MindKandy Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 I don't know what my ex wants from me. I can't decide if he's just using me, trying to have his cake and eat it, or if he loves me but he doesn't want me to go. He won't leave me alone, even after I've told him that I don't want to talk to him. We've been doing this on-off thing for almost two years. We were together for four months before he broke up with me the first time. Said that he had fallen out of love with me. SHocked the hell out of me, because this guy who pushed and tried so hard to make me fall for him, fell out of love with me. I went out with friends, tried to have a life and tried to win him back. It worked about two weeks later, and we got back together. But than two weeks afterwards, he broke up with me again, because he wasn't sure he could trust me, after hearing rumors from his friend about me flirting with other guys. (His friend, Ronnie and I worked together, and she has been dating his twin brother for years.) I did the same thing as before and went out with friends, tried to rub it in his face the things I was doing. Anything and everything to bug him. Well, he decided that he still wanted me around, and we were going out with each other but not offically together. Yeah, still had sex and everything. Well, two months into doing all of that, he went to the hospital and was there for about a week. During that time, I went to see him every single day. Even met his ex-gf when she came to visit. He said he wanted to get back with me, and I find out that he had kissed his ex. He said that was all that happened, but I knew better. I didn't want him around because of that, but he tried to get back with me. A month later, we got back together. Because I loved him and wanted to be with him. I forgave him for it. We were happy, I went with him and his family to Mexico to visit his relatives and everything. Well, last May he decided that he was going to join the Marines with his brother, and I was scared. I didn't want him to because I didn't want him to leave, but nothing could change his mind, so I accepted it. We talked about getting married, but than decided against it. We spent our birthdays together, since their three days apart. And than last August, he broke up with me. Said that he had fallen out of love with me. Had hoped that it would come back, but it hadn't. I couldn't believe it because he had promised me that he wouldn't do that to me again. Before he had started distancing himself away, he said because he was trying to get used to it, since he was going to boot camp in October. The day that we broke up, we had sex. One last screw for the road, I guess. We kept in contact, we worked together, and part of me really wanted to get back with him. I hoped that something would matter to him. But just before he left, we fought alot about things, and in that last week that he was home, he didn't see me. It devestated me. In the next three months, we kept in contact. I had a friend who'd been in the military who said that I was the person that he was thinking about while he was in bootcamp. You know, the girl at home. Writing to him, keeping faith in him. I wanted to do the right thing, I wanted to show him that I was still there for him. With some bad things that had happened, I realized that I shouldn't not do something because I was scared about how he would feel. So yeah, I still told him that I loved him. Not that he said much in his letters, though. He called me right before Xmas, and I told him that I loved him right before we hung up. And told him that I was going to be there in January when he graduated. And I was, I went to Cali with his mother, sister, and his brother's girlfriend (who's like my best friend now). I was distant at first, you know, since he was like, I just want to be friends, yada yada. But he still wanted to sleep with me. And I believed that deep down, he had to still love me. Well, we came home, we saw each other regularly, had sex with each other, had fights because sometimes he said he would call or pick me up and than would just blow it off. Right before he left, we had this huge fight, and he said that he was hurting me more than he realized, and if I wanted him to leave me alone, he would. All I had to do was say it. Well, I couldn't say it, because I'm a dumb ass. I was there the day he and his brother left. Went back to Cali for more training. Before he left, he gave me some pics of himself in his uniform, this 5'7' pic and a smaller one. I didn't know why he gave me the big one, since he only had two of those. One was for his mom and he gave me the other. With his infantry training he'd only call a couple of times. I stayed distant, he called me on Valentine's Day at work, later that night also. After infantry training he and his brother were sent to North Carolina to train for school. He's been calling me regularly since he's been over there. Says he misses me, want to have sex with me and stuff. Doesn't want to be with me, claims he wants to be my friend. Well, the other night, I asked him if he only wants to be friends than why does he say that he wants to sleep with me? It's like saying that I'm only good enough to sleep with, but not have a relationship with. His response was "Sorry, I won't do it anymore." I was like, "Sorry doesn't always make it go away." I told him that I didn't want to talk to him, I told him to leave me alone for a few days. He said he was tired of me threatening him with that, and was like, fine, bye. Well, the next day, he called and left a message saying that we deserved each other, deserved to be friends, yada yada. It pissed me off because after everything that had happened, he was saying that to me? He even wrote me an email saying the same thing. Well, he called yesterday and I answered by accident, thinking it was my friend. I told him that I hadn't even thought about him in the days that passed because I'd been sick and had lots of family drama, and he wanted an answer if I was going to talk to him or not. I told him that I wasn't going to be given a deadline, by him or anyone. He was like, you're making me beg. You're making a Marine beg. That's how you have me, you know that? I know that I should just leave and get out of this situation. I mean, if he really does love me, than he'll finally realize it. He knows that I'm not the type to leave, run away from my problems, that I fight for the things I believe it. My friend Ronnie, who dates his twin brother and I were talking earlier, and she said that when she left him, he never fought for her. But my ex doesn't want to leave me alone. He won't let me leave. What the heck am I supposed to do? Why can't he just leave me alone? I'm also way too understanding of him, why he's the way he is. I don't know what to do anymore? I'm so confused because I love him so much, and I'm not thinking with the brains that God gave me. Oh, out of all the girls that he has dated, I'm the only one who hasn't screwed him over in some way. Even his so called best friend, Krystal screwed him over so badly that he refused to talk to her for almost two years.
Devildog Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 He wants sex. And you keep giving it to him. He doesn't even have to pretend there is a relationship with you. He treats you like dirt, you spread your legs. As long as you remain an easy booty call for him, he is going to keep jerking you around.
Author MindKandy Posted March 18, 2005 Author Posted March 18, 2005 Well, thanks for making me feel like a bit of a ho, Devildog. But sometimes it's refreshing to hear things that are so blunt and frank. So you're saying that he only wants sex from me, even though it's almost been two months since I've seen him. He calls me, I don't call him. He's the one that says he misses me, I don't say anything. He claims that I am the only person that he has ever tried so hard with. Why does he say that? Because he thinks that's what I want to hear?
Devildog Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 It isn't my intention to make you feel bad about yourself. But sometimes blunt honesty is the most effective method to wake people up. He will do what he has to do and say what he has to say to keep you around as his at home on leave booty call. How do you think he would react if the next time he is home you don't sleep with him? If you still hang out with him but he doesn't get any action? He doesn't see you as a relationship or a girlfriend. Has he done anything since he has been gone to show you that you mean more than just a sexual hook-up?
pseud Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Whatever this guy has been telling you has been working. You are putting up with the bull he flings, and I'm sure he keeps pressing because he is fairly sure he can get you back into the sack again. He must have been able to succeed in the past with these same tactics, otherwise he'd have found someone else to focus on. I will agree that being blunt is usually a good policy. You need to do what you want. Either you want to give him what he wants, non-committal sex, or you don't. If you want to try to be his friend, then you are going to have to be strong enough to just be his friend, and to be able to tell him "No sex", and mean it. You also need to consider whether or not you want to even deal with this guy anymore. Who cares if you are the only girl who never hurt him or screwed him over? So many people get hurt because one person wants to spare the feelings of another. It seems that you are not happy in this situation. If you are not happy, and you do not want to deal with him anymore, then you may want to tell him so. Life is not all happy smiley time. This guy has been hurt before, and he will be hurt again. If this situation is hurting you, you should do what is best for you. He's a big boy. He can deal with it.
theone44 Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Originally posted by MindKandy Well, thanks for making me feel like a bit of a ho, Devildog. But sometimes it's refreshing to hear things that are so blunt and frank. So you're saying that he only wants sex from me, even though it's almost been two months since I've seen him. He calls me, I don't call him. He's the one that says he misses me, I don't say anything. He claims that I am the only person that he has ever tried so hard with. Why does he say that? Because he thinks that's what I want to hear? That why so many women get abuse and dog out by guys,cuz some women just give up the booty to quickly..instead of waiting to see if the really love and want them.
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