Frank2thepoint Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I will take what this NYC matchmaker says about his methods with a grain of salt, but reading about his clients' expectations and stringent requirements really sickened me. An example. Then there was a client who I will call Susan. I proposed nine matches which she declined for reasons ranging from, the potential match not being in a "cool fraternity" in college (Susan was 36) to the potential match not liking her favorite band Phish. I can't speak for anyone else on this site from around the country and the world, but as a single man in NYC, the above is an example of the pervasive toxicity of dating in NYC. Just because a man does not like the woman's favorite band, he is unworthy. Of course it goes both ways. There are really prissy and picky men in NYC that would disregard a woman for a similar excuse, maybe even more trivial such as "her eyes aren't blue enough". But I completely agree with the matchmaker's posit, which applies to both genders, that people spend more on burning bridges than building them: What has made it so disheartening for me is the clients who refuse to participate in bettering themselves and opening up their criteria. They have more dealbreakers than dealmakers. They are their own worst matchmakers because they reject more than they accept; judge with prejudice and quite often should be investing in a quality therapist rather than a matchmaker. It's a long article, but informative, and sickening. Confessions of a NYC Matchmaker Enjoy. 2
normal person Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I can't speak for anyone else on this site from around the country and the world, but as a single man in NYC, the above is an example of the pervasive toxicity of dating in NYC. Just because a man does not like the woman's favorite band, he is unworthy. Of course it goes both ways. There are really prissy and picky men in NYC that would disregard a woman for a similar excuse, maybe even more trivial such as "her eyes aren't blue enough". Notice how Sandra is 36 and single. She's only hurting herself by having such unrealistic demands. Maybe one day she'll wake up and realize that she can't have it all. There are plenty of reasonable people out there in this city too. This would be a good read for a few people on this forum. I've seen some guys struggling to grasp the "she wants a relationship, just not one with you" concept.
insert_name Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Notice how Sandra is 36 and single. She's only hurting herself by having such unrealistic demands. Maybe one day she'll wake up and realize that she can't have it all. There are plenty of reasonable people out there in this city too. This would be a good read for a few people on this forum. I've seen some guys struggling to grasp the "she wants a relationship, just not one with you" concept. Judging by that article it sounds like she wants a relationship with herself, or at least thats what she will end up with. In fact that article should give guys who do OLD a boost that they really dont have to look at themselves so hard like they are always told to on here because in actual fact they are trying to fix themselves when its the other person thats broken because shes looking for the proverbial unicorn that urinates glitter. You can see it from the same old tired faces that you messaged a month ago and they are still there doing the rounds. Created their account the day Jesus was born and they are still there today and still can't seem to find a man for some strange reason... So yeah, really this article is just an affirmation that the ones who get to do the choosing are perhaps corrupted by the choice to the extent that they have lost all objectivity and haven't a clue what they actually want. They only know what they are not looking for.
FitChick Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Men who hire matchmakers are just as bad. These services are expensive so the customers want to get what they are paying for. Sense of entitlement from very successful people.
Tayken Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Men who hire matchmakers are just as bad. These services are expensive so the customers want to get what they are paying for. Sense of entitlement from very successful people. No different from women on dating sites then expecting the men to do all the running, and then pay for meals etc?
preraph Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Look, if you're shelling out money for a matchmaker, you are going to want as close to what you think is perfect as possible. Otherwise, what's the point?
Copelandsanity Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Look, if you're shelling out money for a matchmaker, you are going to want as close to what you think is perfect as possible. Otherwise, what's the point? Can't buy love, though
Tayken Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Can't buy love, though Wrong...you can. What you can't do is..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upnrXooMh4s
StanMusial Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Yikes. I hope he gets paid well for his chosen profession. Just imagine the guilt he feels at inflicting some of these broads onto some poor sap. I wonder if he has a screening process... although money talks loudest. It would be fun to put two well-meaning people together, which I have done in the past. But the one 36 year old, geez. What could you possibly do with that?
Tayken Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 There is nothing wrong with outsourcing ones' dating life.
preraph Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Can't buy love, though It's no different than OLD and actually much more controlled and screened. That way, you don't get all the liars and old photos.
OwMyEyeball Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Look, if you're shelling out money for a matchmaker, you are going to want as close to what you think is perfect as possible. Otherwise, what's the point? To allow for someone with a better understanding of relationship dynamics and the spare time to guide the process. That's assuming the client is interested in the results (a compatible partner) and not the process itself (finding the "perfect" match). Sometimes you just have to put a little faith and trust in what the doctor is prescribing.
insert_name Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 To allow for someone with a better understanding of relationship dynamics and the spare time to guide the process. That's assuming the client is interested in the results (a compatible partner) and not the process itself (finding the "perfect" match). Sometimes you just have to put a little faith and trust in what the doctor is prescribing. I can well imagine that people just get a kick out of the rejection- I could have him, but hes got green eyes. NEXT! Must give your self esteem a real boost. Do it enough times and you soon forget why you wanted a partner in the first place when you can feel so good by knocking people back.
salparadise Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I thought his conversation with the established matchmaker he met for dinner was revealing... she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Honey please tell me that women aren't going to be your paying clients...are they?" This woman grasped the gender dynamics of the business, which reflects the overall paradigm in the mate-selection process. Men submit applications; women cull the applicants, decide who gets an interview, and ultimately who gets hired. By trying to reverse the order of operations, this guy was effectively saying, I will contract to satisfy those for whom no applicant has been acceptable... women don't have to pay someone to recruit applicants, unless they're very special.
Author Frank2thepoint Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 I thought his conversation with the established matchmaker he met for dinner was revealing... she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Honey please tell me that women aren't going to be your paying clients...are they?" This woman grasped the gender dynamics of the business, which reflects the overall paradigm in the mate-selection process. Yes but the guy still forged ahead and made business. Which means women are willing to pay money to find a good match.
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Sometimes I do think people are their own worst enemies. In my circles, the women who have never been able to find love into middle age are clearly doing it to themselves because their standards are insane. I completely understand the idea that if I'm paying for a service I want to be a little pickier but by the same token if the professional is giving me advice based upon their years of experience, I ignore it at my own peril.
Toodaloo Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Enjoy. Next time you write "enjoy" I will try to notice the irony in it... After reading this... so soon after listening to my lovely family dissect my previous relationships to decide what is "best" for me... I think I was right to believe flushing my own head down a toilet would be more fun... Women will do almost anything to find the perfect guy. Some women forget that no person is perfect all the time... you just have to take the rough with the smooth.
Author Frank2thepoint Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Women will do almost anything to find the perfect guy. Some women forget that no person is perfect all the time... you just have to take the rough with the smooth. I'm glad you enjoyed the article. I concur very much that a person has to accept both the rough and smooth of the other person. Perfection is accepting the imperfections, and one can find happiness easily. I myself am a sensitive guy, sometimes a merit, sometimes a detriment. I have been wooing a woman that I am going on a date with this weekend. She knows this about me, both the boon and bane of being sensitive, and she likes it about me.
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