Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

[me85]

Yes, guys care. They may not ever ask or want to know, but if they knew their SO had been with a lot of guys then they wouldn't like it. ALL guys are this way, no matter what they say. That's why the best rule of thumb is to not bring up things like that in a RS.

[most_distant_galaxy]

No one ever asked me about the number. I haven't asked anyone either!

[kaylan]

Just curious

 

I haven't been with a lot of guys for a 31 year old. Well I don't think so anyway. Do you think men care if a woman has been with many partners?

 

I would be considered inexperienced in a lot of ways, and that is probably most likely to put men off is it? or turn them on? I know someone who claims to have slept with over 100. She is a very sexually aggressive and gorgeous woman. Most men would jump at the chance to sleep with her.

 

what's the sexual culture these days? sleep as many people and that equals to sexual desirability? I'm confused I need light to be shed.

I prefer a woman with a past similar to mine. In that she's had some fun, but nothing to over the top...and doesnt have a lot of promiscuity ahead of her (aka shes moved on a bit from that lifestyle).

 

A girl whos been with over 100 men is definitely not what I would be looking for. We would likely have a lot of different expectations when it comes to sex and relationships.

[kaylan]

For having sex with you, they don't care. For a serious relationship or marriage? Most of them do.

Regarding this, Ive become picky in the last few years about who I will even casually sleep with. Not just for my health, but also because it just puts me off to sleep with a girl that I know just spreads her legs for so many guys. It just skeeves me out.

 

I have a friend with a high number who I wouldnt mind having casual fun with, but its because I trust her and know shes clean. Plus I know her well enough to not be put off by her past. We are pretty open with one another.

[TigerLilly78]

One would think that if anyone has slept with 100 or more people that they are bound to have at least one STD I could be wrong but it just seams that way..

[NJ123]

Thats fine long as those same guys haven't been nailing anything thats willing..

 

Well, I don't fall into that category. But some are saying that we're insecure & other things if we don't have the same amount as the woman. Has nothing to do with that, it has more so to do with the woman giving it up so easily & being used as a sex object by tons of guys. Since if a woman or guy has a high number of sex partners it's likely a majority of those are just some quick fling.

[Strength in Healing]

I couldn't care less if I get bashed for my view, I know it's shared by over 90% of men. I have studied this my first year during the acquisition of my doctorate in psych.

 

 

 

 

The only thing that made me chuckle during this topic is chimpanzee's post a few posts up that stated she feels bad for people like me, and that this all is changing and/or changed. I suggest you do a bit more research into psychology and the human mind if you truly think that.

 

You can call it insecurity, I call it security.

 

 

There's a saying about a lock box and a master key that applies to this...

[kaylan]

Of course. I would think highly of a woman with lower numbers than normal. Like many men, I have no interest in being with a woman who has slept around. If you have not, I would consider that a good thing, not bad.

Eh, I dont think highly of low numbers.

 

I actually wonder if the girl has gotten any feelings of dating around out of her system. I also worry about her possibly being not in line with my sexuality or relationship needs if her number is very very low and if shes too conservative.

 

For me I greatly appreciate a woman whos had some fun, but didnt go crazy with dating around. I like dating someone who understands and really gets my dating history.

Yeah I care.

 

To me a woman who has a low number of partners shows that she is selective who she sleeps with and values sex and intimacy.

 

If a woman under 25 has been with 5 or less guys, I would like to know her number because it will make me feel better about her.

 

If she's been with more than 5, I would rather not know.

Jeez...more than 5 is a problem? lol Christ. Thats nothing

Edited November 18, 2014 by kaylan

[whatcanitellyou]

Maybe I'm weird, but I'm a woman and don't care for men with high numbers. I don't care that you have a past, in fact at my age I'm not interested in someone with limited experience, but I feel that men with a very high number probably don't look at sex the same way I do. But then again I've never asked, so if one doesn't volunteer I wouldn't know anyway.

[Woggle]

Guys make it about numbers when it is more about her attitude towards sex and relationships. A history of cheating or affairs with taken men or playing men for money would be a much bigger red flag than high numbers.

[slizl]

Ideally, I want my woman to have 5 or less just because I want to feel special

[NJ123]

Guys make it about numbers when it is more about her attitude towards sex and relationships. A history of cheating or affairs with taken men or playing men for money would be a much bigger red flag than high numbers.

 

Yes, part of it is about her attitude towards sex. A guy doesn't want to be with a woman that's been used by men in the past strictly for sex. If a woman gives it up easily, how do you know for sure she won't give it up easily to the next attractive guy that hits on her while in a relationship with you & cheat on you? A lot of men think a woman with more sexual partners than those with a few would be more likely to cheat. Those women tend to be avoided in terms of getting into a serious relationship with. And it's no ones fault but their own for willing to **** any guy they find attractive.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I couldn't care less if I get bashed for my view, I know it's shared by over 90% of men. I have studied this my first year during the acquisition of my doctorate in psych.

 

Please, do point me to the study that definitively states "over 90% of men everywhere think it's gross when their partner has slept with more than X partners". I know you desperately want to believe that all men are just like you, and maybe many of them are, but face it: men are increasingly comfortable with the self-determination of women, and they recognize that a woman with multiple partners in no way reflects on their manliness or her worthiness. We are all so much more than our biological impulses and resulting to stereotypes in this day and age is just insulting.

 

(I like the "I studied this in college!" card, as if that lends them any kind of authority. Better yet is the argumentum ad populum, the last and most desperate resort of anyone with an opinion that can't be logically defended.)

Edited November 18, 2014 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[NJ123]

Please, do point me to the study that definitively states "over 90% of men everywhere think it's gross when their partner has slept with more than X partners". I know you desperately want to believe that all men are just like you, and maybe many of them are, but face it: men are increasingly comfortable with the self-determination of women, and they recognize that a woman with multiple partners in no way reflects on their manliness or her worthiness. We are all so much more than our biological impulses and resulting to stereotypes in this day and age is just insulting.

 

(I like the "I studied this in college!" card, as if that lends them any kind of authority. Better yet is the argumentum ad populum, the last and most desperate resort of anyone with an opinion that can't be logically defended.)

 

Be honest, are you just offended because you're a woman that has had a lot of sex partners yourself? It's just the way guys think about it. It might be a double standard but it's not going to change.

[Strength in Healing]

There is no one study that proves it, it is based on multiple instances of research, many of which was peer-reviewed. I see what you did there, though. Nice try.

 

Ad populum isn't the most desperate fallacy, that would go to ad hominem, by the way. But I digress.

 

 

I see NJ123 already called out the obvious, though.

 

But chimpanzee, you can keep telling yourself exactly what you want in order to ward off regret. It's all too common.

 

I will exit this topic, as the truth that has been said cannot be made clearer by repetition.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I'm sure if you met a woman who was really stunning though, great looking, great personality but slept with a lot of people, you'd still go for her.

 

As for me, I have only had a few proper boyfriends. You'd be surprised how many guys are turned off by that.

[sagetalk]

What if the numbers were quite low? Would it matter then?

 

I don't know of any guy that would be bothered by a girl with very few sex partners. Only guys who want virgins would turn you away.

[sagetalk]

I'm sure if you met a woman who was really stunning though, great looking, great personality but slept with a lot of people, you'd still go for her.

 

As for me, I have only had a few proper boyfriends. You'd be surprised how many guys are turned off by that.

 

For a long term relationship, it would be a huge turnoff for her to have a high number of sexual partners.

 

Any guy that says they are turned off by low numbers is just trying to get into your pants.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Be honest, are you just offended because you're a woman that has had a lot of sex partners yourself? It's just the way guys think about it. It might be a double standard but it's not going to change.

 

8 partners by age 28 is "a lot of sex partners"? Seriously? Yikes, I'm sorry for you. No, I'm not offended, but THIS:

 

But chimpanzee, you can keep telling yourself exactly what you want in order to ward off regret. It's all too common.

 

Now this is offensive. I don't regret any of the sexual relationships I've had, and it's spectacularly insulting to suggest that I'm somehow motivated by a deep-seated regret of...what, exactly? Of being a responsible adult and having new relationships and experiences as part of that process?

 

I came into this thread and suggested that not all men care very much, and that attitudes are changing. I even pointed out why it was irrational. In response, people insinuated I was taking it personally, that I had slept around a lot, and suggested I regretted my sexual past. I even got the "the silent majority agrees with me!!!!" thing---none of which I would've gotten if I were a man making the same points. I knew that this forum is filled with men who are bitter about being rejected by women, but geez. I pity the women that come into your lives.

[NJ123]

I'm sure if you met a woman who was really stunning though, great looking, great personality but slept with a lot of people, you'd still go for her.

 

As for me, I have only had a few proper boyfriends. You'd be surprised how many guys are turned off by that.

 

Nope, I wouldn't. Because something would tell me there's something wrong. Why would a 9 or 10 in looks with a great personality want to sleep around? If she's stunning/great looking & great personality you'd think she would be a keeper. With all those traits, it doesn't seem realistic for a woman like that to have had the time to sleep around because she has all the qualities a man would want in a woman. No man is going to use a woman like that just for sex over wanting a relationship instead.

[ThaWholigan]

Oh, we're slut-shaming again today? I didn't get the memo......

 

I don't think we can change the visceral reaction quite a few guys get over promiscuity in women, but let's not pretend its about morals, because most of the time it ain't.

 

And I did wonder how long it would be till someone mentioned the retarded "lock/key" analogy . You think women themselves don't use men for sex?? Its happened to me!!!

 

Like what you like, but accusations of insecurity on one side and slut-shaming on the other really masks the issue in a lot of cases.

 

I don't have a problem having a relationship with a woman with high numbers at all. Context is the key.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Nope, I wouldn't. Because something would tell me there's something wrong. Why would a 9 or 10 in looks with a great personality want to sleep around? If she's stunning/great looking & great personality you'd think she would be a keeper. With all those traits, it doesn't seem realistic for a woman like that to have had the time to sleep around because she has all the qualities a man would want in a woman. No man is going to use a woman like that just for sex over wanting a relationship instead.

 

This is utter insanity. You are suggesting that a wonderful woman is literally incapable of ending up with a bad partner. The implication is that a TRULY good woman would never end up with someone who is abusive/mean/cruel/insensitive/uncaring, so if she does, then she's not a truly good woman. It's absolutely heartless (and totally illogical).

 

News flash: there are plenty of men out there who treat wonderful women poorly and use them for sex, just as there are plenty of women who do the same things to wonderful men.

[Harradin]

As long as she didn't have any affairs, cheated on previous spouses, slept with taken guys, had STD's then I couldn't care less as it was her life and its in the past.

[NJ123]

This is utter insanity. You are suggesting that a wonderful woman is literally incapable of ending up with a bad partner. The implication is that a TRULY good woman would never end up with someone who is abusive/mean/cruel/insensitive/uncaring, so if she does, then she's not a truly good woman. It's absolutely heartless (and totally illogical).

 

News flash: there are plenty of men out there who treat wonderful women poorly and use them for sex, just as there are plenty of women who do the same things to wonderful men.

 

I never said that a wonderful woman can't end up with a bad partner. But if a woman like that has had like 15-20 sex partners, something would tell me something is up. I mean what, she ends up with 10 bad relationship partners? That would tell me she's going after the "bad boy" type of guys who treat her like **** over & over again if none of these relationships are working for a woman like this. If a guy doesn't treat a woman with the traits she described her with in a good way, than the guy is clearly a piece of ****. And if this beautiful woman with a great personality keeps being used for sex over & over & over again, wouldn't she start to pick up on that.....

[TigerLilly78]

, but face it: men are increasingly comfortable with the self-determination of women, and they recognize that a woman with multiple partners in no way reflects on their manliness or her worthiness. We are all so much more than our biological impulses and resulting to stereotypes in this day and age is just insulting.

 

I wouldent bet the farm on that me and my BF had this same conversation a few weeks ago and he said he was so happy he had finally found a women who wasn't easy that he could have a meaningful relashionship with..You are right in one instance tho we are more then biological impulses as in we dont have to have sex with anything thats willing..self determination or self destruction?