goldbond Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I need a little bit of insight into shy men, I'm not used to this. There is a guy in my life who told me he was attracted to me about a month ago, I didn't respond and just looked at him because I was stoned and wasn't expecting it. I also got out of a pretty terrible relationship about 4-5 months ago I was still very much so healing/not open to any new connections. We hung out a few more times and would cuddle and you know, innocent things. I was definitely giving mixed signals (like the situation above) because I've been burned pretty bad and also wasn't sure how I felt. The weekend before last weekend I went to an event with him and we ended up drinking and making out (wow I feel like I'm in high school typing that!). We also ended up sleeping together, literally sleeping, but I rejected him for sex or anything more because I had a headache and I explained that to him. He asked me, 'is that the only reason why?' And I told him yes and that I was definitely attracted to him but I wasn't feeling well. When we split up the next day I told him I would see him soon and he looked almost bashful when I said it. I've texted him twice since then and he will respond immediately at first but then say nothing (the last one was me asking when he was free). I'm confused. I've decided just to leave it for now, but I'm like wtf? What changed? He agreed that he wanted to hang out again, now nothing. Normally with men I would drop it completely, but since I know he is shy/humble sort of man I am wondering if I should keep pursuing or not. And I know I was confusing a month ago, but I've decided I want to spend more time with him now. Insight?
Standard-Fare Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 So he just gave you total silence in the text conversation after you clearly suggested making plans? Or was the situation more vague than that? It doesn't sound like a great sign, but you've also given him a lot of hot and cold so it would make sense that he's wary. I guess you need to determine whether he's playing it cool and being cautious... OR if your mixed signals have caused him to lose interest. I know you don't want to put yourself out there again, but it seems worth giving it another shot in reaching out to him. I think you should have a specific plan ready, and something that requires a yes or no response from him. Like "I'm hoping to do ___ on Saturday night. Want to join?" If he ignores that, then, yeah, you should back off.
Author goldbond Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 So he just gave you total silence in the text conversation after you clearly suggested making plans? Or was the situation more vague than that? . It wasn't vague, he agreed that he wanted to see me again and then I straight up asked when he was free and he said nothing. I find it kind of hard to believe he would lose interest so quickly after we connected pretty well at the party, but that's kinda what it looks like to me :/
Standard-Fare Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Well, look, I definitely think you were giving him confusing mixed signals in the past and no reason to be confident with you. Just because YOU recently decided that you're now on board and want to go for this doesn't mean he's all of a sudden right on the same page with you. Any guy in his position would have developed doubts during this process with you. That's why I'd encourage you to cut him some slack now and put yourself out there a little more than you normally would. I agree that if you try again and continue to get silence and weirdness from him, it's time to give up.
OwMyEyeball Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I recommend you both get drunk again and have a very earnest discussion sans all the inhibiting bullsh*t that seems to define most people's conceptions of themselves, relation to others and their place in this world.
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