Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I recently started talking to my childhood crush. Our families were friends growing up and we shared our first kiss when our sisters pushed our heads together when we were 6. 19 years later, we recently got back in touch. We've been in school together until we graduated high school, but never really talked at all. I always knew he was a good kid- smart, good head on his shoulders, respectful and hilarious: my kind of combination. We started chatting on facebook one day and he asked me out for a drink this past Halloween night. He came in and talked to my parents and was such a gentleman. Opened the car door for me and paid and everything. We had great conversation and afterwards, he texted me and asked if he could see me two days later, and we went out for a drink again. We are instantly clicking and we have both said that we really like where this is going. He lives an hour away still finishing grad school, and still makes it a point to come down here to see me which means a lot. We have been on 5 dates now and every time he leaves me, he texts me telling me how much fun he had and how much he enjoys being with me. He gets super mushy over texts and says things like, 'I cant wait to see you! I just want to scoop you up and smooch you all over!' And of course it makes me melt, but HE DOESN'T DO ANY OF THAT IN PERSON! He texts me and tells me he wants to cuddle and can't wait to kiss me, ect ect.. and then in person, I guess he must be nervous, but he just kinda keeps it very.. UN-MUSHY. He jokes a lot and loves to laugh. I feel like he can't get serious for two seconds to set the mood and kiss me. A few days ago, I asked if he'd like to hang out, and I figured I'd invite him over to watch a movie. I was almost positive he'd kiss me.. I poured us a glass of wine and we sat on the couch and just relaxed. When it was time for him to go, I walked him to the door, and he just hugged me. I felt hurt for some reason. Why wouldn't he try to kiss me? That night when he got home, he texted me saying what a great time he had with him and then said, "I wanted to kiss you so bad.. I just felt like whispering in your foyer lacked a little romance for our first kiss.." The next time we hung out, last night, he asked me to dinner. We met there since it was in the middle, and I figured if he wasn't gonna kiss me in my unromantic foyer, what makes me think he'd kiss me in the restaurant or in the parking lot? My assumptions were right. No kiss. What gives? I feel like I have to get a couple drinks in him or something for him to let loose and just do it. And no, I am definitely not making the first move!
Standard-Fare Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Wow. Painful. It's also very confusing (and weird) that he's being bold and gushing in the texts, while his real-life behavior is so meek. Honestly, for me, this would be enough of a turnoff that I'd lose interest. But it sounds like you're into this guy, and you have a history, so ... if you want stuff to happen, you'll have to make the first move yourself. I know you said you didn't want to, but you probably need to get over that and just break the f*cking ice here. He's obviously not comfortable doing it himself.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Update: He just texted me and said, "You're so cute. I just wanna swing you around and smooch your face" Yeah that's cute and all, but why the heck isn't he putting the action to his words??? It's almost irritating at this point. I just replied, "Do it you won't."
Standard-Fare Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Can I ask how old you guys are? Also, any possibility he's gay? Something about the phrasings he's using in the texts, like "smooch" and stuff, is setting off that alarm for me. (That's not an insult to gay men, just a gut-instinct observation.)
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 No he's definitely not gay lol. He's just being silly and uses funny words like that. So do I. We are both 25.
Standard-Fare Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I have to guess he's a virgin. Maybe he hasn't even kissed anyone before. His discomfort with this goes beyond a normal level.
JoshD Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I feel bad for you..... What Standard-Fare said he possibly might be a virgin and just doesn't know how to kiss you lol. Just hearing that story hurts my manhood already but yah you'll have to take control of this relationship if you want it to progress.
Gloria25 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Why does a guy treating a woman like a gentleman has to be him being gay, a virgin, or has intimacy issues? The guy is only 25, lives an hour away, and is going to school. If he has sex with her, what would be the purpose of this RL? He is busy trying to get himself together and lives a bit away. When he's done with college, he might move away. Since they live at a distance, that is also an issue with them dating on the regular. Maybe he just wants female company? An older lady I worked with told me that some men are like that. They might not be looking for a full-blown RL (cuz for whatever reason), but they want a female to do things with. Shoot, some men pay escorts and/or prostitutes to just "go out" with them w/o sex taking place. I say you should probably ask him "Where is this going?". I mean, you said you both "like where this is going", so I'm just wondering what "going" is for the both of you two? 1
angel.eyes Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 It's fine not to make the first move. I don't either. BUT...are you giving him clear signals that you would welcome him kissing you? Are you encouraging him to proceed when you next meet after he makes comments that he really wanted to kiss you? Dating is a bit like salsa dancing IMO, both partners need to participate even though the guy may lead. How are you conveying your interest in having things progress?
Chemist Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I would simple send a message, something along the lines to his next kiss message.. 'I'd like that...', 'Do it already then', or 'I'm getting tired of waiting for it'... He seems like he has confidence to tell you, but not to do it.
Standard-Fare Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Why does a guy treating a woman like a gentleman has to be him being gay, a virgin, or has intimacy issues? Something is definitely up. 25 is a grown man. He has a girl who is obviously interested in him, they've been on five dates, and he hasn't made any sort of move -- yet his bolder alter ego gushes about it via text. You can't tell me that's not weird. OP, if you're insistent on not making the first move, you should at least bring him right to the point where he has to act. Like, get in close to him, touch his thigh, and...when he inevitably does nothing... bring your lips right up toward his and pause there. And if he turns you down with something like that, then this is a lost cause!
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Men understand action. He's obviously into you even if he's a bit awkward about the kissing. You need to make the 1st move. It doesn't have to be a full on make out session but pull back from the next hug & gently kiss him.
Recommended Posts