Misty_Knight Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We got pregnant just as I was preparing to leave the relationship. We now have a 4 year old daughter who is the center of our universe. My pregnancy was hard on me. I felt insecure and anxious about becoming a Mommy. My boyfriend knew this and was very supportive. During the pregnancy, my boyfriend would show me caring but he seemed to treat me more like his child than his woman. I would ask him for passion and romance. He became distant. No sex. No type of physical intimacy at all. I figured that maybe he was freaked out by my pregnant body. One day, I happened to be looking through the history on our shared laptop when I came across adult friend finder type websites, porn sites, and prostitution ads. He swore that he never acted on any of the ads and that he didn't need counseling. I was heartbroken but took his promise to stop. Sex did pick up after this. I felt like I had to prove myself. Once the baby came, sex stopped completely. In the past 4 years we have had sex twice. Both times I initiated. I have mentioned sex plenty of times to him. He seems uninterested. I assumed that maybe it was due to his weight gain or low testosterone... He refuses to get this checked out. Over the past 4 years I have asked him whether he has been looking at porn. I let him know that I would consider it cheating because he is choosing it over me. He has responded angrily and turn the argument back on me. Listing ways that ai don't make him happy enough to want sex. A lot of things about me supposedly turn him off. A few months ago, I found out that he was in a strip club by using his find my Iphone app. He denied it. I checked his computer and found tons of porn. He smirked and said "at least you know that I'm not gay." I have had questions about that due to the complete lack of sex. He told me that he's not giving up porn. I silently started making my exit strategy. I have started feeling much better. My anxiety is going away, knowing that this nightmare will end soon. There are other issues as well. He plays video games for about about 6-8 hours a day. After dinner he starts up the game and plays until about 3:00am. He does hang out with us on the weekends but complains about how he wants to go home and relax. He does engage with our daughter for about 30 minutes per day but he refuses to play games with her or play with her toys. He has now said that he wants to work on our relationship but I don't want to try. If he wants to leave now, he can but either way I want him to go once school is out. There is no way he can fix it. Am I wrong for not wanting to give him a chance? He says that he wil give up porn but honestly I no longer want sex from him. I don't want to check behind him. Is it wrong to not want to try?
PegNosePete Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 No, I think you have given him more chances than most would, and he has failed every single time. No reason to think that one more chance would be any different than the last 100 chances. 1
mercuryshadow Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Nope. Ten years ago I was in the same situation with my son's father. He was a porn addict. Spent money foolishly. Was mentally and verbally abusive toward me. I knew the relationship was over in my mind. Once I had "checked out" emotionally, he wanted to try to fix things and even wanted to start planning our wedding. Things were beyond fixing and I left with our son when he was just a couple of months old. For the sake of your sanity and for the sake of the baby's health and stability, go forward with your exit strategy. And when it comes time for court, establish yourself as the primary custodial parent and if the father has interest, allow for some visitation but not too liberal... I'm facing a situation now due to my soft heart and naivety all those years ago where I was quite liberal with our custody situation, but as our child has grown, it is no longer in his best interest (the back and forth). This is something I wish someone had advised me on back then. Best of luck. 1
Recommended Posts