Can people be completely satisfied in life without being in a relationship?

[nofeelings22]

I'm starting to prefer it.

 

When married, my ex wife enriched my life, but also made it miserable. (diagnosed borderline disorder, meds, bad stuff)

 

Now without all of her problems to carry around, Im happier and far more successful.

 

I'm dating plenty of women and finding as they progress close to relationship status, Im getting a little bit nervous of them cramping my happiness. My freedom. My ability to not shower for a weekend. ha ha ha

 

So, I'm actually feeling more happy single than i did married.

[MrNate 2.0]

Why does 'single' have to be a status to escape?

 

 

There's a lot of problems a relationship can not solve.

 

Do you want to get with someone just for the sake of being with someone?

 

Are you ready to have everything not be about you, and ready to put certain wants and needs on the back burner?

 

Are you ready for compromise?

 

 

These are some good questions to think about. Relationships are nice. Singledom is very nice. But each comes with their pros and cons. For me, the answer is no, so I remain a (very sexy) bachelor. This is the time to do me. If someone comes along, I can cross that bridge when I come to it. But for now, I'm doing me. There's a world out there of things to see and do. And I must say, I'm on a tear right now.

 

For me (rather, anyone), relationships/dating will take away from that.

 

So the question is, what price are you willing to pay for what you want?

[Weezy1973]

There's quite a lot of people on here too. So LS members aren't "normal typical" people in the world, huh? We're all just bitter broken hearted people with hatred for RSs, huh? I'm sure not many people will take too kindly of that on here. I know I don't.

 

Being content with being single for a while after coming out of a toxic RS is ALWAYS the best thing to do for one's self. It's healthy and says a lot more than being codependent, emotionally overly attached human being. People need to learn to be single FIRST. If you can't make yourself happy then how are you supposed to make someone else happy??

 

If anything people on here are ahead of the game. We know the importance of healing and taking time for ourselves.

 

I believe people have natural defense mechanisms and try to convince themselves that a loving, committed, long term, connected, relationship is unnecessary. But anyone that actually studies people and the social scientists agrees that that deep connection is what makes us humans human.

 

Of course it's healthy to take time to heal! But heal is the key phrase here. Heal so that you can fall in love again. And find that connection that is vital to all of us.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I want to be in a loving relationship but when I was single for 5 years I had a great life. If I am in love and the person just leaves me or dies or something, of course I am going to be devastated because my heart will be broken! But I can have a full good life on my own and I know I would rather be single than in a poor relationship.

[Phoe]

I've been single most of my life, and have been satisfied most of my life.

 

Clearly I'm okay!

[Copelandsanity]

I believe people have natural defense mechanisms and try to convince themselves that a loving, committed, long term, connected, relationship is unnecessary. But anyone that actually studies people and the social scientists agrees that that deep connection is what makes us humans human.

 

Of course it's healthy to take time to heal! But heal is the key phrase here. Heal so that you can fall in love again. And find that connection that is vital to all of us.

 

Except that you can attain the same feelings and connection you get from a long-term relationship in other ways, whether it be through best friends, family, social groups, a pet, or the community. It's just about finding the right people and being 100% committed to whatever relationships you've formed.

[somedude81]

Of course it's better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. But that's not the question.

 

Would you rather be single or in a happy fulfilling relationship?

 

If you would rather be in a happy fulfilling relationship, then that means that you aren't completely satisfied by being single.

[Rejected Rosebud]

OP, what is your idea of what a relationship is like, not like with that girl you dated but a long term one? How do you picture it?

[Weezy1973]

I've been single most of my life, and have been satisfied most of my life.

 

Clearly I'm okay!

 

But the question was not about whether or not you'd be "okay". We will all survive being single for the rest of our lives.

 

The question was - would you be fully satisfied. I don't think you would. From your posts - I know you crave a truly connected relationship.

 

Although, sure, you'll be okay without it. Just okay.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Would you rather be single or in a happy fulfilling relationship?

 

If you would rather be in a happy fulfilling relationship, then that means that you aren't completely satisfied by being single.

 

I don't think that humans are ever completely satisfied no matter what so I am going to live my life to the fullest even if I'm not getting all the things I want out of it.

[Weezy1973]

Except that you can attain the same feelings and connection you get from a long-term relationship in other ways, whether it be through best friends, family, social groups, a pet, or the community. It's just about finding the right people and being 100% committed to whatever relationships you've formed.

 

Actually not true. Sex releases all sorts of neurotransmitters that causes a connection far different than those of friends and family. True fact. Google it!

[Rejected Rosebud]

It is not healthy to be completely dependent on having a relationship to have a good life. If you would be "just okay" if you didn't have one I worry!

[xxoo]

Of course it's better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. But that's not the question.

 

Would you rather be single or in a happy fulfilling relationship?

 

If you would rather be in a happy fulfilling relationship, then that means that you aren't completely satisfied by being single.

 

Having an ideal preference doesn't mean dissatisfaction with another great option.

 

This happiest people practice gratitude for what they have.

[Phoe]

But the question was not about whether or not you'd be "okay". We will all survive being single for the rest of our lives.

 

The question was - would you be fully satisfied. I don't think you would. From your posts - I know you crave a truly connected relationship.

 

Although, sure, you'll be okay without it. Just okay.

 

Meh, it seems like people grasp at straws with questions like this.

 

Do people get more satisfaction out of happy relationships? Do people naturally desire that? Yes. The majority of humans on this planet want to be in a loving relationship.

 

That doesn't mean all of us are completely despondent when single. I have things in my life that make me happy and always have.

 

If I absolutely NEEDED a relationship to have happiness, I would've spent most of my adult years absolutely miserable. But I didnt.

[Weezy1973]

Meh, it seems like people grasp at straws with questions like this.

 

Do people get more satisfaction out of happy relationships? Do people naturally desire that? Yes. The majority of humans on this planet want to be in a loving relationship.

 

That doesn't mean all of us are completely despondent when single. I have things in my life that make me happy and always have.

 

If I absolutely NEEDED a relationship to have happiness, I would've spent most of my adult years absolutely miserable. But I didnt.

 

On this we can definitely agree. Nobody needs to be in a relationship - clearly.

[Copelandsanity]

Actually not true. Sex releases all sorts of neurotransmitters that causes a connection far different than those of friends and family. True fact. Google it!

 

Don't need to be in a relationship to get nookie though

[xxoo]

Don't need to be in a relationship to get nookie though

 

And being in a relationship doesn't guarantee nookie!

[OwMyEyeball]

I believe people have natural defense mechanisms and try to convince themselves that a loving, committed, long term, connected, relationship is unnecessary. But anyone that actually studies people and the social scientists agrees that that deep connection is what makes us humans human.

 

Of course it's healthy to take time to heal! But heal is the key phrase here. Heal so that you can fall in love again. And find that connection that is vital to all of us.

Agreed on all your points.

 

However, I do not believe romance to be a vital requirement for two people to share a deep, powerful and soulful bond. The romantic relationship does not hold a monopoly on love.

[somedude81]

OP, what is your idea of what a relationship is like, not like with that girl you dated but a long term one? How do you picture it?

 

I was with my ex for six months, so I feel that I have a rough idea of what it would be like to be in a serious long term relationship.

 

Being with her was fantastic.

 

There were a few days where she would sleep over when I had school. Waking up next to her was great. Coming home from a full day of class and studying and she would be there watching TV or cooking was the most amazing thing. It was my dream come true. I'm sure over time I would get used to it but that doesn't mean it wouldn't continue to be a good thing.

 

I've never lived with a woman so all I have were those glimpses to go by.

[thefooloftheyear]

The relationship with my child and my family are absolutely essential...To a stranger that you meet in the street and might be horny for? I dunno...

 

I live a diverse and varied life....Most of what i do has absolutely nothing to do with a relationship in the context of the thread..I barely have time to sleep...I guess I can say its a plus, but I wouldnt be crushed if I didnt have one..

 

Like another poster said, most relationships are fraught with problems and dispute..To think its all skipping through a field on a sunny day hand in hand and having mad sex 10 times a day is in a dreamworld...

 

The irony is that most people with diverse and varied lives, if they arent hideous looking, are usually quite attractive to the opposite sex..In turn, these people often make lousy relationship partners because they dont allocate proper time of themselves to share with that other person...

 

TFY

[somedude81]

Meh, it seems like people grasp at straws with questions like this.

 

Do people get more satisfaction out of happy relationships? Do people naturally desire that? Yes. The majority of humans on this planet want to be in a loving relationship.

 

That's exactly the point I'm trying to make.

 

Most people would rather be in a happy relationship than be single. There are so many perks to being in a relationship.

 

I believe that humans have a natural desire to be in a relationship. That's how we were biologically programmed.

 

That doesn't mean all of us are completely despondent when single. I have things in my life that make me happy and always have.

 

If I absolutely NEEDED a relationship to have happiness, I would've spent most of my adult years absolutely miserable. But I didnt.

 

I'm not trying to say that we need to be in a relationship to be happy, but that we are happier in one. Even if one is single and thinks they are happy and satisfied with their life, most likely they still feel a tug to find somebody to be in a relationship with. Some people feel that tug more strongly than others, but almost all of us have felt it at some point in our lives.

[Anela]

Fair point. LS is a community. Plenty of us know each other on a first name basis. We PM each other. We Skype and FB and so on and such. It is much easier to tolerate being single when one has a supportive network of friends and family.

 

For some folks here, LS is a part of that.

 

Yep. Certain people here helped me to get through a rough couple of years. I only used to visit for a little while, because of all of the fighting in the dating section - it wasn't what I'd signed up for. That was until I checked out places like the water cooler. I thought a couple of people were making fun of me in one thread, but it made me laugh, so I joined in.

[johan]

If a relationship and being loved is something you care about, then no you can't be 100% satisfied in a life with no relationship. But you do have a choice to make how much you're going to focus on the life you have versus the hole in the life you have. Focusing on the hole in your life is just a way to torment yourself.

 

Here are a few facts of life:

1) A woman can fill that gap, although it's rare that the fit is perfect. Ultimately you're going to find you'll be responsible for a lot of the gap yourself. And in a relationship, there can be a lot of pressure to do it faster than you are able. You'll lose her.

 

2) A relationship is like anything else you don't have but want. When you get it you realize life isn't magically easier or better. When you buy the car you've always wanted, you soon realize you're still in the same life you were in before. The car is in the garage and still you are you. It didn't make you a better person.

 

3) You, like the majority of guys, can't control your love life. It comes and goes and you'll find it all just kind of happened. You are like me: you have to be patient and let it happen. Trying to control it and failing is harder on you than just going with the flow. Be cool.

 

4) But in case you do think controlling it is what you want to try to do: People here are giving you good advice, but your chances are only going to marginally improve if you do what they say. For one thing, some of it is going to require you to act and be something you aren't. You aren't capable of that, and it's not a good strategy anyway. For another, I've seen plenty of real life examples of people with great social lives, lots of friends, many hobbies, etc. who were perennially frustrated. They dated, but they failed in their relationships all the time. They became even a bit frantic about it, and it wasn't really nice to watch. I'm thinking of women more than men. But guys do it, too.

 

5) Your success in dating, in the workplace, with friends, with strangers, even with family, is going to be dictated in large part on how great a guy you are. Not how you look, how tall you are, or how much hair you have or how old you are. Think of it this way: women aren't dating you because they are waiting for you to get your life together. They are giving you time, whether you like it or not. Use that time to improve yourself. Focus on the things you know are important in life. Get your school squared away. Get a job. Build a life. Do things for people and build relationships and friendships. Think about someone other than yourself for a change. Construct something. Build something. Do something productive with your hands. Women are watching you and waiting to see what kind of man you are. What kind of man do you want to be?

[me85]

I believe people have natural defense mechanisms and try to convince themselves that a loving, committed, long term, connected, relationship is unnecessary. But anyone that actually studies people and the social scientists agrees that that deep connection is what makes us humans human.

 

Of course it's healthy to take time to heal! But heal is the key phrase here. Heal so that you can fall in love again. And find that connection that is vital to all of us.

 

And you can have a very fulfilling, deep, connections with friends and family members. It doesn't have to be romantic. That's society brainwashing people into thinking they can only feel truly connected to another human being through romantic love. I'm simply saying that isn't at all true. Love is love. All love is connection. You're referring to animal instinct to bond on a physical sexual level. But people don't have to be in a RS to gain a connection like that. Sure being in love makes it more meaningful & intense but ... Hopefully you see my side.

[MrNate 2.0]

I don't think that humans are ever completely satisfied no matter what so I am going to live my life to the fullest even if I'm not getting all the things I want out of it.

 

Exactly. It's a zero sum game.

 

Each has it's pros and cons.

 

 

The question he should be asking is: What price are you willing to pay? The price of being single, or in a relationship?