I don't know if he likes me, he's shy, how come he hasn't kiss me etc.

[somedude81]

Why do threads like those exist?

 

Men are constantly being told that women only want men who are strong, confident, manly men. So how come women are posting about their infatuations about guys who have slept next to them and didn't try anything at all? That doesn't sound like a confident guy who takes what he wants.

 

Something isn't adding up.

[normal person]

A lot of times when people are younger and still finding their bearings with relationships, they'll deal with this stuff and try to figure it out. When you're younger there's a heightened sense of importance on it because you don't have the life experience to give yourself perspective on it.

 

Usually around the mid 20s, people have developed a good handle on these sort of problems and if a potential partner acts like this, they simply don't bother with the person rather than try and decipher the actions or inactions.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Why do threads like those exist?

 

Men are constantly being told that women only want men who are strong, confident, manly men. So how come women are posting about their infatuations about guys who have slept next to them and didn't try anything at all? That doesn't sound like a confident guy who takes what he wants.

 

Something isn't adding up.

 

Ha, I just saw that thread and thought about how ironic it was since just a few days ago a girl slept next to a guy who made a move on her and she was freaked out.

 

That's the problem with generalizations. The idea that "women only want" anything is absurd since women want all manner of things. Women only want tall guys yet you see women who can count the number of men she's dated over 5'7 ON ONE HAND. Women only want hot guys with good jobs or high social status yet you see women who will break their necks chasing an unemployed loser who lives in his parent's basement.

 

We hear the same things about men. Every day there's someone talking about how men only want women who don't sleep around yet we see guys here pining after their slutty ex who cheated or screwed half her campus. Men only want women who treat them with respect and don't play games yet how many guys chase condescending, bitchy, wishy-washy girls who try to make them jealous at every turn?

 

That "something" that's not adding up is called the reality of attraction, which quite often doesn't align with these so-called lists and rules and "onlys" that some people love to tout. Naturally, this is why I take practically everything anyone says on here with a grain of salt.

[Standard-Fare]

But don't you notice that the women are posting about these scenarios because they're confused/frustrated? No one's being like "It's awesome that this passive guy won't kiss me." They all seem just on the verge of giving up.

[somedude81]

A lot of times when people are younger and still finding their bearings with relationships, they'll deal with this stuff and try to figure it out. When you're younger there's a heightened sense of importance on it because you don't have the life experience to give yourself perspective on it.

 

Usually around the mid 20s, people have developed a good handle on these sort of problems and if a potential partner acts like this, they simply don't bother with the person rather than try and decipher the actions or inactions.

 

So then it's just something that young women do? Even then, most dating advice is geared towards attracting young women and that always says that confidence is king.

 

Obviously it's not because women are demonstrating their attraction to very insecure men.

[normal person]

So then it's just something that young women do? Even then, most dating advice is geared towards attracting young women and that always says that confidence is king.

 

Obviously it's not because women are demonstrating their attraction to very insecure men.

 

Men do it too. It's part of the learning process. Although as someone said above, it's usually pretty frustrating and the people are on the verge of giving up. There are a lot of shades of grey to this stuff.

[somedude81]

Ha, I just saw that thread and thought about how ironic it was since just a few days ago a girl slept next to a guy who made a move on her and she was freaked out.

 

I like browsing threads through the "New Posts" button and it was crazy seeing those two threads right next to each other. One woman is freaking out that a guy did nothing to her while she was sleeping. Another was freaking out that a guy fingered her. I guess that means that the best thing to do is go for something in the middle, like a boob grab

 

That's the problem with generalizations. The idea that "women only want" anything is absurd since women want all manner of things. Women only want tall guys yet you see women who can count the number of men she's dated over 5'7 ON ONE HAND. Women only want hot guys with good jobs or high social status yet you see women who will break their necks chasing an unemployed loser who lives in his parent's basement.

 

We hear the same things about men. Every day there's someone talking about how men only want women who don't sleep around yet we see guys here pining after their slutty ex who cheated or screwed half her campus. Men only want women who treat them with respect and don't play games yet how many guys chase condescending, bitchy, wishy-washy girls who try to make them jealous at every turn?

 

That "something" that's not adding up is called the reality of attraction, which quite often doesn't align with these so-called lists and rules and "onlys" that some people love to tout. Naturally, this is why I take practically everything anyone says on here with a grain of salt.

 

So in the end, attraction don't make no sense!

 

Everybody is different and it's hard to give advice.

[somedude81]

But don't you notice that the women are posting about these scenarios because they're confused/frustrated? No one's being like "It's awesome that this passive guy won't kiss me." They all seem just on the verge of giving up.

 

Of course it's not awesome to them.

 

But the fact that they are frustrated enough to actually post a thread is what confuses me.

 

From what I've been told, a woman shouldn't even give a damn that a guy she went on a fifth date with hasn't tried to kiss her. That man reeks of insecurity so he shouldn't have even gotten a first date.

[Divasu]

So in the end, attraction don't make no sense!

 

Everybody is different and it's hard to give advice.

 

I noted that before in your thread but you failed to listen my dear.

[somedude81]

I noted that before in your thread but you failed to listen my dear.

 

Listening is hard when one has strong preconceptions and a personal stake.

 

Still, some things are getting through.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

But don't you notice that the women are posting about these scenarios because they're confused/frustrated? No one's being like "It's awesome that this passive guy won't kiss me." They all seem just on the verge of giving up.

 

Fair point, but they still care enough to stress/seek advice about it. If the theory that women only want strong/confident men was as true as many say, these threads would not exist simply because those women would've summarily dismissed/rejected those wimpy men without a second thought.

[Anela]

Maybe they show confidence in other parts of their lives, so they're surprised by the inaction or shyness when it comes to romance?

[Standard-Fare]

Fair point, but they still care enough to stress/seek advice about it. If the theory that women only want strong/confident men was as true as many say, these threads would not exist simply because those women would've summarily dismissed/rejected those wimpy men without a second thought.

 

This is a site where people come to overanalyze stuff. So you're seeing more shades to the process of rejection than you normally would.

 

Also, many of these women are usually acknowledging they're in less-than-ideal scenarios, that they're putting up with for whatever reasons. I'd have to guess the majority of them would ABSOLUTELY prefer a man who takes charge/shows confidence, if that option would present itself. Instead they're sifting through other weird situations that come forward.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't think "confidence is king" but if a guy is struggling it is really good advise that he work on his confidence, it can only help. It's a step in the right direction.

[Divasu]

Listening is hard when one has strong preconceptions and a personal stake.

 

Still, some things are getting through.

 

Good good.

 

You deserve happiness.

[Els]

Well, obviously 'women' aren't a hive mind who all only want one particular thing.

 

That being said, I don't see why you are equating confidence and strength and manliness to a man trying to have sex with his drunk friend who is sleeping over at his house (or in this case, vice versa). IMO the woman in that particular thread isn't exactly certain about what she herself wants either, and her friend was only doing the respectful thing.

[Mr Scorpio]

I guess that means that the best thing to do is go for something in the middle, like a boob grab

 

Survey says..

[Divasu]

Survey says..

 

Better Call Saul!!

[hotpotato]

Why do those threads exist? I dont know.

 

A man can be very manly and nkt try to grope, kiss, or sex a woman in a heartbeat. A really masculine man doesnt have to prove it by trying to bed a woman asap.

[xxoo]

Why do threads like those exist?

 

Men are constantly being told that women only want men who are strong, confident, manly men. So how come women are posting about their infatuations about guys who have slept next to them and didn't try anything at all? That doesn't sound like a confident guy who takes what he wants.

 

Something isn't adding up.

 

Strong, confident, manly men sometimes aren't interested. Attraction isn't always mutual. Also, they don't take advantage of drunk women.

 

Another possibility, as anela said, is that he is confident and sexy in other areas, but lacks confidence in romance. Or he isn't confident at all, but is attractivefor other reasons. In these two cases, though, the lack of confidence can lessen attraction as she gets to know him. Confidence is always a plus.

[d0nnivain]

Those threads are made by women who wish these guys were more confident. Again, there's a difference between confident & cocky. A good relationship prospect of either gender is someone with a good sense of self. You have to know who you are as an individual before you try to become 1/2 of a couple.

[sillyanswer]

So in the end, attraction don't make no sense!

 

Everybody is different and it's hard to give advice.

 

These particular pieces of advice have been given many many times (sometimes even to you) so I'm glad that you've taken this on board!

[somedude81]

Those threads are made by women who wish these guys were more confident. Again, there's a difference between confident & cocky. A good relationship prospect of either gender is someone with a good sense of self. You have to know who you are as an individual before you try to become 1/2 of a couple.

 

Yes, they wish the man was more confident. But they still became very interested in a man who was definitely not confident.

 

I don't know how sense of self plays in when a girl is on the fifth date with a guy and he hasn't tried to kiss her yet.

[Rejected Rosebud]

What you aren't understanding is that the same thing happens to girls that happens to YOU, we can like a guy who is not into us. Also of course we can get a big crush on a shy unconfident guy! The thing is if this isn't happening for YOU then your confidence is something you can work on and improve unlike your height or your face or whatever! It will help YOU get what you want out of your life not necessarily be the magic trick to make girls like you.

[serial muse]

What you aren't understanding is that the same thing happens to girls that happens to YOU, we can like a guy who is not into us.

 

The thing about this is that SD lacks empathy for women in any of these situations, so it's not going to make sense to him.

 

I suspect that this whole thread is really just a way of saying, "women, stop complaining about dating."