Author saz123 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 **update** So I text him last night to break the 3 days no contact and he replied saying: "See you soon then, its a nice message bub but my point still stands true. You apologized before for being irrational. I want to believe you can do it but i cant because its happened too many times now and there's a big difference between saying your gonna do something and actually doing it. I'm sorry bub but you followed me home the other evening and i told you before that this was one of my main dislikes about the way you sometimes act. It wasn't the first time you've followed me home. I just cant believe that things are gonna change now im sorry. I'm sorry kid i cant put up with this kind of behaviour. At the moment youre not adding to my life your just becoming a problem by the way you act. I'm sorry see you soon i hope you don't hate me for saying any of this. Enjoy your evening xxx" I haven't replied.
GemmaUK Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 **update** So I text him last night to break the 3 days no contact and he replied saying: "See you soon then, its a nice message bub but my point still stands true. You apologized before for being irrational. I want to believe you can do it but i cant because its happened too many times now and there's a big difference between saying your gonna do something and actually doing it. I'm sorry bub but you followed me home the other evening and i told you before that this was one of my main dislikes about the way you sometimes act. It wasn't the first time you've followed me home. I just cant believe that things are gonna change now im sorry. I'm sorry kid i cant put up with this kind of behaviour. At the moment youre not adding to my life your just becoming a problem by the way you act. I'm sorry see you soon i hope you don't hate me for saying any of this. Enjoy your evening xxx" I haven't replied. I don't think you should reply. He is telling you goodbye. He's asked you time and again to cool down from the sound of it and you don't appear to listen to that nor have any respect for him when he does ask. When things are normal he gives you affection and then due to that affection you go all overboard again. Following someone is not normal behaviour. I would not tolerate it from a guy I was dating. The closest I got to being followed in a relationship was my last ex who would watch for me to log in to a website and within seconds would text me. This would happen from 4am! I happened to get up as I was really poorly and couldn't sleep but I realised he was watching for me and it was bizarre! I asked many times for him to cool down and text a hello around say 10am by which time I'd be at work and would have got past the whole morning routine but he only kept it up a day or two and then would be back to watching for me again. A relationship is about the happiness of both people, not just your happiness. My ex could not get into his head that I had other responsibilities in my life and things to do. He actually told me once 'I am totally inconsiderate of the fact that you have a house to look after because I have never had a house to look after'. He was in his early forties when I dated him and he wanted attention from me all day every day. If I couldn't be available then I was in the wrong. He totally killed any attraction that I had in him. Luckily for me his behaviour began just when I was on the edge of falling for him. I never did fall for him. Your guy has bowed out of this relationship in the gentlest way he knew how. My advice is don't respond and find a new gym to go to.
Author saz123 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 But he hasn't broken up with me though? "Bowing" out of the relationship by text? I don't think so sorry.
GemmaUK Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 He is hoping that his message here is clear enough and probably wants you to outright end it because he is concerned about the fallout he might get from you if he outright ends it. His message is really clear that he wants out and there is no more talking to be done. You just need to read between the lines. It's impossible to resolve an issue with someone when they say they will do something and then only stick with it for a matter of days until something else happens. It takes things right back to square one and ends up being massively frustrating and exhausting. He has tried and tried to get you to compromise, find middle ground that is a happy place for you both and just enjoy the RS but each time you apologise, say you will do 'X' and then it's simply a countdown to the next incident.
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 You've been dumped by text. Probably because he can't handle the inevitable drama and clinginess. When he told you he wanted space and was busy for the near future, he was trying to end it gently. When you didn't get it, he then had to end it properly by telling you that he doesn't believe you can change anymore, and you're just detracting from his life. Note how he said he'd see you soon but didn't mention when. He's not trying to see you and sort it out. He's hoping you never have to see each other again. At first I thought you were weird and desperate but now I think you actually genuinely do have some pretty serious psychological issues when it comes to relationships. One of the main things that worries me is that you're so deep in denial about it all, you're not listening to a word anyone (him, or us) says. You're just arguing against it all to persuade yourself IT CAN'T BE OVER, IT'S NOT OVER when it clearly is. Best thing you can do is to never reply to this man again. Never speak to him or see him again. And then go and speak to your Doctor and ask for advice on where you can start some counselling or, better, therapy. You will destroy every relationship you ever have, otherwise. But somehow I don't think you are going to listen to this. Which is a feature of how screwed up you are about all of this. 1
GemmaUK Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 You've been dumped by text. Probably because he can't handle the inevitable drama and clinginess. When he told you he wanted space and was busy for the near future, he was trying to end it gently. When you didn't get it, he then had to end it properly by telling you that he doesn't believe you can change anymore, and you're just detracting from his life. Note how he said he'd see you soon but didn't mention when. He's not trying to see you and sort it out. He's hoping you never have to see each other again. That's how I read the message as well. On top of that I ended the RS I mentioned above by text because I simply could not bare to speak to the guy again. The RS was 7 months long but I had made attempts to end it from month 3. He simply didn't listen (and it was the same kind of situation where he would say he would cool it but it only lasted a brief time before we hit the same old problem yet again - back to square one) so when it really came to the final straw I could not speak to him and ended it as softly as possible. I still couldn't quite lose the guy for a further 5 months after ending it but at least I didn't have to physically see him again.
preraph Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 He was fair and honest with you and you were unable to change. He's done. You turned into a stalker on him. He gave you all the specific reasons, he gave you fair warning. You need to probably get some counseling to find out why you're so clingy and don't respect the other person's needs and can't accept the truth. 1
evanescentworld Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 (edited) But he hasn't broken up with me though? OMG yes he has, most certainly he has. No doubt about it. You are well and truly dumped. "Bowing" out of the relationship by text? I don't think so sorry. You can think what you like. Do you suppose we have never seen this before? You think this is a first for us? Guess again. I'm afraid so. First, the 'break'. Unbelievable right? Telling you YOU need a break? Yup. Unbelievable. but true. Now dumped by text. Yup.. Unbelievable. But true. Here it is, in black and white: I'm sorry kid i cant put up with this kind of behaviour. At the moment youre not adding to my life your just becoming a problem by the way you act. I'm sorry see you soon i hope you don't hate me for saying any of this. Sorry hun, but you need to pay attention..... Edited November 22, 2014 by evanescentworld added quoted text.
Got it Posted November 24, 2014 Posted November 24, 2014 But he hasn't broken up with me though? "Bowing" out of the relationship by text? I don't think so sorry. Honey it is breaking up. When is your self interest/ego going to get insulted enough to stand up? He is not giving you what you need and you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Stand up and desire more and know he is not the be all and end all. And I would take great affront to being called "bub" and "kid". These are diminishing and dismissive labels/nicknames. Honey, just stop. He wants out, then give him out. You are better than this.You deserve better than all of this. Act like it. Please. Be your own best advocate and start advocating for yourself which is NOT begging/accepting/pleading/arguing/or in any way asking him back. Go dark. Now. Your life is not going to cease to exist if he isn't in it and if he didn't appreciate you enough to show you every day then you deserve better.
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