adiamond Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 (edited) I've been dating this guy I met from OLD for about 2 months now. I had gotten out of a 4 yr. relationship about 10 months ago. We've been seeing each other about 1-2x a week depending on our busy our school schedule is and we text each other a few times a week just to check in. When we get together, we have a good time and we're both pretty affectionate when we're alone. For some reason, I've been having a feeling as if something isn't right. He had just gotten out of a 7 month relationship about one month before we first met. After the first date, he hasn't been very active in planning. He has planned about 3 dates. The first one was nice because he made reservations, the second one we went hiking and he didn't write down the address of the place and we got lost, and the 3rd one, we went somewhere and he had to drive around with me to make errands (getting oil changed, getting a car check up, getting a haircut..) during the actual date. He has never called me, and we only shoot texts a few times a week between dates. We've been on a total of about 10 dates, and 4 of them was just us watching movies at his house. Secondly, I told him about 2 weeks in that I was a virgin and I wasn't ready to have sex yet (first bf wanted to wait till marriage so we didn't have sex). Afterwards, every time we were alone, he would try to put his hand up my shirt and ask if I was ready to have sex yet. About a week ago, he told me that he didn't want to end up in the same situation again (him being turned on and wanting sex and me turning him down). I told him that I wasn't ready to have sex because I didn't want my first time to be with someone I wasn't in love with yet. I said I wanted to be with someone who loved me, who I was 100% comfortable with, I didn't want to risk sleeping with him only for him to leave me a few weeks later. We are exclusive but we're not even gf/bf. I never met any of his friends or family. I told him that all the stuff I said takes time to do and I wanted an emotional connection first. He told me that that was okay and I was worth it. Oh, we're both virgins too. I don't know if anything I said was a red flag for anything, but for some reason I feel as if something is off with our relationship. I don't know if he's 100% moved on from his ex (he still keeps in contact with her and sometimes checks up on her status updates on his phone). I don't know if he's that into me (we see each other 1-2x a week and he seems excited to see me each time but doesn't make much effort). Edited November 20, 2014 by adiamond
CarrieT Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 We are exclusive but we're not even gf/bf. I never met any of his friends or family. You have enough red flags and these are some of the additional ones. It sounds like he wants to use you to lose the V-Card and doesn't seem like there is enough of an emotional connection for you to want to continue seeing him at all...
Author adiamond Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 (edited) You have enough red flags and these are some of the additional ones. It sounds like he wants to use you to lose the V-Card and doesn't seem like there is enough of an emotional connection for you to want to continue seeing him at all... He told me that he's never had anyone meet his family before and all of his good friends moved when they graduated and right now, he mostly has just has co-workers. He told me that he has a hard time being vulnerable because his ex. really hurt him and it would take time for him to open up more. He said he wanted to feel as if I was serious about him. I do like him a lot, and he told me he liked me a lot too. I do enjoy spending time with him and I think he enjoys spending time with me too. We just have super busy schedules (he's first year grad. student and i'm in my last years of undergrad pre-dent.) He told me he was willing to meet my parents. Right now, I'm pretty guarded because I'm still unsure, and he says he's guarded too. I'm not sure if I should just let the relationship progress and just enjoy time together or end it now if we're just wasting time... because I do like him... but i'm scared that he's just using me and isn't really into me Edited November 20, 2014 by adiamond
chicaboom Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 there sounds like there are a lot of "buts" here... It sounds like he's not really putting in a lot of effot to win you over and the sex bit that you described..him asking if you're ready yet is really off-putting. I'm dating a 30 year old man and I told him on our 4th date when we were making out that I may not have sex with him for a very long time...I didn't even explain why. And his first response was "that's totally fine, we will do whatever you're comfortable with". That is the response you should be getting. I would say definitely don't sleep with him any time soon. but continue seeing him. BUT I would also suggest maybe being open to dating other ppl as well. You might realize that there is someone more deserving of your time. the fact that one of your dates was him driving you around to do his errands is really weird. you can do better girl! don't settle.
Author adiamond Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 there sounds like there are a lot of "buts" here... It sounds like he's not really putting in a lot of effot to win you over and the sex bit that you described..him asking if you're ready yet is really off-putting. I'm dating a 30 year old man and I told him on our 4th date when we were making out that I may not have sex with him for a very long time...I didn't even explain why. And his first response was "that's totally fine, we will do whatever you're comfortable with". That is the response you should be getting. I would say definitely don't sleep with him any time soon. but continue seeing him. BUT I would also suggest maybe being open to dating other ppl as well. You might realize that there is someone more deserving of your time. the fact that one of your dates was him driving you around to do his errands is really weird. you can do better girl! don't settle. yup, I guess I didn't feel like he was putting a lot of effort in and we actually did go somewhere fun after the errands lol.. I guess I understand since we're both super busy with work and school. I guess I just want someone who is like super into me and really enjoys being with me. I'm not too sure if he is but at our age, school really does come first so I'm going to focus on that and just let whatever happens happen. DEF not having sex anytime soon and if he tries pushing me again after our talk, I'm letting him go. I'm not really interested in dating other people just because I don't have the time and school comes first right now! ya!
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