Haydn Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 What`s your idealish kind of bloke Spider? Thanks for your thoughts on this Gaius. It's not true at all, just not keen on the potential suitors. I wish I was because I do want that kind of relationship.
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 We're made up of more than one force and in your case one of those forces doesn't want sexual intimacy with anyone. So you're always going to develop an excuse to get rid of potential suitors. Hmm, thinking about this one again. It's quite deep. I suppose it's possible to have entirely conflicting forces. I do want sexual intimacy, very much, but no-one seems suitable. It's very frustrating. 2
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 Ahh..Spider your a hard one. Perhaps your just to attractive? My social circle can be a bit intimidating. It's like a party at Kate Moss's house. Keep going to social events. Try some offbeat one's. I wish! No, pretty average if that, but it's almost like I know that if I'm not attracted to soemone he will like me. I get the impression from reading other threads that this is not uncommon, but a fact of life. Good idea to suggest other social events, I was beginning to think that. Being nervous in social situations doesn't help. Sounds like I'd find your social events too wild, lol.
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 What`s your idealish kind of bloke Spider? Kind, generous in spirit, artistic maybe, not controlling, and of course attractive to me. I prefer it if they keep in touch and communicate too, don't like these haphazard people who leave you wondering what's happening all the time. 2
Haydn Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Ok, party at my house. Strictly `indie` though.
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 Ok, party at my house. Strictly `indie` though. Hmm, think I'm a bit on the old side for you. I like some Indie music but loud parties are not for me - but thanks
Tayken Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I guess it's back to my place then for some adult soft n easy listening....the music that is, and not the magic wand
Tayken Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I guess it's back to my place then for some adult soft n easy listening....the music that is, and not the magic wand Kind, generous in spirit, artistic maybe, not controlling Meaning....for you to be able to do what you want, when you want and with whoever without running it by your partner??????
RedRobin Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I'm hoping you can give me some useful guidance or insights here. I think I have a problem. I go on online dating sites (yes, I know that can be problematic in itself). I do get contacted by guys. I have been contacted by guys who looked great, seemed nice in their messages, responsible sorts of people, and who wanted to get to know me and meet. Others would jump at the chance, but I come up with all sorts of reasons in my head why they are unsuitable: - too old - too young - too far - must be a player - only seeking an older woman for a bit of fun - probably just looking for fun ... and so on. I'm a bit like Goldilocks - no-one is quite right. I am fussy, yes, I need an intelligent guy I'm attracted to. I do find myself attracted to some guys but if I do, I assume they are players or too young. Is up to 15 years younger too young? I always think so. Some of these guys may be genuine, I just don't know. I feel like I'd be taking an enormous risk and then kick myself later, when hurt, for not realising what was wrong with them. Tonight, I kicked away a lovely guy who wanted to meet for coffee. He was too young, nearly 20 years too young! Last week, I kicked away another lovely guy because he was too far away and too young, 10 years this time. I find some older guys attractive but usually I have to know them first, like having met them socially. Most guys who write to me online can barely write English so they are ruled out because I need someone bright and literate. I'm confused. I feel a need to turn guys down before they get a chance to hurt me. Am I just a good judge of character or being overly defensive - I don't know? Is there a way forward or another route I could take? I'm certainly getting nowhere with a love-life at the moment, despite having quite a few opportunities. Sorry for hijacking your thread earlier... There is a lot of posts you've written on here that could have been written by me. I've dated and sent packing a whole lot of guys... There was a point in doing online dating when I'd agree to meet anyone who seemed nice and who was reasonably attractive. I didn't put a whole lot of restrictions on things like age. As I gained more experience, I changed my criteria a lot, and got a lot more selective when doing online dating, not less. But that is just me. It was horribly draining for me to agree to meet so many guys and repeat the same damned stories every time. Not to mention coming across some of the downright mean and dishonest that are quite abundant there. The good news, is that when I DID finally agree to meet a man, it was almost always a good experience, even if it didn't work out. so, I dunno. My advice is to keep being selective and do your best to try and meet people IRL where you have a chance to warm up to them at your own pace. Things happen in OLD way too fast, I think. Really tough to have things develop organically, which is maybe what you'd like more of??
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 I guess it's back to my place then for some adult soft n easy listening....the music that is, and not the magic wand I doubt you'd be interested Tayken, but from previous postings, I get the impression you are not short of admirers
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 Meaning....for you to be able to do what you want, when you want and with whoever without running it by your partner?????? If you have a partner, you would usually discuss any plans with them. But no, by 'not controlling', I meant not telling me what I should wear, how I should behave, or ask what I've been doing and who with. There has to be trust. Basically, just don't want someone grumpy and bossy - would anyone?
Author spiderowl Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 Sorry for hijacking your thread earlier... The good news, is that when I DID finally agree to meet a man, it was almost always a good experience, even if it didn't work out. so, I dunno. My advice is to keep being selective and do your best to try and meet people IRL where you have a chance to warm up to them at your own pace. Things happen in OLD way too fast, I think. Really tough to have things develop organically, which is maybe what you'd like more of?? I know what you mean about the online dating thing. I would rather meet people more naturally, but there are so few social occasions where one meets new people and possibly to date. I've been to crafts classes for instance and found many were totally absorbed in the craft and already attached anyway. I didn't necessarily like them. It is a pace thing, especially if the guy is some distance away and has to make an effort to travel to meet me. It brings up a whole load of other issues, like where does he stay, why is he willing to travel so far, what is he hoping to gain from all this? I feel I can't trust them. I do think mixing in other social circles might be a good idea. I meet some lovely people, doing the things I enjoy for leisure, but they are mostly attached or single for a reason!
RedRobin Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Where I come from and women I associate myself with, don't say "dude" :-) I don't know if I was suppose to be impressed by the mention of France, like most Brits, it's like going down the street for us and we even did school exchanges there and other European cities as kids. I put myself through university at 18, and went back to get another degree thereafter...both hard sciences mind you :-) Any man divorced or not, will be foolish to go in with their eyes closed because of sex. You have a lot to lose than the woman in the end...period! Translation: If you were a woman, I'd call you 'Babe'. You assume the worst of people, clearly. I mentioned France because it was a fond memory. It was our trip to France that was most memorable... and the paperweight really just a symbol of it. Sorry if you can't relate to that. With your unpleasant disposition, trust me, trying to impress you was the last thing on my mind. lol. ... and about the rest... you'll have to be nice to me if you want to know where I live and what I do for a living that allows me to be financially independent and not one of those hoooorible women who use men for $$. Noone is saying anyone here should go in with their eyes closed. How about giving someone the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise?? You might just be missing out on some really terrific people. I could give the same advice to the OP. Maybe if we understood what makes her feel a particular guy is a player or just after fun, we could be of more help. I have my own ways of sorting them out that have worked quite well for me.
Tayken Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 (edited) you'll have to be nice to me if you want to know where I live and what I do for a living that allows me to be financially independent and not one of those hoooorible women who use men for $$.@RR....when you put it like this, I can definitely show you that am not a "hoooorible" man How is your Saturday going by the way if I may ask? Am just sitting down having some rice with beef stew that I made, with some plantain. This will be washed down with a nice cup of Earl Grey. You might just be missing out on some really terrific people. Like the lady at Walmart the other day starring at me in the customer service queue, who instead of standing behind me, kept on standing beside me as queue moved forward. Edited November 23, 2014 by Tayken
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