Author irresolute Posted November 26, 2014 Author Posted November 26, 2014 It's ok, you found out that you just aren't emotionally there yet. You fell apart after only two dates and your mind is clearly on your ex. It's ok to tell the new guy you have to put things on hold, if he's got good character he won't mind. Give yourself a little more time. I know first hand that if you try to start something new when the pain hasn't subsided, it will get in the way and prolong your recovery. Why you think it will get in my recovery? I was thinking on sleeping with him, just to see how it feels...
evanescentworld Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 Big mistake. B-I-G. HUGE. Do not sleep with the guy. You'll get weepy, be wracked with guilt and regret it. You're not some sex object that can turn emotions on/off at a whim. You're still hurting. Way too soon, doll. W-a-a-a-a-y too soon.
Mi7522 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 I appreciate very much this, jphcbpa (Wow what a nickname! what does it mean?) I was rushed to start something new because this worked in the past for me to get over someone (I met my ex husband this way, and we lasted a looong time together), but obviously I'm not ready. I'm struggling right now, I want to stalk J, ugh. I have this urges, horrible, horrible urges. You're rushing in to things too quickly that's why they are always an ex. Really take some time to yourself and figure out how you work, I don't think you're doing that once you figure out yourself stead of just having someone there all the times you will realise so much more about yourself. Take care of #1 first and then you will truly find the right person for you
Chin Up Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 (edited) It's ok, I did the same thing, as have many others. Won't be doing that again any time soon though! Need a lot more "me time" before I can offer anything to someone else. In my case the guy I met (one month after b/u) turned out to be a weirdo so I had no problem dropping him a few days after meeting him. It did make me realize i'm not ready to date yet though and still being raw and lonely from from the breakup has me in a moronic state where I'm not making the best judgement in guys. "oh he's funny like my ex and looks kinda similar, so he's probably just like him or damn near close! :love:" newp! All this did was make me miss my ex ever more. le~sigh. I feel stuck with feelings for my ex that I can't give him, so I was trying to find a suitable "effigy" to point them at. Typical rebound scenario but i'm not gonna go there cuz it won't make me feel any better in the long run and it's sooo unfair to the other person to be used in that way. I don't plan on dating again until I'm perfectly happy being alone. I figure if at this point i can't stand being alone with myself, what can I possibly bring to the table in a new relationship? A whole lot of insecurities and baggage, I assume. boo. Give it some time. It sucks to be lonely and have feelings you don't know what to do with, and miss having someone be there for you..but we can all relate and are here for each other. Edited November 27, 2014 by Chin Up Typo-rama
jackinthebox1 Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 (edited) Really? Wow congratulations on your recovery. You shouldnt be here posting in breakups then. This kind of posts amaze me, honestly, because Ive seen people struggling for monnths, years! Like me, for example. I'm really just posting on here to try and help people but its hard because 99% of people don't actually want to move on. Every post is about waiting for an ex, clinging on to an ex's breadcrumbs when it should be about self improvement and development. We are all different though. I did have a tough few weeks but i've just made sure i've been out all the time, busy and have new women and people in my life so i dont have any longing to see or speak to my ex. I even saw her on the weekend and got through it just fine. It can be hard to make yourself see other people and i don't think that is 100% the goal. But being out and around friends and new potential partners is fun and interesting and make you realise that there is a big world out there. Edited November 27, 2014 by jackinthebox1
Author irresolute Posted November 27, 2014 Author Posted November 27, 2014 I'm really just posting on here to try and help people but its hard because 99% of people don't actually want to move on. Every post is about waiting for an ex, clinging on to an ex's breadcrumbs when it should be about self improvement and development. We are all different though. I did have a tough few weeks but i've just made sure i've been out all the time, busy and have new women and people in my life so i dont have any longing to see or speak to my ex. I even saw her on the weekend and got through it just fine. It can be hard to make yourself see other people and i don't think that is 100% the goal. But being out and around friends and new potential partners is fun and interesting and make you realise that there is a big world out there. What is hard for me to understand is how you can possible have sex or kiss another woman. I guess you were not that into her, you did a good job at masking your feelings, or you just dont give a danm. If you have some kind of emotions, my guess is you'll get into reality soon and then you will miss her. Otherwise is beyond my comprehension.
Author irresolute Posted November 27, 2014 Author Posted November 27, 2014 Dear all, I stalked him yesterday online. Ugh. I feel horrible now but that is the truth and I have to deal with that. This morning I missed him a lot but reality is this is my life right now, and J will never be a part of it because he chose not to. Regarding new guy, after he told me he wants to meet me in a more private place, things got cold and I decided not to check my emails for a while. I'm not emailing him anymore.
Author irresolute Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) Dear all, It's cold and rainy in Cali. I'm at home, trying to finish a paper for school, and I could not refrain myself from thinking that I do miss J today. Two years ago, I was embarking in this rollercoaster, that has been the most difficult time of my life so far. I've never felt so heartbroken in my entire life, so depressed, so anxious, so miserable, so excited, so happy, so unhappy, so hopeless...It has never been easy since that December of 2012. Today, I still miss him. I wish I could go back in time and did things differently. Unfortunately, this is not possible. I find myself more calm, more relaxed, more scared as well. Scared because I'm alone right now. I have no more Johnny in my life. Forever. So yes, I'm scared and vulnerable, and today I wish I still had that crazy obsession because that maintain me occupied, so I didn't have to think about life. Reality is tough. It was me who looked for him, and it was me who used him, becuase I needed to fill a void, desperately. He was a poor guy. just a poor broken guy. I wish things were different. I wish I weren't so broken. This life hurts. Very much. Edited November 30, 2014 by irresolute
Recommended Posts