e4u Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 My LTR gf and I recently broke up and so I’ve read a lot of posts here which have helped me a ton (massive thanks to: LifeGoesOnMan, TaraMaiden, & CaliGuy). I wish I found this website about 2 months ago as it would’ve saved me a ton of grief. I made my mistakes but I’ve learned, thankfully very quickly, although I’m still learning a lot more everyday and healing. What I’ve learned about one thing I saw very little “guides” of in the many threads I read (or maybe I just missed them). I thought it would be fair to share as it may help others. So I decided to make a very practical guide about a particular topic: rose-colored glasses. It’s specifically for those who got dumped for reasons that are very forgivable or fixable in a true relationship (e.g. it wasn’t abuse or infidelity that led you to being dumped). Now that I have no glasses on (rose-colored or otherwise), I see things differently and can speak from experience about what I did and what I know now about this topic. It is a very simple and practical guide on how, in your crazy delusional hormonally infused mind, you can really tell whether or not you’re truly seeing and thinking clearly about your ex. Remember, your eyes see things but your brain is actually the one that makes sense of the light that your eyes gather. HOW TO REALLY TELL IF YOU ARE TRULY THINKING CLEARLY: 1. Take out a piece of paper. 2. Take out a pen. 3. Divide the paper into two columns. 4. On the left write: “PROS”, and on the right write: “CONS” 5. Begin filling in each column with things about your ex and/or your relationship with them (it can be anything you deem positive or negative). Ensure you write at MINIMUM 20 things. If you can’t think of 20 things, then your glasses have not come off and neither has the tin hat. *The key thing to do here is to honestly shoot for equal quality notes. That is to say, if you write in the PROS: (S)he always made me laugh (a great quality) but in the CONS you go with a lightweight: (S)he arrived late to dinner that one time, then this exercise won't work. It's all or nothing. Therefore, go for something more equal but opposite, like: (S)he constantly interrupted me when I talked about something important (truly a bad quality since it didn't happen just the one time). 6. Additionally, if your CONS column is less than or equal to PROS, you are not thinking or seeing clearly about your ex or your relationship with them. Why can’t they be equal in number? Because the final entry, after they are at least equal in number and quality to one another, should always be on the CON side: “(S)he dumped me” = no respect for me or our relationship, or something else that says as much. CONS should always be > PROS, that’s when you know your glasses have come off. That’s when you know you can begin, only begin, to move on and sleep well. If you ever think those glasses are starting to slip back on, read the CONS list a few times. *A little psychological nugget: if your list is written in the present tense (e.g. (s)he is very funny), then the glasses are still on regardless of anything else. You're still in "present" mode with them. The list only works if it's all naturally written in the past tense (e.g. (s)he was very rude to my friends).
Author e4u Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 Ha! As I was writing the guide above and wrote: (S)he constantly interrupted me when I talked about something important...I realized that was another thing I need to add to my own list's CON side. LMAO. That list is getting so much longer now.
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