Broke up with my GF of 6 years - Heartbroken and Confused !! - Very Long Story

[chris1063]

New on here - from England. Really enjoy reading the posts and hoping somebody can give me some advice to help me through the hell i'm in at the moment.

 

My GF and I broke up about 5 weeks ago.I am 41 she is 33. I initiated the discussion as I felt that things weren't right between us. I had been feeling that the spark had gone although I believed we could talk through things.

 

2 years ago she suffered an ectopic pregnancy with me having suffered the same thing twice before with her ex husband. We were both devestated at the time and following her time in hospital she had her remaining tube removed which meant that she was only able to conceve via IVF.

 

We talked about the possibility of going through the treatment but decided mutually that the timing wasn't right and vowed to let some time pass before trying again. She has been looking after her godson ocassionally over the last 12 months and had said on a number of occasions that she felt maybe she wasn't ready for children which I went along with.

 

The subject of marriage never came up as she had said previously that having been married before she didn't feel the need to do it again so although I felt it would be the next step for us, we never discussed it.

 

We have had good times and bad times and our share of fights but we seemed fine over Christmas and I felt things were ok but just needed talking about. She had also been drinking quite a lot every night.

 

Anyhow, back to the day in question. We talked at some length and she said she had wanted me to ask her to get married and was let down that I hadn't asked. She also said that I had "bullied her" into not having children - something which I felt had been a joint decision due to the circumstances we had been through.

 

We spent the afternoon out and both ended up pretty drunk and went home (probably foolishly) and had sex. Nothing had really been resolved. The next day I asked if we could talk some more and she said that as far as she was concerned we were over and she didn't love me anymore.

 

Since then (about 5 weeks ago) we are still living in the house ,which is up for sale. Neither of us can afford to move out until it is sold. We are in separate bedrooms and are esentially living separate lives.

 

2 weeks ago I came home from a night out and she returned also from a night out very drunk. She grabbed me and we kissed for about 10 minutes. Afterwards she said "what the hell am I doing ?" and wouldn't have anything else to do with me. The following weekend she came home on a Sunday afternoon very drunk again and began crying. When I tried to talk to her about things she told me again that she didn't want to be with me anymore.

 

I found out last weekend that she is seeing somebody else when she left her phone out on the table and it was almost out of charge and was making a noise. Because she had been drunk the night before she had left a message open on it. It was from a guy and it said "Last night was great, can't wait to see you tonight" or words to that effect.

 

She has been staying out Saturday nights for a while following the split, supposedly staying with a girlfriend although I haven't been asking her what she has been doing pr who she has been seeing at all. On the other hand she has asked me on at least 2 occasions if I am seeing anybody else (which i'm not) and has been asking where i'm going when I go out.

Maybe she doesn't want to tell me she's seeing someone cos she doesn't want to hurt me.

 

On Monday of this week I went to see a tarot card reader/clairvoyant who told me everything that is happening without any prompting at all from me. She said that she could see something happening in about 5 months involving a child but not with a new partner and said she believed that we might attempt to reconcile things between us.

 

My ex was home when I got there and she asked if I had been to see the tarot reader. I told her I had and she asked what had been said. I told her she had seen the breakup. My ex asked "did she think it was a good thing ?"

 

I mentioned (possibly wrongly but genuinely not wanting to cause any hurt) about the child thing,( probably made worse by the fact that her sister had a baby last Saturday) and my ex said "that won't be with me then !" and stormed off. She was then screaming that she hates me and never wants to speak to me again or see me again and wants to move out ! I tried calming her down and apologising but it did no good. She now won't even talk to me.

 

I am staying at my sisters at the moment whilst she is on holiday and haven't seen my ex for 2 days. I have to return next Wednesday.

 

The living in the same house is killing me as you can imagine. The fact that she is seeing this other guy is also hurting me.

 

I've accepted that things are over between us and haven't asked her to give things another go at any stage and have tried to get on with my life, but i wondered what you guys out there thought about the situation. I can't believe she has moved on so quickly and I feel that maybe we could have worked things out had we had a chance to sit down and talk it through.

 

All I can think of is her with this other guy and I feel that i've messed up the relationship by not showing that I cared enough or should I have asked her to marry me.

 

I think she may be hurting about things more than she lets on and I wonder if she sometimes is thinking about giving things another try but thinks we may have gone too far down the road to go back although I think this other guy has been going on for some time.

 

I'm following the advice on here and have good days and bad days but I feel that we are making a mistake and that we were meant to be together.

 

I hurt so much at the moment and i've been prescibed sleeping tablets which are helping. I just seem to fall into a funk, then feel ok about things for a bit and then the gloom sets in again. I miss her so much despite how much she's hurt me.

 

I'm 41 and I don't want to be alone forever. Any thoughts/sugestions appreciated.

[moimeme]

It's all but impossible to conduct a relationship with someone who won't discuss her desires or hopes and then gets mad at you for not figuring it out. You could suggest you see a counsellor together but it may be too late.

 

What do you do next time? Pick someone who communicates.