If we never have the exclusivity talk then presumably we are both free

[Darren2013]

So if I have been seeing some woman for awhile and I have been asking her out once a week for 2 months or so but we never have the exclusivity talk then is it a safe presumption that we are both still free to date others and do whatever we want with our lives? Therefore I am not really cheating if I still see other women on the side because we never had the talk to be exclusive.

 

Quite frankly I am in no hurry to have the talk and I would wait for her to bring it up first. I won't even bother to ask her if she is seeing other men because the answer would not matter. If she brings up talk of going exclusive then I will tell her I have to think about it for a week.

[sillyanswer]

So if I have been seeing some woman for awhile and I have been asking her out once a week for 2 months or so but we never have the exclusivity talk then is it a safe presumption that we are both still free to date others and do whatever we want with our lives? Therefore I am not really cheating if I still see other women on the side because we never had the talk to be exclusive.

 

You could assume that. Is it safe to do so? Not entirely because she might assume something else. Is that reasonable of her? Irrelevant if you end up in a fight over it.

[WasOtherWoman]

I would absolutely assume that, without specific conversation, there are no expectations of exclusivity.

[Darren2013]

You could assume that. Is it safe to do so? Not entirely because she might assume something else. Is that reasonable of her? Irrelevant if you end up in a fight over it.

 

The fight wouldn't last longer than 2 seconds because I would say "you can't say I cheated because neither of us sat down and talked about being exclusive". That would be the end of the discussion.

[misty12]

If you are not sure you want to see her exclusively after 2 months, and you would need a week to make a decision, you are either a) looking for an exclusive relationship but not really all that into her or b) not looking for an exclusive relationship. If the answer is a, you should have the conversation with her because she might be into you and you are wasting her time. If it's b, I think that's also a conversation that needs to be had so that again, you are not wasting her time.

[Darren2013]

If I really like her alot I might say "If you want me to stop seeing others let me know and I will".

 

That should give her the push she needs to communicate what she wants.

[sillyanswer]

The fight wouldn't last longer than 2 seconds because I would say "you can't say I cheated because neither of us sat down and talked about being exclusive". That would be the end of the discussion.

 

Fair enough and I can see that point of view. It might also be the end of the non-exclusive dating you were doing with that woman.

[autumnnight]

I think it depends on the woman when it comes to what they think. I used to be naive and think if someone was saying very intimate things and spending time with me it was probably just with me until I learned the hard way that is not how it works. Women do the same thing too at times. It's better to never assume.

[Darren2013]

There was one lady I went out with on 4 dates back in spring of 2013 and she saw that I was texting other women. My interest level in her was probably at 75% which is moderate. Anyway we got into a discussion about exclusivity and then I had to leave her house to go to work. Then she says "Hey I don't care if you talk to other women".

 

So that was my clue right there she wasn't interested in being my girlfriend. I just said ok and left. After that I went NC. So if she says she doesn't care what you do then you are dead in the water.

[d0nnivain]

That's my on the subject: Single & free until you both talk about it & agree to be otherwise.

 

However, I shared that view with the people I dated early on & never assumed they felt the same way about it I did.

[Gloria25]

No worries cuz you'll never reach the point of having an exclusivity talk with anyone....

 

You can't even accept a coffee or after works wings with someone...

[Brooke02]

Well which is it?

 

[Quote]

I think my goal for the rest of my short life is to see how many women I can write off. See how many women I can decline sexual offers from. See how many women I can decline a relationship from. And I can decline politely by saying "I'm happy to just be friends" and then going into strict NC mode after that.

[Anela]

The fight wouldn't last longer than 2 seconds because I would say "you can't say I cheated because neither of us sat down and talked about being exclusive". That would be the end of the discussion.

 

 

If she thought otherwise, it probably would not be the end of the discussion. I laughed, because the idea of that is hilarious, but your subject here isn't. You can't toy with people that way.

[dichotomy]

For me - once we are dating regularly and particularly if we are having sex - I assume we are exclusive..... but I have made that mistake before-assuming. I wont do that ever again. Upfront and open always.

 

What does exclusive mean and what does cheating mean? Sex? emotions? seeing their ex behind your back but no sex? Only each person can define what it means to them.

 

 

 

But bottom line - if sex has entered into the relationship I think some definition of rules or boundaries or assumptions is mandatory.

[WhatIsLove2014]

No worries cuz you'll never reach the point of having an exclusivity talk with anyone....

 

You can't even accept a coffee or after works wings with someone...

 

Right and if they do show interest in you, you will dump them anyways. So don't worry about it. This conversation won't be happening any time soon.

[GemmaUK]

I don't understand why this even comes up in your thinking?

 

 

You already posted a thread saying you won't date and want to reject so this is irrelevant to you isn't it?

 

 

For the record, absolutely, both are free to date whoever until an agreement is made.

[Gloria25]

I don't understand why this even comes up in your thinking?

 

 

You already posted a thread saying you won't date and want to reject so this is irrelevant to you isn't it?

 

 

For the record, absolutely, both are free to date whoever until an agreement is made.

 

I guess I'll play along too...

 

Look, we have another situation where he's waiting on "her" (whomever she may be) to make a move - even though she has no clue as to what "exclusivity" means to him.

 

So, she's already gonna lose this game in his head, cuz he already knows the answer - but she doesn't. So, if she goes down path #1 thinking it means "a", it means "x" to him, and if she goes down path #2 thinking it means "b", it means "y" to him...So, she can't win.

 

Yes, there are some things people do that give us clear indications that they are juggling you and other people (i.e. them keeping an OLD active while dating you). But the instance you gave us could mean different things.

 

She could be saying "she doesn't care about you talking to others" cuz it's too early for an exclusivity talk. Maybe to her, exclusivity is discussed at the 6 month mark. So, she might not even be seeing anyone else and/or wants to give this RL time, to see if she wants to be exclusive - at 6 months.

 

She could be pulling "reverse psychology" where she pretends she doesn't care, in hopes that by granting you a "perceived" freedom, you don't feel pressured to commit to her.

 

She could be seeing other people and want to continue it that way.

 

Get my drift. People need COMMUNICATION. Dr. Laura gets upset at times when people call in and she asks "Well, did you talk about this to Joe/Jane?", "Do you know what Joe/Jane wants?", "What has Joe/Jane said about X?"...and, the people say "No". Sometimes she hangs up on them and tells them to call back after they speak to the person in question first. And, I see her point.

[organizedchaos]

I don't understand why this even comes up in your thinking?

 

 

You already posted a thread saying you won't date and want to reject so this is irrelevant to you isn't it?

 

 

For the record, absolutely, both are free to date whoever until an agreement is made.

 

Honestly, I think all of this person's posts are just gleamed from pua forums and he's just trying to get everyone worked up. None of it means anything.

[GemmaUK]

Honestly, I think all of this person's posts are just gleamed from pua forums and he's just trying to get everyone worked up. None of it means anything.

 

 

 

Well yeah, but they are amusing sometimes.

[Brooke02]

Honestly, I think all of this person's posts are just gleamed from pua forums and he's just trying to get everyone worked up. None of it means anything.

 

Exactly.

He likes to write & see how people react.