He's not seeing me for a week because I'm going out with a girlfriend

[Char12]

My boyfriend doesn't like my best friend. Every time i've gone out with her he kicks off about something. He'll pick on what I wear, where I go and even criticize the music we listen to.. he even says I'm a "horrible, different person" around her. I've asked him what's so horrible about me and he can't pick an example, and from what I can tell, the difference is because we talk about girly things. He says that's "not me". I'll admit I'm not really a clubbing girl who listens to pop style music but it's just a bit of light hearted fun every blue moon for me. I've even said he can come with us and every time he's managed to kick off then too, he'll usually storm off home at some point and say nasty things.

 

I don't go out with my friend much anymore, probably once every 2 months and dread her asking really. I usually see my boyfriend for a week at a time (because of complicated train fares, e.g from his home he can get a weekly pass for £24 and coming to me he has to pay a lot more every night, so if he see's me he makes it last the week). He was coming up with a friend on Monday and they both stayed at mine and spent the whole day together on Tuesday and stayed at mine again. My friend asked to go out last week so because I knew that he was definitely coming up Monday and Tuesday I just (not thinking) picked Wednesday to go out, as it's also my day off uni too. I told him quite late last night (again, not thinking) as I was trying to avoid an argument. He had a go at me saying I should have told him earlier and he would have gone home with his friend (although I was free that night to see him..) and picked Monday/tuesday to go out as he was seeing his friend and that he's not coming up the rest of the week now because he's spending too much money to see me anyway (although he was going to spend it at the start of the week..and going home for one day and coming up the following thursday would actually have been cheaper). He says he's paying too much for me to just see him and not see him when I want.

 

I don't even want to go out anymore. After all the arguing it always sucks the fun out of it for me. I feel like he passively punishes me whenever I see her but I also think some of his points make sense. Am I in the wrong here?

[d0nnivain]

I'm concerned about the fact that he does seem to be punishing you. Since its complicated for him to come to you, it may be better if when he's there you focus on him & go out with the friend on the weeks he is home.

[Frank2thepoint]

Sounds like you have a controlling boyfriend that wants you to fit into his ideals, such as who to see and and what music to listen to. To boot, he verbally abuses you. Yes, calling you a "horrible, different person" is verbal abuse. He is not passively punishing you, but actively doing it without you completely realizing it. But, you are wrong here. You are wrong for remaining in the relationship, or at least, not standing up to him, exert your boundaries, and telling him to treat you better or he needs to get the f*ck out.