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I don't know if he likes me, he's shy, how come he hasn't kiss me etc.

somedude81

By somedude81
in General Relationship Discussion

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I suspect that this whole thread is really just a way of saying, "women, stop complaining about dating."

 

Absolutely not.

 

How the hell did you even come to that conclusion?

 

This thread is about how people keep saying that confidence is the most important thing when it comes to attraction and yet there are always threads about women who are interested in men who very insecure.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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What you aren't understanding is that the same thing happens to girls that happens to YOU, we can like a guy who is not into us.

 

Yeah, that is a concept that I don't really understand. It's hard for me to imagine a girl really being into a guy who doesn't like her back, unless there was something really off about her looks or personality.

 

Also of course we can get a big crush on a shy unconfident guy!

 

Yup I can see that. I just don't know why it happens. Because of everything told to men, it shouldn't happen. Men who insecure should send women running for the hills. But that is not the case.

 

The thing is if this isn't happening for YOU then your confidence is something you can work on and improve unlike your height or your face or whatever! It will help YOU get what you want out of your life not necessarily be the magic trick to make girls like you.

 

I know that being more confident can help me. But I was getting frustrated that people keep saying that it's the number one thing. Yes I know that confidence is attractive to women, but it is still possible for a woman to be attracted to a guy who isn't oozing confidence.

Anela Established Member

Anela

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I know that being more confident can help me. But I was getting frustrated that people keep saying that it's the number one thing. Yes I know that confidence is attractive to women, but it is still possible for a woman to be attracted to a guy who isn't oozing confidence.

 

The attraction probably won't last, if they're posting complaints about it. And like others have said here, he might be confident, and just not interested - the girls might not have the self-esteem to see that, and walk away (right away).

ASG Established Member

ASG

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Yeah, that is a concept that I don't really understand. It's hard for me to imagine a girl really being into a guy who doesn't like her back, unless there was something really off about her looks or personality.

 

.

 

But it happens every day. I've lost track of the amount of times I was rejected by guys I was interested in.

 

Because, contrary to what YOU think, men don't just want a girl who is somewhat cute and has a "nice personality" (whatever that means). They want more specific things.

 

Like I said before... men are anything BUT simple and it really shows you don't know many men when you say these things. Especially when people here have drummed these concepts over and over and over on your threads

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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Why do those threads exist? I dont know.

 

A man can be very manly and nkt try to grope, kiss, or sex a woman in a heartbeat. A really masculine man doesnt have to prove it by trying to bed a woman asap.

 

 

Exactly this....

 

I mean, who knows the circumstances? In that other thread, the guy could be thinking any number of things....No one knows whats going on in his head..At the same time, if she though "all the planets aligned", then why didnt she make a move...Heck, Ive had women make a first move on me quite often..And Id never be accused of lacking of confidence...:laugh:

 

But I get tired of the women that think that any guy will just put his dick in anything.:rolleyes:..NOT true.....In fact, the more confident, masculine, desireable, experienced a guy is the less inclined he is going to be the type that does this...Its all "old hat" to him..Been ther done it, got the shirt, blah, blah....He can choose to be selective..You might be more inclined to get the feely grabby, aggressive type with the inexperienced one's....Its like dropping a piece of meat on a starving dog...It could be month old, moldy hamburger.....in that case, he's going for it...

 

TFY

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ASG Established Member

ASG

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The attraction probably won't last, if they're posting complaints about it. And like others have said here, he might be confident, and just not interested - the girls might not have the self-esteem to see that, and walk away (right away).

 

Hmm yeah! All the times I wondered the same thing, it wasn't because the guy didn't have confidence... he just wasn't into me. And yes, I have slept in the same bed as guys who did nothing (and I so wanted them to!). And it's not that they didn't have confidence... they just didn't want to get physical with me. At all. I accepted that and moved on.

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sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

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Yes I know that confidence is attractive to women, but it is still possible for a woman to be attracted to a guy who isn't oozing confidence.

 

Thinking back to when this sort of thing happened to me, I was in high school and maybe my first year of college. The shy guys I liked were guys who were quite talented and accomplished for their age but who were quiet and awkward about it and who didn't feel comfortable being too forward with other people, especially women. They weren't very self-assured even though they had reason to be. So they had a lot going for them but were just more introverted and hadn't yet developed all the skills they needed to navigate social situations. They underestimated themselves and their self-worth. But there was definitely something there, and you could see that if you could get them to come out of their shell a little bit.

 

The ones I've kept in touch with eventually grew out of it. They don't feel awkward or embarrassed by who they are anymore. They now understand their own self-worth and can communicate with people more easily, showing them who they are. So, yeah, they still had women attracted to them when they were 17 and super awkward, but they had other things going for them and are doing a lot better now that they can stand on their own two feet and take some pride in who they are without wilting like a violet at the slightest hint of attention.

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rester Established Member

rester

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In my personal experience, being a shy guy throughout my teens and 20s, I lost out on chances with women when my confidence was low. I've always been confident and excelled in some areas of my life, such as career, making friends, and playing music, but when I was younger I had very little confidence with women, and looking back, there were many lost opportunities because I wasn't confident enough to just go for it and instead held back and didn't ask them out or otherwise show my interest. I kept them at a friend or acquaintance level because I was scared of rejection.

 

Once I got into my 30s and worked on that fear of rejection, things got much better for me.

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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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Why do threads like those exist?

 

Men are constantly being told that women only want men who are strong, confident, manly men. So how come women are posting about their infatuations about guys who have slept next to them and didn't try anything at all? That doesn't sound like a confident guy who takes what he wants.

 

Something isn't adding up.

 

Nothing can go for everyone.

 

What many women may like doesn't mean all women like it. Likewise, it's possible for a woman to be attracted to all types of men.

 

A confident man to me is one in control of himself, who isn't overtly insecure, who has good self esteem, who values himself and acts like it. It doesn't mean he is cocky, arrogant or pushy.

 

One guy I dated, who was a very confident guy, we hung out for a long time before he ever made any kind of move. It was sort of weird at first, but he didn't act awkward, he was just very respectful. I started to think maybe he just saw me as a friend but it didn't make sense since he'd go out of his way to see me and how he looked at me I could tell he was attracted. One day he finally made a move though when we were hugging to say goodbye and he just went for the kiss and we never looked back. I said "Finally" and he laughed a bit and we talked about it later and he said he liked me, he wanted to rip my clothes off since the first day we met, but he also said he isn't a virgin and it's not like he's never had sex before, so though he liked me he wanted to be respectful and show me that he wasn't in it for sex. I appreciated it, the wait also made things a lot more exciting because of the build up. But point is: being confident doesn't mean you are pushy. I think quiet confidence is different from just weird and awkward. This guy was a stoic, quiet, contemplative guy but his masculine energy was very strong and he was confident without having to be pushy.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Maybe it's not that these guys don't have confidence but are not so thirsty or desperate for sex that they have bang any woman who lays next to them. Maybe he's just not interested in having sex with her. Just because he doesn't want sex with one woman doesn't mean he lacks confidence but probably that he has alot of choices.

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acapelo_dp Established Member

acapelo_dp

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But it happens every day. I've lost track of the amount of times I was rejected by guys I was interested in.

 

Because, contrary to what YOU think, men don't just want a girl who is somewhat cute and has a "nice personality" (whatever that means). They want more specific things.

 

Like I said before... men are anything BUT simple and it really shows you don't know many men when you say these things. Especially when people here have drummed these concepts over and over and over on your threads

 

Exactly. I've been rejected by guys I have been interested in and I am not unattractive or have a bad personality by any means. Not every cute girl with a "nice" personality has every guy she likes wanting to date her. That isn't how it works, despite what you think. Also there have been guys I have found cute and had nice personalities who I didn't want to date and had no sexual attraction to. They became my good friends instead.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Yup I can see that. I just don't know why it happens. Because of everything told to men, it shouldn't happen. Men who insecure should send women running for the hills. But that is not the case.

 

 

 

I know that being more confident can help me. But I was getting frustrated that people keep saying that it's the number one thing. Yes I know that confidence is attractive to women, but it is still possible for a woman to be attracted to a guy who isn't oozing confidence.

 

Maybe he's physically very appealing. That works, too.

 

But for the masses, confidence is the best bet.

  • Like 1
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
Why do threads like those exist?

 

Men are constantly being told that women only want men who are strong, confident, manly men. So how come women are posting about their infatuations about guys who have slept next to them and didn't try anything at all? That doesn't sound like a confident guy who takes what he wants.

 

Something isn't adding up.

 

 

In my experience it's been because he has been wanting to see clear indications of interest from me before jumping in too soon.

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OwMyEyeball Established Member

OwMyEyeball

Posted
Posted
In my personal experience, being a shy guy throughout my teens and 20s, I lost out on chances with women when my confidence was low. I've always been confident and excelled in some areas of my life, such as career, making friends, and playing music, but when I was younger I had very little confidence with women, and looking back, there were many lost opportunities because I wasn't confident enough to just go for it and instead held back and didn't ask them out or otherwise show my interest. I kept them at a friend or acquaintance level because I was scared of rejection.

 

Once I got into my 30s and worked on that fear of rejection, things got much better for me.

I echo this sentiment. I was, and to some extent still am, one of those guys who had high confidence in some areas of life but suffered paralyzing anxiety around sexually interested women. I had no idea what to do with my sexuality and had a persistent sense of inadequacy; I would convince myself that a woman's interest was non-sexual even when she would make her intentions undeniably clear. At that point I would assume that she's playing some kind of game with me.

 

I was at one point that guy who lay in bed next to a woman I also fancied but didn't make a move. Naturally she lost interest and moved on rather quickly from there. Others were more persistent, including one girl in high school who spent months trying to get with me. She also eventually lost interest, but went a step further and became increasingly cold and hostile towards me.

 

Looking back now it all seems rather comical. I can't help but laugh at myself.

 

Anyhow, I had some pretty solid confidence in other aspects of my life that probably helped in making me an alluring prospect for some women. There are other qualities as well ... it's not as if there's this one magical silver bullet trait that all people should aspire towards when attracting the opposite sex. It's a big mixture and anyone who obsesses on one ingredient is doomed to miss out on the grander experience.

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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
Exactly this....

 

I mean, who knows the circumstances? In that other thread, the guy could be thinking any number of things....No one knows whats going on in his head..At the same time, if she though "all the planets aligned", then why didnt she make a move...Heck, Ive had women make a first move on me quite often..And Id never be accused of lacking of confidence...:laugh:

 

But I get tired of the women that think that any guy will just put his dick in anything.:rolleyes:..NOT true.....In fact, the more confident, masculine, desireable, experienced a guy is the less inclined he is going to be the type that does this...Its all "old hat" to him..Been ther done it, got the shirt, blah, blah....He can choose to be selective..You might be more inclined to get the feely grabby, aggressive type with the inexperienced one's....Its like dropping a piece of meat on a starving dog...It could be month old, moldy hamburger.....in that case, he's going for it...

 

TFY

 

Ditto.

 

That was pretty much the sentiments of that guy I talked about and also men I know who aren't desperate.

 

Acting like some sex-obsessed or sex-starved teen doesn't make you seem confident at all. It makes you seem like you've never had sex or very rarely ever touch a woman so the minute you get a chance you're over eager.

  • Like 1
Badsingularity Established Member

Badsingularity

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Posted

I post the confidence and strength advice all the time.

 

Why because I understand how to attract women and i want to help other guys who are having a hard time doing so turn there situation around.

 

Unfortunately it seems it's just too hard for some to accept or grasp.

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