Xidion Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 My gf of 1 year and 8 months dumped me 17 days ago. I have another thread on details, but that's not what this post is about. I went no contact the day after it happened. But since then I have broken it. The longest period of NC since the 17 days has been about 4 days. She initiated once, but it was about being taken off of the lease, which she has said nothing more about since. We got into a short texting battle and she ended up saying "You know what. good bye". She still has some clothes and a crock pot here that she doesn't seem very willing to come get. Today is the first day of another NC start. She blocked me on facebook for a week then unblocked me. So I keep being tempted to look at her page. I still think about her and the situation 85% of my day. I guess I just need support in my day to day process to help me get through this and not break no contact.
Strength in Healing Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Healing is the destination to which you want to run to. Staying no contact and not looking at social media is how to run straight there. Breaking NC/looking at social media is like running on a treadmill, staring at the destination that you will never reach. 1
Author Xidion Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Deep down I know that it is prolonging my recovery. Sometimes I just can't help myself. I never got any closure. I'm struggling with the feelings of loneliness. It was the sort of relationship at the end where I was putting everything I had into it to make her happy but she gave nothing back. 1
andilyn1 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 (edited) I feel you on this. I'm also struggling with NC and thinking about him...a lot. The past couple of days have been really bad for me. I've had several moments of wanting to break the NC, but I have literally had to force myself to get up and do something, anything...just something to distract me long enough from my phone and the urge to call him or text him. My house seriously has never been so clean lol because I have been doing everything I can to stay busy when those weak moments come over me. So I clean. And clean. And clean. Just try and find something you can refocus on when you have the feelings of wanting to reach out to her, or to look at her facebook page. You're exactly right when you say you know it will just prolong your recovery and healing. It's good that you realize that. Now it's time to fight those urges! Take it one day at a time. Hell take it one hour at a time if you have to. That's what I'm doing. I promise you it will get easier. And you will reach a point where the urges to contact her aren't as often or as strong. Just going to take some time. Hang in there though. I definitely know how you're feeling. Edited November 19, 2014 by andilyn1 2
Author Xidion Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Thank you for the encouragement andilyn. I've been working out and doing my best at keeping distracted. It's those times late at night when I'm home by myself that I have a moment of weakness. That's why I turned to this website. I just need to stay wtrong and know that the longer I go complete NC, the faster this will be over with.
acf01 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 It's going to make you a lot more stable and stronger to remove as many things as you can that remind you of her, including access to social media!! I'm about 3.5 weeks into my NC and I have contacted a friend of hers today (to find out some shocking news, about my ex's engagement...) but it's kept me from needing to contact her. It doesn't help me stop thinking about her and I still wonder many things, but it means I only get about 2-3 days a week where I get really down about it.
jbear0111 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Xidion, i feel your pain.Today is my 7th day no contact,8 weeks post bu after she walked out of a 2.5 year relationship.Painfully i also found out yesterday that she seeing another man. My instinct was to get in touch(even if i could as she seems to have blocked me on every form of communication) and ask her how could she be with someone else so soon when im still working through it and feeling crap. I didnt contact her and i wont because its not about her anymore,its about me and getting my self worth back.People on here inspire me as i know they have been and are going through the same and their advice helps me along my path of where i want to be yes i miss her and think of her every day but that seems to be diminishing over time.i have good and bad days but my determination to overcome this spurs me on. good luck and be strong even it goes against everything you want to do right now 1
guest569 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 (edited) I feel for you.. Soon after my breakup i deactivated Facebook and blocked my ex. This really helped me, I hope it will help you too. It just made it more hassle to do a quick checkup so i didn't bother logging on/reactivating. But i must say..It's been about 11 months since the breakup now and I have unblocked him and check now and then. Not good. But it does get so much easier and the temptation rarely arises. I made contact a few months ago (after about 5 months NC) but it wasn't so bad and i haven't felt tempted since. Stay strong and best of luck. We are here for you. Edited November 19, 2014 by smiley1 1
RedButton Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 One thing I think might be helpful is doing the hard things very early on. Take down pictures, gifts or any other items that might make you remember or feel sad in the first day or soon as you can. You're already feeling terrible and sad so do all the hard stuff first when it'll make the least difference. Unfriend on facebook, move photos from your phone onto a folder on your PC etc. That way in a week or more when you just want to go about your day and not think about it, it's less likely something will pop up and remind you. When you get better you can pull it out of the closet or take the photos from the folder etc. Just bear in mind you'll have good days and bad days. In week 2 I was feeling like I was pretty much over it, then some days in week 3 I was feeling really down and depressed. Then you get better again. Enjoy the good days, but brace yourself for bad. Talking and writing about it really helps in my mind too. 2
Author Xidion Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 Day 2 of no contact. I managed to get hough the day so far without texting her. I had to fight the urge to say something like, "have a good day". I had a dream last night about her leaving me in a different fashion. 2
Familia Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 I am also resisting all urges to contact after three weeks, I have my ups and downs although sometimes I just feel so overpowered to just send an email or text message. I hate this time as all you can do is think about the goods times and never the bad, its so overpowering thinking about the good times and just wanting everything to be back how it was. Its hard I feel your pain 2
Satu Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 NC is hard, but it gets easier. Take it one day at a time. Your happiest days are ahead of you.
Author Xidion Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 (edited) An update. This will be day 3 of no contact. I woke up feeling some serious anxiety. I had a dream about her again. In the dream I was begging her to take me back. When I woke up I had an extreme urge to contact her but did not do so. Getting through today may be harder than yesterday. Thanks for all your support so far. Edited November 20, 2014 by Xidion
RedButton Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 An update. This will be day 3 of no contact. I woke up feeling some serious anxiety. I had a dream about her again. In the dream I was begging her to take me back. When I woke up I had an extreme urge to contact her but did not do so. Getting through today may be harder than yesterday. Thanks for all your support so far. I know how you feel, the third day for me was the hardest, I was a complete wreck. Just hold the line and take pride in being strong about it. One thing to bear in mind is, there isn't a need to panic. The world isn't going to end tomorrow. Think about reasons why you want to contact her, and then think about the benefits of waiting until you have a clear mind. You'll see you're better off giving yourself that time. You'll realise you may not want to contact her at all after a little time! Either way, right now you need to just be safe in the knowledge that you can and should wait until you have a clear head. The dreams make it hard, I've had one or two since the breakup, they make you feel miserable in the morning. Try to do something you enjoy to take your mind off things. Dreams are just warped memories that your brain is filing through the night, it's normal to have dreams when you think about it so much. 1
Chi townD Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Dude, you are a crackhead, pothead, Alcoholic and speedfreak! At least, that's how you have to look at this. And your Ex is the drug. You are going through withdrawl symptoms that are NO DIFFERENT than a drug user trying to get clean and sober. And you're looking for any excuse to get at least one more hit (breaking NC). You are feeling anxious, like you're about ready to come out of your skin, you have dreams about her (the drug) and the drug is on your mind pretty much all throughout your day. The treatment for this is NO DIFFERENT than someone trying to get clean. You take it one day at a time. Just make it through today without contacting her. Who knows, tomorrow might be easier for you. Just make it through today. 1
Author Xidion Posted November 21, 2014 Author Posted November 21, 2014 I made it to day 4 of No Contact. I have to admit... it hasn't been full blown no contact. I have not contacted her in anyway.. but I have given into the temptation of looking at her facebook and instagram. I don't know Why I do it.. I also had another dream about her last night. That makes 5 days in a row that I've have a dream about her. Maybe if I stop e-stalking her the dreams will stop 1
Recommended Posts