FredJones80 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Hi All, Some of you may remember me, some not. I came here about 7-8 months ago after I got dumped from an 11 year relationship. It was tough and I was in an extremely bad place, a place I never thought I'd pass. Heh, check my old posts. I questioned everything, I read up on everything, I read all the positive stories about them coming back, heh, after 7-8 months, she still hasn't come back or even attempted to... but you know what, I don't want her back. It took a good 4 months to get to that point, 4 months of bad times and slowly it started to get better, and think of her less. I've started getting out more and doing more things. My life isn't perfect because I'm in a new area making new friends, but nothing anymore is to do with my ex, our relationship or the whole 11 years, I'm past that, it's over, it's gone and I'm happy about that. I see now, more flaws in the relationship than I did then. I've looked at it objectively and for all the positives, there are negatives. Am I happier now than I was in the relationship? ... difficult one to answer, I'm different, a different happy maybe. But when all is said and done, I'm glad the relationship is over. So for those of you who are suffering, you will not believe me, I know this, I've been there and I've read posts like this of mine now and dismissed them. But, it... does.... get.... better It takes time, a long time, but if I can get over 11 years in 4 months and be at a better place after 7 months, then I'm sure you can too! I never thought I'd see this day, but I've made it. I made it with the support of people on here, especially one or two who I kept in close contact with and helped me through it. You'll get through it too, life is life, live it, don't wallow. 8
Elfend Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Congratulations ... hope you meet your that one special person soon! If you don't mind, how did you deal with the NC? What did you do to keep yourself from contacting the other person? 1
i c e queen Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 a very encouraging read! if she contacts u out of the blue, how would u handle it? 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Hi All, Some of you may remember me, some not. I came here about 7-8 months ago after I got dumped from an 11 year relationship. It was tough and I was in an extremely bad place, a place I never thought I'd pass. Heh, check my old posts. I questioned everything, I read up on everything, I read all the positive stories about them coming back, heh, after 7-8 months, she still hasn't come back or even attempted to... but you know what, I don't want her back. It took a good 4 months to get to that point, 4 months of bad times and slowly it started to get better, and think of her less. I've started getting out more and doing more things. My life isn't perfect because I'm in a new area making new friends, but nothing anymore is to do with my ex, our relationship or the whole 11 years, I'm past that, it's over, it's gone and I'm happy about that. I see now, more flaws in the relationship than I did then. I've looked at it objectively and for all the positives, there are negatives. Am I happier now than I was in the relationship? ... difficult one to answer, I'm different, a different happy maybe. But when all is said and done, I'm glad the relationship is over. So for those of you who are suffering, you will not believe me, I know this, I've been there and I've read posts like this of mine now and dismissed them. But, it... does.... get.... better It takes time, a long time, but if I can get over 11 years in 4 months and be at a better place after 7 months, then I'm sure you can too! I never thought I'd see this day, but I've made it. I made it with the support of people on here, especially one or two who I kept in close contact with and helped me through it. You'll get through it too, life is life, live it, don't wallow. Hey Fred welcome back! Glad to hear things are going well. The best threads on here in my opinion. Keep on keeping on. 1
johnson_j Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Good to hear from you Fred. I was right there with you, and my situation is much the same, at time still feel slightly sad about what could have been, but it's certainly not affecting me negatively. I could even hold a conversation with her now and not feel anything. Even better I've met a beautiful girl who seems so much better in just every way and we are taking it slow and seeing where it goes, but honestly I'm pretty excited about the future. Glad you're doing well and thanks for the update. 1
No Limit Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Good to read a few good news for a change. Also good luck with your next relationship. 1
Author FredJones80 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 Congratulations ... hope you meet your that one special person soon! If you don't mind, how did you deal with the NC? What did you do to keep yourself from contacting the other person? Thanks Elfend! NC was hard. For the first two weeks, I contacted my ex, not a massive amount of times, but a few times. Then I found the NC guide on here and to be honest it was a god send. You HAVE to delete all ways of contact and then go cold turkey. It's extremely difficult, but the more time you hold out, the easier it gets, the first few days are like a drug withdrawal, then a week, then two, then it just gets easier and easier and easier. It's not an easy task not talking to someone who has been in your life every day for 11 years, but the longer you go, the easier it gets. The NC guide is essential. I also made sure I didn't look at photos and luckily don't really use Facebook so had no reason to see her there either. I think you can either make it easier on yourself by going hard at the start, or harder on yourself by dragging it out. Learning no amount of pleading or saying anything will bring them back, it's true what they say... they'll come back if they want to, by that time, you just won't care. I pretty much figured out my ex left me for someone else, even though she never admitted it. Today for the first time I saw a photo of her with her new guy (by mistake, through the only one connection that connected me to her).. probably the person she left me for. I had a slight thumping heart, 5 minutes later I just said "meh" and went back about my day. It spurred me on to come here and give back to everyone else going through bad times.
Author FredJones80 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 a very encouraging read! if she contacts u out of the blue, how would u handle it? Well, I finally changed my number about 2 months ago, so it's pretty impossible for her to, unless she writes. I wouldn't want to hear from her now, and if she wrote, I'd just ignore it, I haven't wanted her back for a while now, I'm good.
Author FredJones80 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 Hey Fred welcome back! Glad to hear things are going well. The best threads on here in my opinion. Keep on keeping on. Thanks man, you know, I didn't always see eye to eye with you, some posts I loved of yours, others I really disagreed with, but you know what... you're a good guy, your advice is sound, it's direct and sometimes comes over as unsympathetic... but pretty much everything you write is good advice and I appreciate everything you posted either at the time or directly to me, you helped a lot. Thanks buddy!
Author FredJones80 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 Good to hear from you Fred. I was right there with you, and my situation is much the same, at time still feel slightly sad about what could have been, but it's certainly not affecting me negatively. I could even hold a conversation with her now and not feel anything. Even better I've met a beautiful girl who seems so much better in just every way and we are taking it slow and seeing where it goes, but honestly I'm pretty excited about the future. Glad you're doing well and thanks for the update. That's great, I recognise your name and a few others in this thread. We made it! They said we would.. and we did. Heh, at the time, I never thought I'd be sat here saying this. I have no new girl yet, but glad you do, hope it works well for you, you've got through the worst, good times ahead my friend!
Author FredJones80 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 A couple of other things worth mentioning, I probably cried every day for 3 months solid. I research every tiny detail, I looked up every possible illness she could of had, depression, mental illness, whatever... everything and anything. I read every "how long until she comes back" website. Every... single... thing.... until there was nothing left to read. Honestly, I read sites about every imaginable relationship topic... at the end of it the answer was the same, she was gone and there was nothing left to read. I watched all the movies, swingers, forgetting sarah marshall, silver linings playbook. I think at that point, that's when things changed, I'd exhausted all avenues. For me this was essential to my recovery, to understand everything, even to read up on love and how people fall "in love" Do what you have to do to get through it, but don't let it consume you, it takes time, don't rush it. You'll get there, I didn't believe it myself and I did. Again a massive thanks to everyone on the site at the time, I honestly needed your advice and posts, this site helped me through it. I can't remember all the names, but if you remember my name, then you will of helped with your posts, so thank you and thanks to loveshack itself. 2
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