New person after break up.. don't know how I feel

[Father'sGentleFlower]

OK.. I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago and I was really upset about it to the point that I would cry everyday and stay in bed.

 

 

Now that I'm better, I don't cry anymore and I even get a message from him on FB now and then. I don't think I miss him as much anymore, but something else got added to the equation.

 

 

I started talking to someone I haven't spoken to in a couple months or so and for a reason. When I was with my ex-boyfriend, he tried to kiss me, but I declined, told my boyfriend, and we agreed that I shouldn't trust him, go to his house, or speak to him again.

 

 

That same guy, I started speaking with on FB sometime after the break up. It started with me liking one of his music videos and then it escalated to him inviting me over. I was surprised that he didn't completely ignore me since I stopped talking to him.

 

 

 

 

He invited me to go camping on Saturday at first, but then he called me Friday to ask if I was busy and if I wanted to sing a few songs with him. I had absolutely nothing better to do so I went over. I was set on not mentioning my break up, my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend), or anything remotely relating to the subject.

 

 

When I went to his house, he played a few songs like was planned, we drank some wine, his roommates were around (one of them a girl) so I felt comfortable.

 

 

We went to his room to not bother his roommates and he played more guitar. A little later, I felt a bit tipsy and he came close to me and asked "is it bad that I want to kiss you?"

 

 

I felt like I sobered up then and asked "is that why you asked me to come?"

 

 

He told me no, that he really liked me because I liked art and music like him and that I thought differently than most people. That before I was more of a friend because I didn't smoke or drink (now I do), that he wanted to be closer to me, he told not to push him away, and so on.

 

 

I asked him "if that's the case, then why did you try to kiss me the last time I came?"

 

 

He told that his intentions were different and that he just went through a break up with girl that had him on the side with out telling him and that changed his mind set.

 

 

I didn't believe him of course, from knowing him only a few days at first, he struck me as a guy with a not so great reputation with women.

 

 

Either way, he asked me if I felt attracted to him, I told him no, but he asked if I was sure.

 

 

Eh.. this guy may have a bachelor's degree, an okay job, and his face is even easy on the eyes, but he's a bit cocky (opposite of my ex, who would constantly deem himself unworthy of being with me). And he's a guy with a history, which he told me he has changed.

 

 

I forgot exactly what I said, but I think I said something along the lines of "my boyfriend told me things and then he changed his mind"

 

 

he asked me if we broke up and I face-palmed myself. I ended up telling him without noticing. We talked to him and he hugged me, although I don't think I needed comfort. I kept talking and we reached a not so depressing note, until his friends came and played music for a bit, meanwhile he kept flirting with me.

 

 

When, they left he asked me if I would just cuddle with him, nothing more he said. I complied eventually and then when he asked me again if I would kiss him to see if either of us felt something. I let him.

 

 

He seemed to enjoy it and although we continued, I'm not sure if I felt anything really. I ended up crashing with him for the night, nothing else happened of course. We spent the day with his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend and then I slept over again. So I pretty much spent the whole weekend. I went home Sunday morning.

 

 

I was so confused at this point, I don't know how I felt or if I felt anything towards him. I'll admit that it was nice to be around someone and it was comforting that even though he flirted with me intensely, he didn't try to have sex with me. He asked me to come over again Sunday night (which I didn't). I saw him again Monday night and last night (unplanned because I forgot something at his place). However, I still don't know that I trust him.

 

 

So far, the consecutive visits resulted in me exposing some more secrets about myself. I told him about how I joked to my ex-boyfriend that guys were willing to pay just for my companionship, to which he responded "oh, well I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you don't have to do anything sexual... even if you do *shrug*" (yeah.. after he told me that he cared about me, not quite what I expected to hear).

 

 

When I told this guy about what I almost did, he told me that he couldn't imagine being so desperate as to pay to be with someone and that if I wanted to do it go ahead, but that he did care about me and didn't want me doing something like that (more of what I wanted to hear from my ex-boyfriend, who doesn't love me, but "still cares about me" ?). And just so you know, I was to the point of almost going through with it.

 

 

So do these mixed feelings mean something? I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of something. Is there anything I'm doing wrong? btw this is my first break up and that guy is the second I have gotten involved with so that's why I sound so lost.

[RedButton]

This sounds like you should proceed with caution. It's only been one month, I imagine you're still very raw from the breakup. Why not tell this guy that you need some time before you can start being intimate or close with someone else? If he is actually respectful and a decent guy he'll give you the time. If he starts getting pushy or upset by that then you should distance yourself from him.

 

I'm sure others will have better advice, they might even tell you to run for the hills from this guy.

[Father'sGentleFlower]

This sounds like you should proceed with caution. It's only been one month, I imagine you're still very raw from the breakup. Why not tell this guy that you need some time before you can start being intimate or close with someone else? If he is actually respectful and a decent guy he'll give you the time. If he starts getting pushy or upset by that then you should distance yourself from him.

 

I'm sure others will have better advice, they might even tell you to run for the hills from this guy.

 

 

Well I did talk to him about that actually, he said that it's fine if I need time. However, he also keeps telling me not to push him away (I'm not sure what he means by that) and that he wants to be closer to me. So right now, we're basically "cuddle buddies". Again, I don't know if I'm doing this right... new to this.

[RedButton]

I hate to say this, but to me it sounds like he's being a bit manipulative of you by saying he's okay with you taking your time, but also asking you not to 'push him away'.

 

If you're unsure what he means, just ask him. It's possible he's genuine, but if he's pushing you to sleep over a lot and the like so soon after a breakup I'd be cautious.

[Father'sGentleFlower]

I hate to say this, but to me it sounds like he's being a bit manipulative of you by saying he's okay with you taking your time, but also asking you not to 'push him away'.

 

If you're unsure what he means, just ask him. It's possible he's genuine, but if he's pushing you to sleep over a lot and the like so soon after a breakup I'd be cautious.

 

I did ask him as matter of fact. He said that it meant that he wants to be closer to me, but he also knows I'm not stupid. I tell him "I can't take your word for it" when he tells me that he changed or I tell him "your fancy words are nice, but I'm not ready to be close to anyone." I let him know that it'll be a long while before I'm ready to even be anything to anyone.

[Enema]

Have a fling with him if you want, but don't get serious.

 

Could you trust a guy who has so little respect for relationship boundaries?