Teknoe Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 But honestly, I don't feel sparks or even feel like there's solid potential there. We met off eHarmony, she's 31 and I don't want to waste her time. Should I just be up front and say "Not feeling it?" or should I continue to email her and give her another chance? I am not 100% opposed to her. Just... extremely lukewarm :/ Could something develop? Maybe. I won't say it's a hard no. But I'd say odds on unlikely. I basically like my current bachelor freedom lifestyle a lot more than I do the idea of her being my girlfriend and losing that "freedom." I'm waiting for a girl I'm crazy about to give up my bachelor lifestyle. Not feeling like I'm ready to give it up for a girl I'm only lukewarm toward. Any thoughts? I was thinking, just keep emailing a bit here and there. Either it dies out, or we develop a friendship that may morph into something more. But maybe the best thing is to be honest. I dunno. Asking for feedback here.
Redhead14 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Let's be realistic . . . how often do we really get so high for someone after a first date? For me, it's not that often at all. Feelings do take time to develop. Maybe she just wasn't "all there" on the first date and you didn't get to see her at her best. Maybe you were distracted and didn't see her at her best. If you are not completely turned off by her, what do you have to lose by giving it a couple more dates or at least one more? And, the fact that you are asking us and you are emailing her says that part of you is interested at least more than you think you are. 1
clia Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I think you should go on one more date with her, and then end it if you still aren't feeling it. First dates can often be nerve inducing, so I think it's sometimes hard to get a feel for a person.
Assasda Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 It seems its either 0 or 100 for you. Which is not the way it should be. You shouldnt be hounding any girls. - And why are you thinking of her as your girlfriend NOW? YOU DONT KNOW THIS GIRL. What you are trying to do now, is get to know her. Do you regularly thing about being a couple with someone you dont know? So go out with her and see what type of person she is 1
J21 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Go on another date with her, maybe 3rd one MAX. If you still feel lukewarm, maybe it's best to part ways. Sometimes the chemistry is there, sometime it isn't. The worst thing is to be in a lukewarm relationship when you both can be in a exciting relationship with someone else. 1
Author Teknoe Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Thanks everyone. I agree lukewarm is a bad place to be, but it was only one date so far. I'm continuing my contact with her and will see if anything changes. Perhaps a 2nd date... what's the harm in that right...
Leigh 87 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Let's be realistic . . . how often do we really get so high for someone after a first date? For me, it's not that often at all. Feelings do take time to develop. Maybe she just wasn't "all there" on the first date and you didn't get to see her at her best. Maybe you were distracted and didn't see her at her best. If you are not completely turned off by her, what do you have to lose by giving it a couple more dates or at least one more? And, the fact that you are asking us and you are emailing her says that part of you is interested at least more than you think you are. Actually, some people are really excited and happy on date one. Not everyone is lukewarm just because it is the first date. A good friend of mine and her partner had huge sparks and chemistry from day one and they are still together.. Then again, I felt huge chemistry with one guy who turned out to be a real prick. I felt huge attraction to my recent ex on our first date only to later realise that I definitely didn't want to spend my life with him or even another day with him.... I felt huge chemistry after spending a few hours with one guy - not instant but there was interest there that built after a few hours but then I was like wow:love: Another guy it took me a couple of dates but I was at least attracted to him on date one and I liked the idea of him - but it took until date two or three for me to be reallllllly hot for him, so to speak:o Really though, I wasn't lukewarm about any of these guys that I was really into - there was always some interest there from the start, even if it wasn't wanting to rip their clothes of instantly (it took a few hours at most). 2 or 3 dates is the MOST it has ever taken me to want to rip someone's clothes off...and I was still into them in the meanwhile, I was well above lukewarm.
martaldn Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 go to another couple of dates and see how it goes. to me it has happened exactly the opposite, after the 1st date I was super excited and i really wanted to see him again - i had a great time and we spent like 6 hours talking! . we texted each other all the time until the 2nd date and by the 3rd i have realized he wasnt the one for me and things are slowing fading away now... from both sides. you cant decide from 1 date if she is *the* girl because there are so many factors that can make the first date a GREAT one or a BAD one. 1
Author Teknoe Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 So, I asked her to a 2nd date tonight back on Saturday. She replied and said "I lost my voice, so you can do all the talking. In fact, I would like to hear more about how your early family Thanksgiving potluck went, so tell me then." I'm like... uhhhhh.... NO, damnit, lol. If you're sick, you stay home. You need to rest, and hell, I ain't trying to get sick during my vacation week off. Forget that! Truth of the matter is, if this was a girl I was crazy about, I would still go. Because I'm very lukewarm, I don't want to see her when she's sick. Plus, me doing all the talking during dinner would be awkward. I would like to hear from her as well. So I actually told her "You should rest at home. Let me know when you're 100%." The funny thing is, when I'm into a girl, I overcontact. I write long texts and long emails. Longer than I should. I probably overexpose myself. With this girl, and I know it helps that I know she likes me that way, but I keep contact to the barest minimum. Heck, she doesn't even have my number. My emails are super short, and oddly, I think the mystery is driving her to like me even more. Women. Huh. Go figure lol
Leigh 87 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 And I can tell if a man is lukewarm about me... If i were in her shoes I'd know that you just weren't into her and I'd stop contacting you. Obviously this girl is not concerned with seeming out great passion and wants to just settle. That alone is a deal breaker...... I only date men who want a passionate exciting connection in a relationship. ... These men share a key value with me. I wouldn't want to date a guy who just didn't care of he had a passionate relationship with a girl whom was crazy about him.
bu2002 Posted November 26, 2014 Posted November 26, 2014 You're not into this girl. Move on to the next I understand there are first date nerves, and sometimes it takes a little bit for a little comfort and positive momentum to be established. So if the first hour or so seemed awkward but then once you settled in a bit, it was more natural, then that's a time to give a second date a chance. You sound like you couldn't wait until the first date was over.
Recommended Posts