Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

[sillyanswer]

Sure as heck under 100 the odds just wouldn't be their favor of not having one and even worse the higher you go thats just common sense..

 

But if they test clean then there's no issue with their number. That's just common sense.

[serial muse]

I do think some people are being a bit harsh on some of the men who prefer women with fewer ex-partners. Yes, some of them are entitled hypocrites who perceive women as goods that they 'own' (someone even used a car as an analogy! ).

 

But some of them (like the ones you mention here) are decent folks who just want a compatible partner who approaches sex and relationships the way they do. There's nothing wrong with that IMO. People just like being with like-minded folks. Same goes with the men who prefer women with higher numbers.

 

This is true - and like you, Els, I don't have an issue with guys expressing a preference for someone who approaches sex and relationships the way they do - I think that makes sense and speaks to compatibility.

 

But I also agree with what Emilia wrote upthread - that the judgment is coming from a very different place than just personal preference.

[Divasu]

A man does not have to want nor need, a woman with a high number of sex partners as a person to date, marry, and/or have sex. That's their choice.

 

The only problem I see in terms of gender equality is if/when it has little to do with equality, and more to do with power over another.

 

By its very definition:

 

• Equality: Allows everyone to access the same opportunities
  Example: Both men and women are allowed an opportunity to have sex
   
  
• Oppression: Defined by others, selfhood entwined with stigmas, stereotypes, restrictions, and expected behaviours.
  

 

So to some of those who sited double-standards in terms of this discussion as a fact of life, yes, you are in fact correct.

[OwMyEyeball]

From a purely personal and emotional response, very high partner counts are a major turn off.

 

I don't need to analyze or scrutinize that one - it's just how I feel about them as potential partners from a primal perspective.

 

That doesn't lead me to value them any less as individuals. Just because I don't want to be romantically involved with a woman doesn't automatically mean that I find her to be any less appealing, interesting or worthy of love as another human being. She has just as much to offer as the next person, but as far as romance goes I would have a hard time getting around that partner count. I don't feel it necessary for me to tackle that element of my psychology as some kind of pathology. It just is what it is. Plenty of fish in the sea for all of us.

 

That being said, I don't believe any of my preferences or turn offs to be immutable. While I say a high partner count is a major turn off, it's not a deal breaker. I've been surprised about my own behaviour and reactions in the past - times when I thought "NO WAY" and felt my perspective change to "Well that's pretty neat!" - so it's not a write off.

[stillafool]

Just curious

 

I haven't been with a lot of guys for a 31 year old.

 

How many have you had? Let us determine if it's alot.

 

I would be considered inexperienced in a lot of ways, and that is probably most likely to put men off is it? or turn them on? I know someone who claims to have slept with over 100. She is a very sexually aggressive and gorgeous woman. Most men would jump at the chance to sleep with her.

 

what's the sexual culture these days? sleep as many people and that equals to sexual desirability? I'm confused I need light to be shed.

 

Well most women have not had over 100 partners and your friend is an outlier. Glad she's enjoying herself.

 

IMHO the culture these days is to have FWBs to get all the sex you want. When trying to land a bf they want you to have slept with hardly anyone but yet be horny all the time, give a hell of a blowjob, and hell between the sheets. If not, they will be bored and move on to another woman calling you a cold fish. I guess a woman is suppose to acquire these skills by practicing on a teddy bear or something but you'd better have them or you won't hold your man long. Oh I forgot, you also have to be a gourmet cook, clean like a slave and have a good career. Good luck because it ain't easy trying to please them.

[Anderlie]

So many strange ideas on here. Apparently women who enjoy sex outside of relationships are just rag dolls who get tossed around indiscriminately from man to man with no agency of their own. That is, when they're not being housed in the garage lol. I don't know why, when we all know how awesome sex can be, it's such a bad thing to just go and get it if we feel like it. As long as everyone is safe and aware of what the post-orgasm expectations are who cares? I spent most of my adult life single because I wasn't ready to settle down and be damned if I was going to spend my nights at home knitting. I guess that type of confidence is threatening to those who don't have it, especially since it's hard to reconcile the idea that NSA arrangements can be ethical.

[Tayken]

I haven't been with a lot of guys for a 31 year old. Well I don't think so anyway. Do you think men care if a woman has been with many partners?

 

Surely you must know how many men you've done? To answer your question.... put it this way, I wouldn't want to end up with the village/town/city bicycle.

[Tayken]

A man does not have to want nor need, a woman with a high number of sex partners as a person to date, marry, and/or have sex. That's their choice.

 

The only problem I see in terms of gender equality is if/when it has little to do with equality, and more to do with power over another.

 

By its very definition:

 

• Equality: Allows everyone to access the same opportunities
  Example: Both men and women are allowed an opportunity to have sex
  
• Oppression: Defined by others, selfhood entwined with stigmas, stereotypes, restrictions, and expected behaviours.
  

 

So to some of those who sited double-standards in terms of this discussion as a fact of life, yes, you are in fact correct.

 

 

May I suggest next time you walk past a family court, you pop in and tell that to the female judge denying the thousands of father out there access to their kids?

 

Unless of course "equality" doesn't extend this far, and it's not a double standard?

[lino]

May I suggest next time you walk past a family court, you pop in and tell that to the female judge denying the thousands of father out there access to their kids?

 

Unless of course "equality" doesn't extend this far, and it's not a double standard?

 

Expect silence or 'that's different ' as a response.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Surely you must know how many men you've done? To answer your question.... put it this way, I wouldn't want to end up with the village/town/city bicycle.

 

She's suggesting that she doesn't think she's been with that many men, not that she doesn't know how many there are. But there's no point in trying to have a rational discussion with a guy who imagines (and I do mean imagines) an evil tyranny of female judges depriving loving fathers from their children forever and ever and ever.

 

Yes, child custody cases are different from a woman's right to sexual self-determination. If that isn't different for you then you should seek professional help.

 

No one is saying double standards don't exist. Our world isn't built upon reason as much as we may try. But recognizing our irrational reactions and double-standards and trying to remedy them is how we improve our society, not by saying "it's unfair! live with it!" I've talked to my friends both male and female about it before and everyone agrees that they don't have a number. They'd just rather not think about it, and no one asks.

 

(Bonus hilarity in this thread: a completely inexperienced man is encouraged and has his value reaffirmed; he's told that he's a great guy with a lot to offer that many women would treasure...and a moderately experienced woman is told she should be ashamed and regret her decisions to have sex. Womp womp.)

[Divasu]

May I suggest next time you walk past a family court, you pop in and tell that to the female judge denying the thousands of father out there access to their kids?

 

Unless of course "equality" doesn't extend this far, and it's not a double standard?

 

I saw it with my parents in front of my very own eyes. Different times of course, but she was definitely not treated "equally".

[stillafool]

I know plenty of guys that don't require these things from a woman. There are plenty of single men on LS that don't require a woman like this also. What I'm getting from your post is that the men YOU want require these things from a woman. Perhaps you should take a look at the kind of guys you are trying to get with.

 

Gee thanks. I've been married to the man I wanted for many years now and he's a jewel.

[ascendotum]

Well most women have not had over 100 partners and your friend is an outlier. Glad she's enjoying herself.

 

IMHO the culture these days is to have FWBs to get all the sex you want. When trying to land a bf they want you to have slept with hardly anyone but yet be horny all the time, give a hell of a blowjob, and hell between the sheets. If not, they will be bored and move on to another woman calling you a cold fish. I guess a woman is suppose to acquire these skills by practicing on a teddy bear or something but you'd better have them or you won't hold your man long. Oh I forgot, you also have to be a gourmet cook, clean like a slave and have a good career. Good luck because it ain't easy trying to please them.

 

A person doesn't need to sleep with a stack of people to be a good lover imo. It certainly helps in terms of picking up tricks and learning how different techniques work with different women/men and also I guess with unashamed confidence, but if the person has a a few good & experimental & open communicating lovers + read up & watch some quality porn they can become good. Just having no hangups, being enthusiastic & proactive goes a damn long way with a lot of guys. As some women have said here when it comes to players a big partner count does not = dynamite lover and I and experiences of some my friends can definitely say the same for a promiscuous woman. Just being available & easy & just wants to be popular will get a girl laid with plenty of eager guys even if she a limp fish in bed.

[TigerLilly78]

But if they test clean then there's no issue with their number. That's just common sense.

 

Well considering you can get a STD with out having full on sex but even just foreplay ide say the chances of picking something up with that many sex partners is rather good. Lets not forget just cause you wear a rubber doesn't mean you will walk away totally scot free..

 

I would be extreamly surprised if some one with a 100 or over sex count would test completely clean the odds would def be agenst it..lets face it you can only play Russian roulette so long before you lose..

[carhill]

Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

Just curious

 

Never did, probably due to a brain wired a bit differently than the average man, and happened to be involved with women, in general, who discussed far more partner experiences than my own. The one I knew best, my exW, directly discussed or alluded to at least a magnitude more. Still, no negative thoughts or images. Back in the day, as long as that STD/HIV panel came back clean, their history was irrelevant to me. Was that short-sighted? IDK. No absolutes in life.