LadyLee Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Op I don't post much but this sucks. I know that you are probably reeling right now. I can't stress enough to please listen to the good advice that you have received! Get lawyered up, be advised of your rights and go for the jugular...because chances are that she will. Lee
Friskyone4u Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 This is not innocent and her actions are proving that. She is in an EA with this man, and worse, she refuses to stop it. Not sure where he is geographically, but you are headed for a PA on her part and unless you really stop asking and telling her it is going to stop you are going to find out she is meeting him somewhere. And if they are planning a reunion of co workers and you do not attend you already know what is going to happen.
CarrieT Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Frisky, did you bother to read the latest response from the OP? He's confirmed it is a physical affair...
Author burtoncbell Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 At least, I can finally breathe. I can finally go to bed at night without thinking whether she cheated or not. Now that I know what happened, my mind is clear. I feel kinda liberated. Also, no more nagging issues. No more annoying keyboard typing when she talked to her *******. The hard part will be to have to deal with her about the kids. We are still parents and (unfortunately) I cannot completely exclude her from my life. Should have left her in the beginning of our relationship when I had doubts about her. But I still don't regret anything because I love my kids more than anything in the world and having them is the greatest thing ever.
CarrieT Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Should have left her in the beginning of our relationship when I had doubts about her. But I still don't regret anything because I love my kids more than anything in the world and having them is the greatest thing ever. My new husband feels the same way about his ExW; had doubts from the beginning but stayed because she got pregnant within months of dating and now loves his kids but regrets everything else involving her. Burton, is she still sleeping under the same roof or is she out of the house? How old are your kids, also? You will survive and can find love again...
Author burtoncbell Posted November 22, 2014 Author Posted November 22, 2014 She acted exactly like when I confronted her for the first time when i found out about their online relationshi. She came back from her part time job. She was at home most of the time, but kept her part time job because she couldn't find a decent full time job and it was her only source of money. So she came back and I welcomed her as usual. Then I told her that we need to talk right now. She sat down on the couch and took her laptop out of her bag (because yes, for the last days she brought her laptop everywhere she went to prevent me snooping!!!!). I told her, hey, stop trying to hide it. I know you cheated on me with him. I know what happened in the hotel room. She smiled, almost laughing nervously and asked "what hotel room? What are you talking about?" I showed her a printed copy of the email. She laughed, saying "Ahhh! It was just a joke! We were kidding! You're so naive" The email dated from a few weekends ago. That particular weekend, she took the kids to her parents. She told me that they were all sleeping over at her parents house (including her) because they haven't seen the kids for a while. I said no problem, I'll be home alone, enjoy a few movies and maybe have a few beers. Basically, having a break from the family was not a bad thing! So when I found out about this email, I called her mother. I asked her "Hey, when (WIFE) came to sleep over, I think she forgot something". Her mother replied "What are you talking about? You mean when the kids slept over? Because she didn't sleep over, she dropped the kids and returned home about an hour after". I said oh yeah right I must be tired, okay bye!" So I told her that I called her mother and she told me that she didn't sleep over. Her mood changed fast. She didn't say anything, never admitted it. I told her to get the **** outta here. Go back to your parents house you ****ing whore. We are done. She packed some stuff and left with the kids. Fortunately they are too young to understand what's going on. Can't wait all her crap out of the house. I'm lawyering up. I'm ready to do this. Even if she will try to get the most out of my wallet, I feel BETTER than before because the hardest part (finding out and acknowledgement) is behind me. 2
DKT3 Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Sorry but you have yet to reach the hard parts of this mess. Right now your pissed and that is what's driving you. In time the anger will level out and the true reality of your situation will hit. I asked how she reacted because its goes a long way in judging what she is likely to do next. In this situation, I honestly believe your wife (in her mind) has replaced you. She is "IN LOVE" which is a perfect time to act quickly with the divorce. Odds are she isn't in love with this guy, just thinks she is. Soon it will dawn on her that she isn't, at which point she will attempt to get you back. If you reject her it could and most likely will get nasty. However, you need to talk to her and see were her head is. If you gage that she is ready to run to this other guy you may be able to use that to your advantage. Control your anger, try to have all meetings with her face to face and record everything. Depending on where you live recording phone conversations can be tricky. Sorry for your pain, but please don't convince yourself the worst is over. Also don't do what I did, I wanted out so bad I just gave her everything. Pretty much left with my clothes. Could have been a nightmare.
lollipopspot Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Op, did you guess her email password or find it somewhere? I'm surprised she wouldn't have hidden this more carefully!
HereNorThere Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Op, did you guess her email password or find it somewhere? I'm surprised she wouldn't have hidden this more carefully! Why are you surprised? By all accounts, she wasn't very good at hiding it. 1000s of messages on Facebook (which she never logged out of), messaging with her husband in the room, poor planning/provable weekend away, carrying around her laptop, etc. etc. etc. She basically threw the affair I his face, so it's really not really surprising.
Realist3 Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 I must say that 1000 messages over three months was quite minimal. My MW and I shared over 800 messages just last night.
Tayla Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 there is often three sides to a story. His, Hers, and the reality. get counseling . this reminds me of the one commercial- "why everythings true on the web". not buying it -in its entirety. obsessive behavior by op may need examined.
whatcanitellyou Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 there is often three sides to a story. His, Hers, and the reality. get counseling . this reminds me of the one commercial- "why everythings true on the web". not buying it -in its entirety. obsessive behavior by op may need examined. For the state of the marriage, yes. But for her affair she either screwed another guy or she didn't, and he has proof. There is no other side.
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