Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

November 19, 2014

Quite. I've never had a guy ask my number and even if he had I would not have responded. I prefer to be with confident men. A lot of the judgement behind this is by those who feel they have not done well with women and think this is some kind of a competition. It's not about appreciating a 'low number' it's more about not wanting hers to be higher than his thus confirming his lack of success.

I think I agree with you.

I think if a partner asked me I'd have a conversation with them first, as knowing someone else's number isn't unknowable afterwards, but if they really wanted to know then I'm not ashamed to tell them and whatever they feel about it is on them.

I don't think anyone asked me about my number since I was a teenager, or maybe 20. That's over half a lifetime ago.

I'd like to be with someone with whom I can have some great sex (as well as some other great things that aren't really the topic of the thread) and that probably means she's got to have had some practice somewhere along the way. I don't think it really matters how many partners she had before me, although I do want to know that she doesn't have any STDs which can be tested for regardless of the number of partners.

November 19, 2014

One would think that if anyone has slept with 100 or more people that they are bound to have at least one STD I could be wrong but it just seams that way..

What's the smallest number of partners for you to not want to ask them to get tested?

November 19, 2014

only time numbers are mentioned or discussed is : that we are One partner relationships (monogomy), and that our Iq's can comprehend that we had a history that involved others. if you cant change the past, stop judging their past, its best to appreciate each other if you are indeed compatible. ohh we did once talk about our ages, but those numbers are common when discussing our education and aspiration goals.

November 19, 2014

Its interesting to see a decent amount of men here saying they would be turned off by a women with high numbers. Yet when a women says shes not into casual sex on other threads some men get snippy and say how women are withholding sex and "making it a gift"..Makes me think and as ive said that its a mind game to get the ones who are easy to put out and weed out the ONS women from the ones who would be considered actual GF material..

You'll probably find they are different men from each thread. So not as interesting if it was the same guys being hypocritical.

November 19, 2014

For the people who have mentioned that they would not want to date a girl who has had plenty of partners, can you maybe elaborate why you wouldn't? Is it because you are insecure about her being sexually experienced, not liking what you are doing for her sexually vs another guy (the bigger her sample of men the more she might expect from you in terms of performance), worried about STDs, or just generally don't like the idea that a lot of d*cks other than yours have been in a p*ssy you would now consider "your own"?

I wouldn't say that I wouldn't date a girl who had a lot of partners. But I'd definitely be insecure about it. I mean I've never even kissed a girl, I'm bound to be a disappointment.

Of course, I'd be insecure about any kind of girl. I'd really wonder what they were doing hanging around with a guy like me.

November 19, 2014

I wouldn't say that I wouldn't date a girl who had a lot of partners. But I'd definitely be insecure about it. I mean I've never even kissed a girl, I'm bound to be a disappointment.

Of course, I'd be insecure about any kind of girl. I'd really wonder what they were doing hanging around with a guy like me.

This compelled me to return to this topic.

I am saddened to read this.

Why are you so hard on yourself, brother? Surely you have far more to offer than you think. Sounds like you may have body dysmorphic disorder at the very least if you really believe you have nothing to offer. You have plenty to offer. Plenty of women out there would be lucky to have someone like you.

November 19, 2014

What's the smallest number of partners for you to not want to ask them to get tested?

Sure as heck under 100 the odds just wouldn't be their favor of not having one and even worse the higher you go thats just common sense..

November 19, 2014

This compelled me to return to this topic.

I am saddened to read this.

Why are you so hard on yourself, brother? Surely you have far more to offer than you think. Sounds like you may have body dysmorphic disorder at the very least if you really believe you have nothing to offer. You have plenty to offer. Plenty of women out there would be lucky to have someone like you.

I really want to believe that. But it would require a willful disregard of all evidence to the contrary.

I don't think it's my looks holding me back. I think there's something intangible that I can't quite put my finger on. Every time I'm interested in a woman she runs in the other direction as fast as she possibly can. The highlight of my life so far has been holding hands with a girl on a first date a few weeks back. That's as close as I've been to a relationship, and I'm 26 years old.

I think (though I could be wrong) that says something...

November 19, 2014

I care more about a man's past relationships (and what transpired, whether he cheated, etc.) more than his sexual life. The only thing that I would like to know in terms of his sex life is whether or not he has STDs. The rest is just a normal part of adult life. Time for some people (especially men) to grow up. A mature man who respects women and who is secure in his own value / has a normal self-esteem will not care about what a woman has done and will not treat a woman as an object that he wants to possess, something that he's "shopping" for.

November 19, 2014

I really want to believe that. But it would require a willful disregard of all evidence to the contrary.

I don't think it's my looks holding me back. I think there's something intangible that I can't quite put my finger on. Every time I'm interested in a woman she runs in the other direction as fast as she possibly can. The highlight of my life so far has been holding hands with a girl on a first date a few weeks back. That's as close as I've been to a relationship, and I'm 26 years old.

I think (though I could be wrong) that says something...

Sometimes women interpret shyness as creeppiness/stalkerism, rather than just a guy who is intimidated or just plain shy (like, if you hang around her just to get the courage to talk to her, or whatever -- or keep looking at her constantly and not do anything about it, etc.). I mean, I've probably done it myself without realizing it.

Anyway, I think you'd find that a lot of women are not expecting porn video style fake sexual performance. Any experienced woman would know that that's not realistic in the first place. And sex is not rocket science, and it's fun to explore. Just because you have experience doesn't mean you'll hit it off on the first try with a partner anyway -- it's a process of discovery of how she likes it, what she likes, etc. I think it's sad that some men create this boogeyman in their head, about women's expectations. Are there some women who expect you to pump them with a 10-inch d*ck and give them mind-blowing orgasms that literally make their screams heard from a mile away? Sure, but that's rare, and anyway, you wouldn't want to have anything to do with such idiots anyway, who have such a skewed view of sex and think that real life is like porn.

I did not have a single relationship until I was 29. I considered myself a freak. I told myself I was one. I hated my looks. I was a virgin and I was convinced no one would ever touch me. And I was panicking about, at the very least, getting rid of my virginity, if not gaining some sexual experience.. so I understand.. but things CAN change... Also, holding hands with a girl on a first date is something that I would consider a bit too creepy/weird/forward/needy... but that's just me.

I don't think a woman who is sexually inexperienced will necessarily not want to run away from someone that she thinks is creepy.... I had done that numerous times before losing my virginity.

Edited November 19, 2014 by NoMoreJerks

November 19, 2014

And by the way, my ex did not mind that I was a virgin, but now I understand his reasoning. He was a jerk, who liked the idea that by taking away my virginity, he will forever remain in my memories, as that guy who took away my virginity. You're bound to forget a lot of partners, but never your first. It's a pretty f*cked up reason for wanting to have sex with a virgin / or a sexually inexperienced woman.... Creeps me the hell out, and I can't believe that I even wanted to hang out for more than a second around this man.

November 19, 2014

Sometimes women interpret shyness as creeppiness/stalkerism, rather than just a guy who is intimidated or just plain shy (like, if you hang around her just to get the courage to talk to her, or whatever -- or keep looking at her constantly and not do anything about it, etc.). I mean, I've probably done it myself without realizing it.

Anyway, I think you'd find that a lot of women are not expecting porn video style fake sexual performance. Any experienced woman would know that that's not realistic in the first place. And sex is not rocket science, and it's fun to explore. Just because you have experience doesn't mean you'll hit it off on the first try with a partner anyway -- it's a process of discovery of how she likes it, what she likes, etc. I think it's sad that some men create this boogeyman in their head, about women's expectations. Are there some women who expect you to pump them with a 10-inch d*ck and give them mind-blowing orgasms that literally make their screams heard from a mile away? Sure, but that's rare, and anyway, you wouldn't want to have anything to do with such idiots anyway, who have such a skewed view of sex and think that real life is like porn.

I did not have a single relationship until I was 29. I considered myself a freak. I told myself I was one. I hated my looks. I was a virgin and I was convinced no one would ever touch me. And I was panicking about, at the very least, getting rid of my virginity, if not gaining some sexual experience.. so I understand.. but things CAN change... Also, holding hands with a girl on a first date is something that I would consider a bit too creepy/weird/forward/needy... but that's just me.

I don't think a woman who is sexually inexperienced will necessarily not want to run away from someone that she thinks is creepy.... I had done that numerous times before losing my virginity.

Well, I've been on plenty of dates where I didn't touch the girl at all. Didn't really get me anywhere either. So it's kind of 13 one way, a baker's dozen the other.

I don't know, it just seems logical to me that someone more experienced would want someone with more or less the same level of experience.

I don't know if I come off as creepy. I certainly feel that I do sometimes. Other times I think it's all in my head. In today's world, with OLD, dating apps, and people having sex like it's going out of style, making it to one's late 20s without so much as kissing seems very odd to me. Am I a freak? No not necessarily, but it makes me really out of step with my peers.

November 19, 2014

Nope, I wouldn't. Because something would tell me there's something wrong. Why would a 9 or 10 in looks with a great personality want to sleep around? If she's stunning/great looking & great personality you'd think she would be a keeper. With all those traits, it doesn't seem realistic for a woman like that to have had the time to sleep around because she has all the qualities a man would want in a woman. No man is going to use a woman like that just for sex over wanting a relationship instead.

You know what's funny about your post NJ123? You assume that we women have no choice or directions in how we conduct our sex lives! So what if she's what you call a "keeper," maybe she didn't feel the same way towards any of the guys or maybe she was having adventures and not in the mood to be "kept" by anybody! And why are you assuming that casual sex = a man using a woman? Women can enjoy it just as much and nobody should be USING the other one. Sheesh! PS - my number is 2.

November 19, 2014

Can we get a consolidated discussion for this?

It's about that time.

November 19, 2014

And honestly, I feel like men overall should experience/sleep with more women, and date less in general.

But that's for another day.

November 19, 2014

Can we get a consolidated discussion for this?

It's about that time.

I'm not too sure a consolidated discussion was requested, out of this thread at least..more than the opinions of men on whether they care how many men a woman has slept with.

It's more a forced discussion as some women come in to rebuke the comments and demand a different opinion or perspective with sharp criticism...which is essentially for men to validate their own criticisms, through an admittance of insecurity, jealousy and the typical things you would see in a thread like this.

I personally think the reasons are many...and just like how men don't understand certain things about women, I don't think this is something women are ever going to really understand about many men because according to their opinion is should be a different way due to a "double-standard"...

However when the double-standard is going against men, it's usually acceptable...for example paying for women on dates, or expecting men to initiate certain aspects of the dating process through tradition. I doubt many women are willing to imagine themselves setting up an elaborate proposal for their SO, rather than awaiting or pressuring the man into initiating what she feels he should do out of obligation as a man...however whenever a man is entitled to something through tradition or what not (which is essentially nothing these days) it's essentially a double-standard, because after all you can't expect a woman to cook and clean anymore...it's 2014, those obligations should be shared.

Therefore the common rhetoric is;

When woman desire anything within a man, any kind of quality, value, virtue, character assets, etc...those are called "preferences".

Whenever a man desires something from a woman...he is simply being archaic, and judgmental...because he should accept the woman for "who she is".

It's easy to see through society, that women are often expressing themselves as not having enough and being taken advantage of, being treated with inequality...where the common theme for men is they are abusers, avoiding their obligations and responsibilities as men.

Many women feel every right to justify and determine what what is expected of men in this world and complain about it openly and freely...but men have no right to determine what they should expect of women, or they get slammed against a wall being called misogynist....or any other label a woman may seem fit to describe a mans "prejudices".

But women are never that way...they simply have "preferences".

Men...well they are the spawn of evil, archaic ideals, double-standards, and judgmental opinions....unless of course they align with pro-feminist ideals.

November 19, 2014

not insecure , but it is more like this.... If you have something you really care about let us say a beautiful classic car. we polish it, keep it in the garage out of the weather, away from thief's ect... We rarely drive it but in good weather days. We baby it , show her off to our friends .
But we would never , i say never would let even one of our friends test drive her. because it has value, and you take care of it , and do not want just anyone driving it.

Or maybe you're afraid that if I test drive her she'll realize I know how to ease her clutch, causing a perfect shifting of her gears and making her engine purrrrrrrr.

November 19, 2014

And honestly, I feel like men overall should experience/sleep with more women, and date less in general.

But that's for another day.

Why not today? I wanna know WHY!

November 19, 2014

I'm not too sure a consolidated discussion was requested, out of this thread at least..more than the opinions of men on whether they care how many men a woman has slept with.

It's more a forced discussion as some women come in to rebuke the comments and demand a different opinion or perspective with sharp criticism...which is essentially for men to validate their own criticisms, through an admittance of insecurity, jealousy and the typical things you would see in a thread like this.

I personally think the reasons are many...and just like how men don't understand certain things about women, I don't think this is something women are ever going to really understand about many men because according to their opinion is should be a different way due to a "double-standard"...

However when the double-standard is going against men, it's usually acceptable...for example paying for women on dates, or expecting men to initiate certain aspects of the dating process through tradition. I doubt many women are willing to imagine themselves setting up an elaborate proposal for their SO, rather than awaiting or pressuring the man into initiating what she feels he should do out of obligation as a man...however whenever a man is entitled to something through tradition or what not (which is essentially nothing these days) it's essentially a double-standard, because after all you can't expect a woman to cook and clean anymore...it's 2014, those obligations should be shared.

Therefore the common rhetoric is;

When woman desire anything within a man, any kind of quality, value, virtue, character assets, etc...those are called "preferences".

Whenever a man desires something from a woman...he is simply being archaic, and judgmental...because he should accept the woman for "who she is".

It's easy to see through society, that women are often expressing themselves as not having enough and being taken advantage of, being treated with inequality...where the common theme for men is they are abusers, avoiding their obligations and responsibilities as men.

Many women feel every right to justify and determine what what is expected of men in this world and complain about it openly and freely...but men have no right to determine what they should expect of women, or they get slammed against a wall being called misogynist....or any other label a woman may seem fit to describe a mans "prejudices".

But women are never that way...they simply have "preferences".

Men...well they are the spawn of evil, archaic ideals, double-standards, and judgmental opinions....unless of course they align with pro-feminist ideals.

Interesting.

I never got why people talk about numbers when it's so damn easy to lie and say whatever.

I think men overall need to sleep around more and date less. That's just me though.

This way, you don't feel any regrets about missing your 'glory days', and you'll also be satisfied because you've had your fill. As you see here, several women have gotten their fill so far, and show no signs of slowing down. Yeah, it's harder work for a man to do, but be honest...do you really want to deprive yourself of that?

In the end, that's what needs to happen. If it doesn't do anything else, at least we get a different type of 'My SO's past' thread on here.

The advice I guess I give to men on that is to put a break on the dating/commitment stuff and go experience women of all types. Live a little.

November 19, 2014

Oh and what a coincidence upon checking the news..

"(CNN) -- Supporters are coming to the defense of Matt Taylor, the scientist who helped land a space probe on a comet last week and simultaneously sparked cries of sexism with his choice of clothing."

THE SEXIST SHIRT

However...if a woman dresses like this for let's say HALLOWEEN she's just expressing her freedom and liberal rights.

And so the oppression from men...sadly continues *lashes his own back 20 times with a leather whip as punishment out of guilt*

November 19, 2014

You know what's funny about your post NJ123? You assume that we women have no choice or directions in how we conduct our sex lives! So what if she's what you call a "keeper," maybe she didn't feel the same way towards any of the guys or maybe she was having adventures and not in the mood to be "kept" by anybody! And why are you assuming that casual sex = a man using a woman? Women can enjoy it just as much and nobody should be USING the other one. Sheesh! PS - my number is 2.

True, casual sex doesn't necessarily mean one is using the other. But I've heard plenty of times where the woman starts to develop feelings for the guy after having sex multiple times with them. Than the guy just never contacts them again when she tells him that.

And where do you live & what's your phone number

November 19, 2014

And where do you live & what's your phone number

I'm good, I'm stopping at 2! No need to go any further!

November 19, 2014

Oh and what a coincidence upon checking the news..

"(CNN) -- Supporters are coming to the defense of Matt Taylor, the scientist who helped land a space probe on a comet last week and simultaneously sparked cries of sexism with his choice of clothing."

THE SEXIST SHIRT

However...if a woman dresses like this for let's say HALLOWEEN she's just expressing her freedom and liberal rights.

And so the oppression from men...sadly continues *lashes his own back 20 times with a leather whip as punishment out of guilt*

I can't believed that dude actually apologized.

I would have ripped anyone a new one who felt the need to criticize my shirt or anything about me after I have just landed a damn space probe on a moving comet. There would have been several choice words and middle fingers involved.

I wouldn't have given two damns.

I'm really surprised he did.

November 19, 2014

a) low in sexual past themselves and would actually say no to casual sex (even if they had a chance to) because they find sex/intimacy meaningful or

Yup, pretty much describes my guy.

I do think some people are being a bit harsh on some of the men who prefer women with fewer ex-partners. Yes, some of them are entitled hypocrites who perceive women as goods that they 'own' (someone even used a car as an analogy! ).

But some of them (like the ones you mention here) are decent folks who just want a compatible partner who approaches sex and relationships the way they do. There's nothing wrong with that IMO. People just like being with like-minded folks. Same goes with the men who prefer women with higher numbers.

November 19, 2014

Yup, pretty much describes my guy.

I do think some people are being a bit harsh on some of the men who prefer women with fewer ex-partners. Yes, some of them are entitled hypocrites who perceive women as goods that they 'own' (someone even used a car as an analogy! ).

But some of them (like the ones you mention here) are decent folks who just want a compatible partner who approaches sex and relationships the way they do. There's nothing wrong with that IMO. People just like being with like-minded folks. Same goes with the men who prefer women with higher numbers.

You generally have the best advice in threads like this.

This is just 6 pages of people arguing their preferences. No one is right or wrong here.

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