Very depressed

[Aries82]

Ok, sorry for the long post and sorry about my english it is not my native language.

I was in lesbian relationship/marriage for 7 years, we were crazy in love, engaged, live together, adore each other, but we had really hard life because of our financial problems. She worked as a seasonal worker, I had part time job only on summer, mostly i stayed home cooking, cleaning etc. My family lives in different country (4 hours driving) so I was leaving to visit them every couple months and they were making to much problems about our relationship, but I fought very hard for us.

 

She was my only world and I gave up everything for her my job, almost my family, friends, everything just to be with her. Last winter was very hard for us, we did not have a job. So I left in my country(I could not find any job there because I was a foreigner and did not have papers) to find any and she gave me full support, I was doing that for us. In spring flood affected our county and my parents lost their house and my father was missing it was very hard, but we found him after one week. So, I found a job as a waitress (I am an engineer of agronomy) and worked 14 hours per day. She was also start working as a seasonal worker. We were in contact all the time (mostly mails and chat).

 

After few months she told me we need to talk but not via mail, I knew what that means. So I quit my job, and that it was not first time because of her, and left to see her. When I came in our bedroom everything was different, there was no my picture on wall, my stuff was crowded on a shelf, only one pillow on our bed. She was at work when I got there, so I waited her. When she came, she was very strange she hugged me and ask why I did not unpack my stuff and did I bring any movies, she was acting weird. We had couple of drinks she was talking about her job, so I asked her what am I doing here. She said that she hates herself, she wants to be free, and blame me for our arguments from our past, that was a reason of break up.

 

We did not fight allot maybe two times per year. It was very late and she said she need to go in bed, and ask me to lie down with her, I refused because it was weird and I was in shock, so I slept on the floor. In the morning I start packing my stuff, she ask me to stay few more days, she was crying. I refused and ask her how can you do that this is my home, you broke my heart, after all we had you giving up on us. So, we said goodbye she was shaking and crying, I was crazy did not know where am I, shock.So, I left screaming and crying all the way, I do not remember the road I passed to my country. She did not call me to see did I came safe home. I was in bed for days, taking pills, then I started begging her, crying on the phone,

 

I sent her also a few emails begging and I told her you will be always my wife but I need to disappear now for me . Then she call me and said you told me I will be yours forever and now you want disappear, I asked her what she wants from me and she start yelling to **** off, she was at her job so everybody heard that. Then she started post songs about moving on on her facebook, also song about one last kiss, I asked her can that last forever, then she called me fool on her wall and said you do not have anything to fight for you had your chance with me. So I go NC for 3 weeks and I failed asking her again to come back to me she replied no but we can talk on skype, I agree. She wanted to talked about our relationship, bur she was yelling at me all the time blame me for everything, she was so mean, I did not understand,

 

I was so confused, she saw everything in negative light, it was not bad relationship we always told each other that we feel the same, dream about same things, about us.She was so mad, I asked her is there someone else she said no. She said that she talked about our problems with her sister and friends while I was away working for us, but she never talked to me about that. Then she said if you think that I do not love you, so do if it will be easier for you, you have to live your life without me it is over, we gave everything we could and that is it, and lets not talk to each other untill these negative emotions fade away. That was month ago.

 

I am really depressed, thinking often about suicide, crying all the time, we are broken up for almost three months and she does not care, she just could not wait to to get rid of me, I was suffocated her she said, but I did not, I never asked her where she is, who she was with, I trusted her big time. So few weeks later I sent her goodbye email said thank you and sorry for everything, I hope you will find happiness I wish you the best. She never respond and I did not expected that, but she started posting some articles about love on her FB wall about love is not enough, then songs about she needs to find herself but dreaming about us.

 

I erased my FB profile and and did not contact her for a month and she did not contact me at all except post on her wall and I know that is her way to communicate with me.Please is there anyone to help me, I can not stand this pain, I am very depressed and confused,please thank you.

Edited November 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Toddbt12y1]

Some people do not appreciate what a person is willing to do or even go through for them. She did not appreciate you at all. She showed you this - and as bad as it may seem, that is a good thing. You would have been stuck with a person yelling at you; every little thing would be your fault. You get it!

 

You really put in a lot of effort. Sometimes an ocean of effort will not make a difference. You certainly cannot change someone's feelings....Especially if they have fallen out of love with you or never cared to begin with.

 

I recommend you do not look her up anymore. You may have deleted your Facebook, yet, you still monitor her posts, as if they were directed towards you. (They may very well be, you know her better than any of us ). Still, for your sake, ignore and reject the feeling to look at whatever she posts. Change emails. Temptation must be ran from, not fought head on - you lose more often that way than you win.

 

Really,

 

She is undeserving of your love and your life. Your life is more valuable than killing yourself over her. You are fully capable of moving on. Fully capable of, through vigorous work, better yourself. You have a rare, hard-working attitude.

 

Are you going to apply for citizenship in the country you'd like too? I am sure you are or it is in the least apart of your plans.

 

Best of all, now is the time for you to think of you. Far too long have you thought of her - still are. This way you can achieve for you. The only way to show a person, who thinks you are not worth it...Is to prove them wrong. Work on your flaws, for you. Do for you. Do not sit around depressed, sitting around will, after all, only allow for depressive thoughts to run through your mind.

 

In short: Block her. Do not look her up. Focus on you and your dreams alone. See that you are capable of better - she is worse, not better. Someone else will appreciate your hard work and care for them (but never forget yourself)

 

(Please never hurt yourself for something that is truly temporary )

[Aries82]

Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart. I just need someone to open my eyes with the truth, thank you.

[Toddbt12y1]

Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart. I just need someone to open my eyes with the truth, thank you.

 

We are here to help, dear. I am truly sorry that you are going through such a difficult period in life. But you work hard. That is so valuable! With your hard working attitude, you can truly become something. You just have to ignore the bad people, that will come in and out of your life.

 

You are valuable. Your ex lover is not. You are deserving, by virtue of your hard work and not giving up. A lesser mind would have fallen hard and far. At least be proud, knowing you are that much more than she could ever be!

[Aries82]

You just became my best friend, maybe this sound weird, but I do not have anyone to talk about that, because all my friends were our mutual friends and took her side, I think she said some very things about me and she is acting like I left her. I just can not understand how someone after sharing everything, love, life, secrets, intimacy, become so cruel and left all that after 7 years of living together, like we did not mean anything, she became stranger I do not know her anymore. We are in our thirties, I thought that she is mature enough to talk on civil way with someone who shared life with her, but I guess I meant nothing to her.I am so sick to feel this way, crying all the time and I have so many questions, because I do not understand reasons of break up, so stupid fights from our past as reason to leave someone. Thank you again, you are so noble human being.

[Toddbt12y1]

You just became my best friend, maybe this sound weird, but I do not have anyone to talk about that, because all my friends were our mutual friends and took her side, I think she said some very things about me and she is acting like I left her. I just can not understand how someone after sharing everything, love, life, secrets, intimacy, become so cruel and left all that after 7 years of living together, like we did not mean anything, she became stranger I do not know her anymore. We are in our thirties, I thought that she is mature enough to talk on civil way with someone who shared life with her, but I guess I meant nothing to her.I am so sick to feel this way, crying all the time and I have so many questions, because I do not understand reasons of break up, so stupid fights from our past as reason to leave someone. Thank you again, you are so noble human being.

 

 

You're too kind.

 

But really, no one needs a reason to do anything in this world. She simply lost feeling or something else. However, she is going about this by making you look all bad, and robbing you of your friends. That is wrong. People change...and it can catch you by surprise and seem as if it happened instantly.

 

Really, it is a build up. She has probably thought on this long and hard. And wasn't happy for sometime. A rough situation - as is your life right now and hers, shared together, only helped in the decline of your relationship. Depression forged through this hardship only helped to hurt the relationship. It takes a very strong mind to withstand all of this. She did not.

 

What is best for you now? To improve yourself. Your situation is not too good. But not hopeless. You need to find a way towards a better job, maintain it. Save up, and develop yourself alone. To have that self-confidence to handle any situation alone, and being alone, is a key to being happy with yourself.

 

Not being dependant on another person to make you happy. As so many relationships base their happiness off the other person; instead of a myriad of other interests + that person.

 

First, what is your personal dreams? Not dreams shared with her. You have your own goals, you know?

 

(I might be slow to respond, am at work)

[Aries82]

Thank you for everything, for support, I will try harder, I know I can you gave me strenght and that I can not forget. I won't bother you anymore, go do your work, thank you again for your time for some stranger you are great person.

[Toddbt12y1]

Thank you for everything, for support, I will try harder, I know I can you gave me strenght and that I can not forget. I won't bother you anymore, go do your work, thank you again for your time for some stranger you are great person.

 

You are no bother. This forum is all about help...I would feel awful if I did not help you in any way I can.

 

Really, there are great helpers on here. Who can break down everything in a way that might be more helpful than anything I have even said.

 

Do not be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you get responses, other times you may not...especially the weekends. But we all try. Who knows? You may, from your own experiences, one day help someone else down on their luck....

[Aries82]

I hope I will, that feeling when you help someone can not compare with anything, I love helping people and I am so grateful when someone help me. I have one more question if you dont mind, sorry, she said when we were talking on skype that she did not mean to leave me she wanted that we separate, I do not understand that, and she was mad at me because I did not stay. And those post on her FB songs about she need to find herself but dreaming about us was for me because she posted that on our anniversary, and she did not post anything for a month, after that I erased my FB acount. After a month of break up I sent her our pictures and told her this is for goodbye, than she told me wow you dont waste your time and I am a coward, so eat ****. Well, it seems she doesnt know what she wants that is why I am so confused, mixed messages, but she is stick with her decision.

[Satu]

You are a really nice person - it shows in what you say.

 

I think that she's very unhappy in herself and with life in general, and is projecting those feelings onto you. Your responsibility is to look after your own wellbeing. You have to:

 

Eat enough and maintain a properly balanced diet.

 

Keep yourself sufficiently hydrated.

 

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

 

Work on your fitness by doing some light exercise regularly.

 

If you have any health problems go to see your doctor. If you feel depressed, discuss that with your doctor.

 

Thats the basic stuff that we should all need to do.

 

It sounds to me that the relationship is not viable at the moment.

 

Focus on taking good care of yourself and you will feel better.

 

I wish you all the best.

[Aries82]

You are right, she is unhappy with herself and her life and see everything in negative way. Last year she was very depressed and crying all the time for no reason, really no reason. I was worry about her and try to talk to her but nothing help. Then she seem better and happier so I was relief I thought she became stronger, I guess I was wrong. Anyway this can be really long post about me and her, and I do not want to do that. Nobody is perfect, we all have are own fights, thank you everyone for support this means world to me. I also hope that she will be fine, she shout me off her life so I can not offer her my help, because she doesnt want me near, but I am worry about her. I am trying work on myself, I looking a new job, I am with my parents in my country, they are care for me, but no one cant replace her and my home with her, I hope time will tell. You are all great people, thank you.