. We have great sexual chemistry too. Somehow I just feel like I'm not being loved. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He always tries to pay although I'd like to take the check sometimes. When we are hanging out on weekends, he won't even bother to respond to work emails. It's just us time. Even though he feels hot, he holds me when we are sleeping because I'm always cold.

 

But he never plans stuffs ahead. He is his own boss so compare to my pretty much fixed school schedule he's more flexible. I'd always let him know at least a month ahead what time would be the best for us to meet but then he would be like okay and not talk about it unless I bought it up. We talked about it a couple times but he's still like that.He freezes when I cry(which doesn't happen often). The last couple times we met since we started long distance he was saying all those sweet things. We had A LOT of sex I almost felt like that's all it was. He kept telling me that I'm really special and meant a lot to him, and tell me that I have to remember this when he's not around. I don't feel special with his action

 

Frankly I do not know what I should expect from dating. I don't know if anything I wrote is making any sense, but what I'm trying to say is that I started to feel like dealing with him has become an obligation more than anything. It has gone from I want to see him to we have to meet at least once a month. From I want to have sex with him to we should have sex. I am not all that happy with being in long distance relationship. It's not like I don't have a lot of things going on with my life, but sometimes when he didn't response to my text I still would think he's trying to get some other girls. ( not that he has a history of cheating....I don't even know why I have that in my head) Not to mention my birthday is coming up and he hasn't even said a word about meeting up... I feel like being in relationship is draining me and I'm not sure if I'm still in love anymore. Sometimes I'm tired just thinking about it and when school is stressful I'd get teary eyed thinking about it. I don't know how to deal with this. What should I do?

[J2911]

My first boyfriend of a year asked me to visit his hometown and his family this christmas last week.

 

Our relationship started off long distance. We knew each other in person but then I had to travel for work for a couple months. We were living in the same town for 6 months, then I moved across the country to continue my graduate study.Since then we had managed to see each other for a few times. I am going to visit him in a week, but his question got me thinking if I'm in love with him , or I'm just committed to this relationship.

 

I like it when we are hanging out. We have endless topics to talk about and we have similar hobbies. I don't have to pretend that I'm someone else when I'm with him and it was extremely comfortable. We have great sexual chemistry too. Somehow I just feel like I'm not being loved. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He always tries to pay although I'd like to take the check sometimes. When we are hanging out on weekends, he won't even bother to respond to work emails. It's just us time. Even though he feels hot, he holds me when we are sleeping because I'm always cold.

 

But he never plans stuffs ahead. He is his own boss so compare to my pretty much fixed school schedule he's more flexible. I'd always let him know at least a month ahead what time would be the best for us to meet but then he would be like okay and not talk about it unless I bought it up. We talked about it a couple times but he's still like that.He freezes when I cry(which doesn't happen often). The last couple times we met since we started long distance he was saying all those sweet things. We had A LOT of sex I almost felt like that's all it was. He kept telling me that I'm really special and meant a lot to him, and tell me that I have to remember this when he's not around. I don't feel special with his action

 

Frankly I do not know what I should expect from dating. I don't know if anything I wrote is making any sense, but what I'm trying to say is that I started to feel like dealing with him has become an obligation more than anything. It has gone from I want to see him to we have to meet at least once a month. From I want to have sex with him to we should have sex. I am not all that happy with being in long distance relationship. It's not like I don't have a lot of things going on with my life, but sometimes when he didn't response to my text I still would think he's trying to get some other girls. ( not that he has a history of cheating....I don't even know why I have that in my head) Not to mention my birthday is coming up and he hasn't even said a word about meeting up... I feel like being in relationship is draining me and I'm not sure if I'm still in love anymore. Sometimes I'm tired just thinking about it and when school is stressful I'd get teary eyed thinking about it. I don't know how to deal with this. What should I do?

 

Long distance relationships are very hard. It leaves you with a sense of worry often , and sadness secondary to being apart.

It sounds like your issue is kind of on a personality type incompatibility. He sounds like a type B guy who goes with the flow and doesn't plan things out ahead of time and you are more type A who is structured and likes to know in advance and all details are planned out . I am a type A person who likes to know everything in 2 month notice and don't like last minute change of plans . It sounds as if he is very in to you and adores you actually . A of guys just have a different mind set than girls do so what alot of girls perceive to be important in relationships just aren't that important to alot of guys. It sounds to me as if you both like each other but are both different with personalities. Sometimes two type As really clash and cannot be together and sometimes a type A and B are great together for balance reasons . Good luck!