Michelle0702 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I'm sorry if this ends up long but I really don't know where else to turn. My boyfriend and I dated for year and a half and we lived together for year. He is 24 and I am 22. (Both birthdays are soon) One month ago he broke up with me for the reason that he, "can't put his finger on it but things are just different," and he just "doesn't see it working out." Every time I tried to get a better answer from him he would shut down and just say "I don't know" to everything. We gave each other a week of space before coming back to the conversation, which ultimately ended up with the same response. I was blindsided by the breakup because I didn't see a real problem in our relationship. Things were going really well and he came out of nowhere with this. I had to pack up all of my things and move out of our home. Leaving him, our home and our dog. After a couple weeks of barely any contact I saw him this past Wednesday. He asked me to hang out with him, he bought me lunch, and flirted with me the entire day. We ended up having sex, and he asked to take a nap together and he cuddled me. When I left the house I didn't hear from him for the next few days. I'm not surprised. This past Saturday I hung out with a girl who I met through my ex. She is an ex to one of his good friends, but she has not left me alone since their break up. (Note: I'm a bleeding heart). She annoys me with her clingy and needy attitude, but I feel bad because she has no friends. Recently her ex told her that she would no longer be able to see their dog that they shared. She was upset so I went out with her to make her feel better even though I really was not up to it. We drank a lot this night. We ended up running into my ex while we were out. My ex was out with another girl I was so shocked. It has only been a month and I can't even think about dating somebody else. I tried playing it cool. So this "friend" of mine, without my knowledge, threatened my ex about me taking our dog away from him. And that he couldn't keep our dog from me. (My ex told me initially that I could see our dog whenever I want it and I was fine with that arrangement so I don't know where my friend is getting this idea from.) I know she's taking her problems with her ex out on mine. My ex texted me saying "(friends name) better never threatened to take my dog from me again." When I tried to call him he didn't answer so I left a message, I was more upset about seeing him out with the other girl (who we had arguments about while we dated since he was flirting with her and has a past with her) and I had no idea that my friend said anything to him about our dog until he texted me. He left me a voicemail telling me I will never see him or the dog ever again. That what my friend said really pissed him off, and that this girl he was out with was just a friend. He has since given me the cold shoulder. It has been 3 days. I shouldn't have said anything about that girl but I won't apologize for what my friend said to him about the dog. I'm not the one who said anything my friend did. Why should I be punished for others actions? He's now telling people I accused him of cheating on me and that I'm trying to take away his dog. We bought the dog together. It was a big drunken argument that I would like to clear up. I also want to see my dog very badly. Part of me still wants my ex back, but I hate this emotional immaturity. He could never communicate any issues to me. (Clearly since he couldn't even tell me anything was wrong with our relationship) I just don't want to be cut from his life or my dogs. I wanted to at least end things on a better note. How do I get this stubborn guy to start talking again? Just wait it out until he talks to me? What if he never does? I stopped talking to my "friend" since she went behind my back and now has ruined my chances of getting my ex and dog back. Someone help me please?
stillafool Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Your friend isn't the one who is keeping you and your ex from getting back together, he is. He has already told you he doesn't see you two working out along with more bla, bla, bla about why he doesn't feel it anymore. I know he told you he was just friends with that other girl but you know better, don't you. Afterall she was the one out with him. He just didn't want to fess up that yes he is already dating others. You can't make him talk to you and I'm sorry about your dog. Never buy a pet with anyone you aren't married to. It would almost be impossible to have visitation with the dog anyway. Sooner or later he is going to have another gf and he isn't going to want you sitting around visiting with the dog, neither will she. Do you plan to pick the dog up and take him out for visitation? He may want you to get legal custody so are you planning on going to court? I love dogs too, but perhaps you should adopt one of your own and let this one go along with your ex.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 First, I think the real reason for your break-up was with him the night you saw him with your friend. He might not have been out-right cheating, but you mention there's a history and a past of inappropriate flirting with this girl. I have a hunch a lot more was going on than you realized, unfortunately. Second, while I agree that your friend was out of line, I don't think she ruined your chances of getting your ex back. Not at all. If he were a level-headed and rational individual, he'd probably see that you aren't responsible for your friend's behaviour. I think he's using that as an excuse to cut you out. He probably doesn't want his new fling to know he's also recently slept with you and is afraid of randomly running into you again and blowing his cover with her. Me thinks he freaked when he realized it's a small world. I don't think this will be the last of what you hear from him. But I also think he's not what you need in your life. I imagine he'll cool his jets in a few days. I would back off for a bit and let the dust settle. Then, you could contact him about seeing your dog and only that. But I wouldn't count on that arrangement lasting forever. 2
Satu Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 It sounds like he's using the dog as a justification for cutting contact with you, rather than being honest about what he's doing. It's not really about the dog.
Author Michelle0702 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 To Expatinitalty i do agree with you. I think he is using it as an excuse. I don't think at this point in time he is what is best for me. Not until he grows up. (If that will ever happen.) I always said he would have to make changes in order for us to work. But I really wish I could just explain myself and explain my side of the story. I've cut off contact hoping he would cool off by now. I'm afraid of contacting him that he still will ignore me. There are still some thin I need to retrieve from our house so he will have to respond at some point. Thanks for the repsonses from everyone.
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