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Entering a relationship initially not wanting marriage

Darren2013

By Darren2013
in General Relationship Discussion

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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As I said before I have no desire to be married and presumably that is the path I am set on and of course I know to be honest and upfront from day 1 with any woman that I meet that I don't want to marry or have kids.

 

Assuming I find a woman who is like minded on just dating exclusively for the rest of our lives but never upgrade to a living together status of marriage there's always the chance that I will change my mind. However unlikely that is it is still a chance. But I try not to worry about things that are not likely to happen. In life everything is a risk but some things are a matter of probable risk or slight risk. Better to spend time worrying about probable risks.

 

But a friend told me that if I manage to live into my 40s that I might want kids. I said I will cross that bridge if I come to it. If at any point in the relationship I start falling too deep for her that I end up wanting marriage after-all then I can just break it off and tell her the relationship has run its course and go NC mode.

 

Has anyone out there entered a relationship having no interest in marriage only to change their mind later?

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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If at any point in the relationship I start falling too deep for her that I end up wanting marriage after-all then I can just break it off and tell her the relationship has run its course and go NC mode.

 

Or... why not go for what you want at that point in time: you could tell her that you've changed your mind and you want to get married. She might surprise you!

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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Or... why not go for what you want at that point in time: you could tell her that you've changed your mind and you want to get married. She might surprise you!

 

That's very unlikely because we both entered the relationship with an agreement that there would be no marriage. So I suppose that is an option to ask her if she would reconsider but I am not very hopeful.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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That's very unlikely because we both entered the relationship with an agreement that there would be no marriage. So I suppose that is an option to ask her if she would reconsider but I am not very hopeful.

 

I think that's very defeatist and not very ambitious. Go after what you want!

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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I'm not an ambitious person by nature and we don't always get what we want in life anyway.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Before I was 25 every relationship I entered into I wanted nothing to do with marriage. I was all about fun.

 

At 24 I moved in with a guy that I was with for 12 years. Somewhere around 30 I started to want marriage. He didn't. It became the reason we broke up.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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I'm not an ambitious person by nature

 

I'm sensing this from some of your dating ideas.

 

and we don't always get what we want in life anyway.

 

True enough, but it's even less likely to happen if you deliberately self-sabotage things!

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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It isn't self sabatoging if I come to realize I want contrary to what the original agreement was for the relationship.

 

That's like agreeing to be FWB and then once I develop feelings I am self sabatoging by cutting off contact. It is rare for a FWB to transition to something more serious. More often than not one person develops feelings instead of both mutually developing feelings at the same time.

 

It is the same with a dating relationship where two people start out with a clear understanding that they don't want marriage.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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Fair enough. I'm guessing this is all fairly moot anyway, judging from your other threads where it seems that you're in the friend zone having firmly put yourself there through not making a move, rather than being in a relationship and having second thoughts about not wanting marriage.

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Darren2013 Established Member

Darren2013

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The subject is still a valid one to address regardless if it has any connection to my current situation or not. It may not be a moot point for someone else who is already in a relationship. There's no need to bring up my specific situation on this thread when it doesn't really answer the original question.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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The subject is still a valid one to address regardless if it has any connection to my current situation or not.

 

Indeed! I'm not saying you can't talk about it.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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Relationships aren't static things. People grow and change. This is part of life. When you're in a relationship you should be constantly "checking the temperature" of it so to speak and should be communicating frequently so that you know when things begin to change and if anything needs adjustment. Just because you decided on something 5 years ago when you first dated doesn't mean either of you can't grow to feel differently, in fact, it happens often, hence the need for sustained and open communication throughout the relationship.

 

The idea that if you're together for years and start to want marriage you should break up and go NC seems absurd. Healthy couples TALK, they discuss their feelings and find out they either have both come to want similar things or don't.

 

It's not unheard of that a couple didn't want marriage or kids then changed their minds together likewise one may change their mind and the other doesn't so the other goes along with it or leaves.

WhatIsLove2014 Established Member

WhatIsLove2014

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That's very unlikely because we both entered the relationship with an agreement that there would be no marriage. So I suppose that is an option to ask her if she would reconsider but I am not very hopeful.

 

Hhahahah that doesn't make sense...if you change your mind...wouldn't it make sense that she could possibly change her mind?

 

....duh

Got it Established Member

Got it

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But you don't want a relationship!?! Haven't you been saying you want, and I am paraphrasing, "to hit it and quit it"?

 

So who cares. If she doesn't tow the line you will go silent. Problem solved.

newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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perhaps you have never been in love? when you find the right person it can change your mind on just about anything. saying you want to go NC once you actually find someone you care for sounds really bizarre and immature

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

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If at any point in the relationship I start falling too deep for her that I end up wanting marriage after-all then I can just break it off and tell her the relationship has run its course and go NC mode.

 

That will be the right thing to do especially in your 40s, if you have any plans of enjoying your retirement and pension.

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