I'm my own worst enemy

[lucy1822]

SO where do I start.

 

I'm a clingy girlfriend, apparently. But to be honest it could probably be called clingy-going-on-crazy.

 

So it all started last night when I asked to see my boyfriend and as per normal he is seeing his friend and cannot make time for me. I don't know what happened but something in me snapped, I just wasn't having this. So I marched on up to his house (turns out he wasn't home, he was at his friends), so I marched on up to his friends house and demanded he came and saw me. This sounds pretty unreasonable, right? Fact is that he makes me like this.

 

Ok so he got incredibly angry and his friend now apparently thinks I'm annoying... I find him annoying for taking my boyfriend away from me pretty much every night, so whatever.

 

I need help. And yes I'm seeing a therapist, she is trying to boost my confidence. After all if I'm confident in myself I won't feel the need to go into crazy girlfriend mode and be such a stalker.

 

He now is saying that I need space and that he can't be with me right now, ok fair enough. Literally 2 days ago he was saying how grateful he is to have me and how much he loves me. - I don't understand how someone can change so quickly, but he can! Absolute jeckl and hyde.

 

So he sent me these texts, which I haven't replied to, because I don't know how to reply!!

 

Can somebody analyse these:

 

"I can't take it anymore bub, you're letting your own problems ruin our relationship. Every time you have a problem you annoy me over it and it has pushed me away, I'm more annoyed now than ever."

 

"You need space, you need to stop following me, you need to respect me. I don't want to be angry at you, I don't want to have to fight with you, I just can't possibly be with someone who can't act sensibly. It doesn't fit in with my calm demeanor."

 

"Now my friends think you're annoying, and I do too I'm sorry but you brought this upon yourself."

 

End of texts.

 

What have I brought upon myself?

 

Don't get me wrong I completely agree with some of the things he said, I smother him WAY too much. I need to snap out of it.

 

But his "calm demeanor" does not exist, he is aggressive and to me that isn't calm.

 

I'm sure you guys will need to know more about the situation than what I've just discussed, but this guy loves me and I know it. He just has the ability to one day say to me "I love you I'm so grateful I have you" to "Go away from me we need space".

 

I'm my own worst enemy, and I need to stop.

 

If these texts mean he wants to breakup with me then surely he would of said that?

Edited November 19, 2014 by lucy1822

[clia]

I think he does love you, but he does not like your irrational, smothering behavior. His texts indicate to me that he is essentially giving you a warning. Stop behaving how you are behaving or he is going to end the relationship. Not only are you not acting sensibly around him, but you are also doing it around his friends, which is embarrassing to him. He is saying you brought this on yourself because your own behavior is likely going to lead him to end the relationship. You are near breaking point with him.

[newmoon]

well, first it's awesome that you're talking with a therapist because you recognize there is an issue and you're trying to deal with it. the texts, to me, are asking for some space. if someone sent me those it wouldn't mean it was a break-up, but it definitely shows that they don't want to be contacted right now and that i should leave them alone. the last one seems a bit more like he is really embarrassed by what you did. although it goes against what you say you are (clingy), i would try extremely hard to not contact him until he reaches out to you.

[lucy1822]

I think he does love you, but he does not like your irrational, smothering behavior. His texts indicate to me that he is essentially giving you a warning. Stop behaving how you are behaving or he is going to end the relationship. Not only are you not acting sensibly around him, but you are also doing it around his friends, which is embarrassing to him. He is saying you brought this on yourself because your own behavior is likely going to lead him to end the relationship. You are near breaking point with him.

 

I think you're right. This is exactly it. I have to change

 

So how much space should I take? My therapist reckons 24 - 48 hours.

 

I have a slight problem though, I have a ticket to see his band play tomorrow night and I'm going with his friend. My boyfriend was so excited that I was coming the other day, before I pissed him off again.

 

Do you reckon it would be a bad move if I still go? Or maybe he'll be happy?

 

Thanks for your reply, it's made me that bit more confident about the situation. I don't want to have to break up with him.

[Got it]

I think you are both projection your own issues and behavior on to each other and not accepting responsibility.

 

Honestly, I think therapy is a good idea but I also think you two aren't a fit. You can find someone that will want to spend as much time with you as you do with them. Focus on therapy but cut him loose. You two aren't showcasing the best behavior for/towards each other.

[lucy1822]

He doesn't believe that I can prove to him that I can be a grown up and independent woman, how can I prove this to him? The only ways I can think of are taking my own space with no contact.

 

Maybe he'll miss me if there is no contact?

 

I want to prove to my boyfriend that I can change!!!

[lucy1822]

Do you recommend no contact for 48 hours? I just hope he misses me and I hope this way I can prove to him I can be independent.

[clia]

Do you recommend no contact for 48 hours? I just hope he misses me and I hope this way I can prove to him I can be independent.

 

I think you should go no contact until he contacts you again, however long that may be. In the meantime, stop obsessing about this and go out and do something fun. Get your hair, nails, or makeup done. Go shopping and buy some cute new shoes or a cute coat. Go to the gym. Go to the movies. Go to the zoo. Go to the museum. Go try out a new restaurant. Whatever.