Girlfriend with guy friends

[Johnson1]

I recently started dating this girl I've been acquainted with through my brother. We've been going together for a month and have fallen completely in love with one another. Since we've been dating she's been awesome. She can't keep her lips off me everywhere we go, tells me I'm her world, tells me how gorgeous and sexy I am, how she loves my passion, my kisses, how I hold her, our initmacy together and how she can't wait to be in my arms every night and how she adores me to the ends of the earth. She sends me multimedia text messages every single morning (and night on days we're not together) that express her utter love for me.

 

We've been sleeping over each others houses almost every night of the week over the last two weeks. We've already discussed moving in together because it really seems to be destiny that brought us together. I know she loves me with all her heart and she tells me she's mine till the end of time and doesn't want anyone else and that she's 'with' me completely. There have been a series of uncanny coincidences that point to us meaning we were meant to be together. We absolutely in love each other.

 

There's just one problem (of course, right?). She has a couple of guy friends she keeps in contact with. One was an ex lover whom she lived with, but is 20 years older than her. She says they're only friends and that he looks at her more as a daughter now than a girlfriend and just watches out over her, which I believe. He's this fat, ugly old man whom she dated that makes me look like Fabio, so I'm not concerned.

 

It's her other friend I'm concerned with. She's been friends with him long before I came along and she told me she doesn't have any feelings for him and that she loves me with all her heart. She confides with me about her relationships with her guys friends and talks with me about what they talk about and doesn't have any problem letting me see her text messages they send back and forth. Last night she told me that she talked to this guy. She called him to talk because she said he never calls her or keeps in contact. I asked her if she was ever 'with' him and she told me she was 'friends with benefits' with him and that they were together a few times. She said he's not very outgoing and doesn't talk much. I think that's why she's not interested in being a relationship with him and only wants to keep him as friends. She says he doesn't socialize much and I told her I thought he needed a girlfriend, to which she disagreed, because she said in his last marriage his ex wife got half of everything and took him for a ride, but still I wonder if that's the real reason or if it's because she would be jealous if he did find a girlfriend. I can't be certain, especially since she's the one that calls him. She's ditched him for me once already. He asked her if she wanted to go to a concert one night and she told him she was with me, but she also said she wouldn't stop seeing him as friends. They harldly see each other, which I guess is a good thing. He does put her on

a guilt trip about their friendship together. She told me he said in reference to me 'This guy you're dating seems to be a nice guy, I hope you treat him better than you treat me'. He seems to be playing the sympathy angle. I highly doubt if she would ever do anything with him again if they were to hang out, but agin, I could never be certain, especially if she found him attractive enough to want to be friends with benefits to begin with.

 

So far I've been playing it cool because it's been going awesome. She REALLY does love me. I know that, so I'm trying very hard not to be the quintessential jealous controlling guy, but still, her relationship

with this guy has been weighing on my mind and has diminished my feelings for her ever so slightly. I think she contact him because she feels bad about not seeing him as much anymore because she's with me. I just concerned that she might start feeling so sorry for him that something happens between them, especially if they hang out and drink together. They night before we hooked up and a biker event she was kissing on some other friend she knows because she was toasted (drunk), which she rarely gets like.

 

I don't want to harp on the subject of their relationship together because I don't want her to get upset with me thinking I distrust her and diminish her adoration and love for me.

 

'She's told me, don't worry baby, I'm with you and only you. I love you.'

 

Should I trust her wholeheartedly? Like I said, I believe that she honestly, truly loves me. I really do, but still.....

 

You're love should be your best friend. That's how I see it. She shouldn't need this guy if she is that in love. I should be her best friend. She confides in our relationship with him, which I can honestly say I don't like, but again, I can't let her know that. I've thought of letting her know that I don't mind if she sees him as long as we all hang out together, but then again by asking something like that shows distrust. It's easy to have trust when it's all one sided. I don't have any girl 'friends' that I hang out with, although there is one girl I know who wants me and would screw me in a heartbeat. She knows it and knows this girl through the grapvine, but I'm not attracted to her, nor do I contact her to hang out. I wouldn't want to make her jealous that way. She makes plans for the future for us. She showed me this rollercoaster ride she wants us to go on that won't be completed till 2017. I just don't understand why she needs this guy friend if she has me as her friend and lover, unless it's because she doesn't want to give up her friendships just in case it doesn't work out between us. That I can see.

 

Tell me what you think. Thank you.

Edited November 20, 2014 by Vocals5

[PegNosePete]

We've already discussed moving in together

I know she loves me with all her heart and she tells me she's mine till the end of time

We absolutely in love each other.

After 1 month? Seriously...?

 

She told me he said in reference to me 'This guy you're dating seems to be a nice guy, I hope you treat him better than you treat me'.

Yeah this is the only issue I think. You don't have a right to tell her who to choose as friends (especially after just 1 month!!) and their friendship seems to be just fine for the most part but this is a bit of a weird thing for him to say. I would carry on but be cautious and look out for other signs that he is still into her, and not a "friend" of your relationship.

 

They night before we hooked up and a biker event she was kissing on some other friend she knows because she was toasted (drunk)

She sounds really quality. Kissing some dude, hooked up with you, had a former FWB, used to date a guy 20 years older, and is "totally in love" with you after just 1 month of dating. I'm not getting the "steady girlfriend material" vibe here.

[Johnson1]

After 1 month? Seriously...?

 

 

Yeah this is the only issue I think. You don't have a right to tell her who to choose as friends (especially after just 1 month!!) and their friendship seems to be just fine for the most part but this is a bit of a weird thing for him to say. I would carry on but be cautious and look out for other signs that he is still into her, and not a "friend" of your relationship.

 

 

She sounds really quality. Kissing some dude, hooked up with you, had a former FWB, used to date a guy 20 years older, and is "totally in love" with you after just 1 month of dating. I'm not getting the "steady girlfriend material" vibe here.

 

Moving in 'eventually'. We're not stupid and gawk at others who would do that. We have more common sense than that. She wants to wait at least 6 months and I agree, for now things are going so well between us we can see it definitely happening in the future. Hopefully no problems arise between us with her guy friend.

 

She wasn't in love with these other guys. I'm not a biker and not a part of that world which she wants to get away from because of all the disrespect she's been through dating guys in the biker world. She wants and has a soft pretty side she wants to come out, but it poo pood by the biker types. She said I could turn her whole universe upside down.

[Johnson1]

You're both probably very young and inexperienced judging by your post. After a month of dating neither of you knows squat about the other.

 

Wrong here on both counts. I'm probably older than you are. I'm 50.

I know a lot more about her than you think, and her I. We're both very level headed individuals who been through a lot in life. I was married for 27 years. She's 36 and been living independently her whole life and has had many relationships. We've both been through the mill and have tons of common sense about how these things work. From my perspective I highly doubt this is just a fling between her and I. She said she's never felt like this about any of her past relationships. My only question is my concern over the need to keep her guy friends.

[central]

Time will tell, of course. However, she hasn't hidden anything from you, it seems, and if she can keep good boundaries she can probably manage her friendships just fine. I'm friends with past lovers and FWBs, as is my wife. It's not a problem for us, as we have good boundaries. Not everyone does, so as you get to know your gf better, this is something to determine and talk about for the future.

[d0nnivain]

Reading your 1st post I too thought this was a young love scenario. At 50 years old you need realize that people have lives & pasts.

 

As long as the "friend" is just a friend because he was here before you two started dating, you need to find a way to become OK with him. I suggest you get to know him. I had several close male friends when I met my husband. While they are still my friends, now they are more his buddies. Especially if this guy has a GF, go on a double date.

 

Also since you said you met her through your brother, ask him about these other guys to get a more accurate "threat assessment"

 

The fact that she has little self control & was making out with some guy because she was "toasted" (drunk) is a bigger problem. You think she rarely gets like that but you don't know her long enough to judge accurately. It is the holidays . . . office parties, cocktail parties, egg nog, champagne etc. Why not watch her behavior over the next few weeks before you conclude that her behavior was aberrant rather than her normal M.O.

 

At 1 month in you are moving too fast to discuss co-habitating & it's waaaaayyyy to early for you to dictate who she can interact with. Get through the holidays first. If you survive all that stress, after you have been together for 6+ months you can then have an intelligent conversation about co-mingling your lives. Right now you are thinking with your hormones.