JPMC Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Here's the situation. I am really close friends with a girl whom I used to be lovers with. She lives 2000 miles away. We are soulmates and speak every day still. Her divorced and newly single. Me married shouldn't be doing it. I don't need the lecture about the emotional affair. Anyway, she was telling me about this new guy whom she has a connection with and has a date with him. Me being curiousity killed the cat figured out his last name and looked him up. Also known as cyberstalked. Every thing seemed normal until I looked at county court databases in the area. In 1998, he was accused, went to trial and found not guilty of rape Has had at least 6 driving offenses, speeding, open container, driving with an unregistered vehicle. In 2010 was a defendent in a bar fight. Dismissed case 2012, two offenses arrest drunk and disorderly. She has a kid, he has two. Do I tell her? When? At best, he has an solid alcohol problem. Honestly, not jealous, just looking out for her. I know, I'm a stalker, just answer me
Toodaloo Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 I think you need to fess up. You need to tell her what you have done, apologise and promise to try and stay away but this is what you have found and this is where you found it so she can see for herself. Advise her that you are telling her because you don't want her to be miserable. Good luck - she will appreciate your honesty in the end but its not going to be an easy conversation... 1
chicaboom Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 omg please for the love of god tell her! don't even need to second guess this decision. the fact that he was accussed of rape and she has kids is enough. You're not making the decision for her, she will make the final one but she should know this stuff! god so scary. 1
Assasda Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 hahaha really. The white knight comes to save the day huh? Soulmates huh? ... From what I know about that, the soulmate thing goes both ways. It seems as if you are friendzoned. Move on with your life and see other women. Leave this woman alone. You are in-fact MARRIED, and she obviously doesnt care for you romantically 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 If you're soulmates and so close and whatnot, why not just be honest and admit you looked him up? Tell her what you told us here - you're looking out for her. Own it. 3
mortensorchid Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Ewww ... That's terrible that this guy is like this. But what to do? If I were you, I would let her know what you found out. Apologize for looking him up, but ... I think as her friend you should at least let her know what you found out. Chances are if you don't she will find out on her own time what he's like. She might thank you in the long run. I made a mistake like this once by not saying anything. A psycho that I was with for a brief period a few years ago dumped me and started going out with one of my friends. I saw them a few times, he acted like nothing had ever happened but there was tension in the room. She began to realize that things were not what they seemed, she asked if he and I used to date. He denied it. First lie. Needless to say it escalated into his beating her up and stalking her. After that happened, I went to her and said I was sorry I never told her. He never raised a hand to me, I had no idea he was so crazy as to hit her. I wished I had even though it all went down as it was going to go down. 1
Author JPMC Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 I told her. She was appreciative and not going. Asked me about 4 other guys. Three were normal, but one showed up on dating psychos as a nightmare. She's sad, but better be safe than sorry. Thanks for the advice friends. Assasda love you too.
RockyCruz Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 (edited) Here's the situation. I am really close friends with a girl whom I used to be lovers with. She lives 2000 miles away. We are soulmates and speak every day still. Her divorced and newly single. Me married shouldn't be doing it. I don't need the lecture about the emotional affair. Anyway, she was telling me about this new guy whom she has a connection with and has a date with him. Me being curiousity killed the cat figured out his last name and looked him up. Also known as cyberstalked. Every thing seemed normal until I looked at county court databases in the area. In 1998, he was accused, went to trial and found not guilty of rape Has had at least 6 driving offenses, speeding, open container, driving with an unregistered vehicle. In 2010 was a defendent in a bar fight. Dismissed case 2012, two offenses arrest drunk and disorderly. She has a kid, he has two. Do I tell her? When? At best, he has an solid alcohol problem. Honestly, not jealous, just looking out for her. I know, I'm a stalker, just answer me No. Never, ever get involved in your friend or anyone you know when it comes to relationship. This is not what a friend does. Don't do it. I know people who did this and they lost friendship because of this. A friend does not give their opinion about someone they know, about someone they are going out with no matter what. This is the fundamental law in relationships. It's called slander, backbiting, which I may say, society does a lot of it and don't mind their own business. Then make it some excuse "soulmate." I don't care if someone's their best friend and make that as an excuse to talk. The moment you do, is the moment you have stepped over that line. You don't know the full story and even if you did, mind your own business. Leave it alone and get on with your life. You're married. Concentrate on your marriage, and leave her alone. Edited November 20, 2014 by RockyCruz
todreaminblue Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 If it were me i go by how a guy is with me not what his past contains.....let her know you are sorry and the reasons why you felt the need to investigate him.....ultimately it is up to her what she decides to do .....if you are her true friend and she is yours ....she will understand why you did what you did......and forgive you....its her life her choice..give her knowledge...but...you cant make her decisions for her.....deb
preraph Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Tell her she should always google or background check new guys before meeting up with them. See if she sounds like she will or not. If she shows interest, you could say, Tell me your new guy's name and I'll do one for you and show you how to do it.
LostOnes05 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I'd tell her bro, just for safety's sake. Who cares if she gets upset, the alternative may be much worse. And if it's just the first few dates, no real harm done to him in the long run.
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