andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Hi guys, New to this, but optomistic. Any advice gratefully received! I have just come out of a long term relationship, which was very very happy and fun - with love and everything special involved. My partner went traveling for 3 months and things started to get shaky. He started ignoring me quite often and making me feel resentful, distrusting, and often quite hurt. Things started to slide and I am the sort of person who cannot hide their feelings and would often cause arguments about feeling rubbish and how he was treating me. Ultimately I could feel him falling out of love with me - and it made me act desperate and needy - of course this made him love me less. So after returning from traveling, we just couldnt stop arguing. He would cause the most ridiculous arguments and genuinely did not like me as a person. He was losing interest and I would annoy him continuously. He has a short threshold for irritation, and i must admit I do act quite irritating sometimes. I am very impatient - and often quite excitable and hyperactive. Basically I could feel him falling out of love with me even more. But he didnt want to be and he made it very clear he didnt want to fall out of love with me. Eventually we broke up and we were both so upset, left it ammicably and with a promise we would work it out with some time apart. However, being me, I ruined that by hooking up with his ex in a drunken fit of hurt and desperation to feel wanted. Of course, I admitted this to him almost immediately, but the damage was done. So we argued some more, constantly. But we still held on (seperated). Lots of arguments, lots of him hating me, lots of horrible things said. So now we are in a situation where he has quite openly said he doesn't love me anymore, that he does not want to be with me anymore, but he wants to love me again and wants to be with me again - but he wants to see how things go and hopefully itll click back in to place. Is he stringing me along? He meets up with me all the time but refuses to kiss me, or do anything intimate - just treats me as a friend but agreed after many arguments that we would be exclusive until we resolved our issues. Now I'm in a place where he is showing me little or no interest,, acting cold and resentful towards me and claiming he cannot see past the huge mistake I've made (which ive begged for forgiveness for.. like constantly - like he knows how sorry i am) - but hes stubborn and very proud. But he is also saying hes trying to see past it but cant. I'm incredibly impatient and I am hurting so much from his lack of interest and his rejection of any affectionate advance. Can anyone help me? Should I just draw a line and move on? If so HOW? Please help.
lemonsugar Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 If you are asking that question you probably know the answer in your heart and its yes. Go NC and try and move forward dont spend your life waiting for him he may never come back
Author andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 If you are asking that question you probably know the answer in your heart and its yes. Go NC and try and move forward dont spend your life waiting for him he may never come back But he's still here Just not in the same way. But he still wants to make it work but doesn't want me. I dont know what to do. He's just not interested but hes not being horrible. Well sometimes hes really horrible. What do I do? How do I initiate no contact out of nowhere? We talk every day! If I go no contact won't it look like I've given up?
lemonsugar Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 but doesn't want me - honestly do you want to be with a guy that doesnt want you?!? Dont be that girl putting up with a douche. If a guy says that to me its like fine off you go find someone else. Walk away with some dignity. You can make the decision for him it will hurt its like amputation but its better than putting up with a festering wound. Iif a friend said their bf said that i bet you would say you deserve better!
Author andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 but doesn't want me - honestly do you want to be with a guy that doesnt want you?!? Dont be that girl putting up with a douche. If a guy says that to me its like fine off you go find someone else. Walk away with some dignity. You can make the decision for him it will hurt its like amputation but its better than putting up with a festering wound. Iif a friend said their bf said that i bet you would say you deserve better! But it's more complicated by the fact hes claiming all of his feelings are down to the fact I did that awful thing the day after we broke up! So I dont know if its just anger at the moment like he claims or he just has lost interest in me.
lemonsugar Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 But it's more complicated by the fact hes claiming all of his feelings are down to the fact I did that awful thing the day after we broke up! So I dont know if its just anger at the moment like he claims or he just has lost interest in me. if he says he doesnt want to be with you why do you think he will change that? Walk away until he does know dont be the back burner girl....
Author andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 if he says he doesnt want to be with you why do you think he will change that? Walk away until he does know dont be the back burner girl.... How do I go no contact? Like we talk pleasantly.. and he wants to go on holiday. Do I tell him? How do I explain why I want to go no contact? Or do I just ignore him for a few days? If so, how do I explain why I've ignored him once I start speaking to him again? i'm scared to damage any potential we may have...
lemonsugar Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 what potential is there. You can tell him or just drop off the world. He said he doesnt want you so why would he care if you disappeared? if he wants you back he will chase
Author andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 what potential is there. You can tell him or just drop off the world. He said he doesnt want you so why would he care if you disappeared? if he wants you back he will chase I think I'm more worried that he won't chase me and that I'll look psycho for kicking off after agreeing to take it slow and see how it goes. But he has made it clear what I've done has changed how he feels about me - which is confusing because his feelings changed before that! so now I am stuck in a situation where I'm screwed if I do try and I'm screwed if I don't!
lemonsugar Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 I think I'm more worried that he won't chase me and that I'll look psycho for kicking off after agreeing to take it slow and see how it goes. But he has made it clear what I've done has changed how he feels about me - which is confusing because his feelings changed before that! so now I am stuck in a situation where I'm screwed if I do try and I'm screwed if I don't! If you're nc how can you look psycho you are giving him spae and you space. It isnt easy but if youre asking us he stringing me along he certainly is .
me85 Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 He's seeing someone else. I'm sorry but that seems pretty obvious to me. He doesn't love you anymore but wants to again one day ??? Please please stop talking to him for good. He is definitely stringing you along and barely giving you breadcrumbs to ensure you'll be there in case all else fails for him. I always knew what my exes motives/intentions were but it never kept me from interacting with him because he was my best friend and I had nobody else to talk to. But I shouldn't have allowed it. I shouldn't have responded. I shouldn't have been the bigger person. I shouldn't have been the nice one and think that I was being a b!tch if I didn't respond to him. AND I should've never drunk messaged him the times I did. KNOWING I didn't love him anymore and was just bored seeking attention at the time. It was my ego. Your ego will lead you down the wrong path if you let it. Which I did, many times. I've been hurt tremendously by my ex as well. You will get over your ex in time just as I did mine and just as many others on here have. ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
Author andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 He's seeing someone else. I'm sorry but that seems pretty obvious to me. He doesn't love you anymore but wants to again one day ??? Please please stop talking to him for good. He is definitely stringing you along and barely giving you breadcrumbs to ensure you'll be there in case all else fails for him. I always knew what my exes motives/intentions were but it never kept me from interacting with him because he was my best friend and I had nobody else to talk to. But I shouldn't have allowed it. I shouldn't have responded. I shouldn't have been the bigger person. I shouldn't have been the nice one and think that I was being a b!tch if I didn't respond to him. AND I should've never drunk messaged him the times I did. KNOWING I didn't love him anymore and was just bored seeking attention at the time. It was my ego. Your ego will lead you down the wrong path if you let it. Which I did, many times. I've been hurt tremendously by my ex as well. You will get over your ex in time just as I did mine and just as many others on here have. ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF MORE. Thank you for this - I don't think he is seeing someone else - I think hes just hurt by what I did but stringing me along just incase he decides he still wants to be with me - if he lets me go then the option is gone. I've initiated all meetings since we broke up - tonight he is on his way back into town but may go out with his friends - but i invited him over if he decides not to go ...he said he'll let me know later what he feels like. If he gets back to late to go out he may pop over. Should I just say I'm going to bed and I'll see him another time? I dont know what to do to get his attention but maybe if I say to him that I would rather sleep than see him, he'll chase me a little bit? How do you make a guy chase you in this situation?
me85 Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 (edited) Thank you for this - I don't think he is seeing someone else - I think hes just hurt by what I did but stringing me along just incase he decides he still wants to be with me - if he lets me go then the option is gone. I've initiated all meetings since we broke up - tonight he is on his way back into town but may go out with his friends - but i invited him over if he decides not to go ...he said he'll let me know later what he feels like. If he gets back to late to go out he may pop over. Should I just say I'm going to bed and I'll see him another time? I dont know what to do to get his attention but maybe if I say to him that I would rather sleep than see him, he'll chase me a little bit? How do you make a guy chase you in this situation? You're welcome. I could be wrong but no guy just ups and stops talking to the girl they've been seeing seriously just like that unless they met someone else. It's been proven time and time again. They certainly don't tell them they don't love them anymore or want them "right now" if they don't have someone else in mind. Trust me. How to get him to chase you? Well, if that's what you really want..You ignore him. Send him a message right now saying that something has come up and your plans for the evening have changed and that you'll catch up another time. Don't say anything else. Get back to whatever message he sends you tomorrow...LATE tomorrow. Edited November 20, 2014 by me85
Author andyxox Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 You're welcome. I could be wrong but no guy just ups and stops talking to the girl they've been seeing seriously just like that unless they met someone else. It's been proven time and time again. They certainly don't tell them they don't love them anymore or want them "right now" if they don't have someone else in mind. Trust me. How to get him to chase you? Well, if that's what you really want..You ignore him. Send him a message right now saying that something has come up and your plans for the evening have changed and that you'll catch up another time. Don't say anything else. Get back to whatever message he sends you tomorrow...LATE tomorrow. The only trouble with that is I REALLY want to see him and I really want to carry on talking to him. But I know he will come over, he won't kiss me. He won't be affection like I want him to be when I get excited about seeing him... he'll leave and I'll feel just as rubbish as I do right now. But its like taking a painkiller - it hurts less when hes here but its temporary and comes back worse. If I text him saying I've decided I need to sleep, hope he has fun... etc. Hes so stubborn that he will just say "Ok, night night sleep well" and I'll be pissed off that I didn't get a reaction from him. Then tomorrow he won't chase me - I'll end up texting him first and not seeing him tonight will not have been worth it. Ugh. Am I messed up?
me85 Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 The only trouble with that is I REALLY want to see him and I really want to carry on talking to him. But I know he will come over, he won't kiss me. He won't be affection like I want him to be when I get excited about seeing him... he'll leave and I'll feel just as rubbish as I do right now. But its like taking a painkiller - it hurts less when hes here but its temporary and comes back worse. If I text him saying I've decided I need to sleep, hope he has fun... etc. Hes so stubborn that he will just say "Ok, night night sleep well" and I'll be pissed off that I didn't get a reaction from him. Then tomorrow he won't chase me - I'll end up texting him first and not seeing him tonight will not have been worth it. Ugh. Am I messed up? Yes you're messed up! You've been shot in the @$$ with a poisonous dart by cupid. That sick b@stard. I understand you just want to be around him but come on...do you really have anything to lose by blowing him off tonight? Nope. Ya gota make him think you don't care one way or the other...that you don't need him if he doesn't need you. It's not playing games. You're refusing to be a doormat for him to wipe his muddy shoes all over.
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